Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML) Support Group
Acute myelogenous leukemia (AML), also known as acute myeloid leukemia, is a cancer of the myeloid line of blood cells. Patients with AML usually present with symptoms such as fatigue, bleeding, infection, prompting medical attention. An abnormal blood test reading will then result in further testing in a hospital with a hematologist to determine AML.
I know you, like I, have missed Cliff's posts recently. He will be back. I just want to request your prayers for him and his family at this time. I know he has a special place in your hearts as he does in mine, and that he has helped us all so much. Let's all remember him and his family in our prayers. Thanks so much -- dave
You and your family are in my prayers.
Lily
Best wishes to you and your family
Peace,
Andrea
--Tina
I cried when I saw these posts and appreciate the support. I know that death is part of the circle of life. We all know that, especially since we have all had to face at least the prospect of our own demise. AML scared me out of my wits, at first, to the extent that I (to repeat something I have said a zillion times) have repressed so much of the experience with my diagnosis, hospitalizations, complications etc. God has been merciful in allowing me to forget. [On the topic of forgetting...it seems true that "chemo brain" happens and does resolve. After 1.5 years post transplant, I can truly say that any fog has lifted and I feel sharp again. I was doubtful that I would ever be able to say that.).
The situation with my father-in-law is grave, and I hope he makes it long enough for me to finish with my daughter (who I still feel has to be kept in the dark right now. She loves her grandfather madly and being informed of his true current state would consume her). As I have said, I hated lying to my mother for months about my diagnosis, and felt so wonderful to tell her everything before I went for my transplant. I feel the same now about concealing the truth from my daughter, but just do not know what to do otherwise. If any of you have suggestions, I would be glad to hear them.
I have known my father-in-law for 35 years. He has always been so good to me and my family and it hurts for me to see him this way. My mother-in-law, who has early Alzheimers, sits and holds his hand all day in the hospital and just the image brings me to tears. I remember when I lost my first grandparent (my father's father had died when my father was 4 years old and so I never knew him). I was making rounds in the hospital when my father called to tell me that "Mama", my mother's mother, who I loved more than breathing, had passed away. I dissolved right in front of one of my patients. I will never forget my anguish. It was unbearable.
My physician, who has now been taking care of my father-in-law, and who was suspicious enough about his recurrent pneumonias to actually fully evaluate him (his previous doctor had not), is a descendant of the royal family of Nepal. He was raised a Hindu and became a Christian. He knows almost (and I said almost) as much about Christianity as our dear Dave. When I talked to him yesterday (in tears) about my father-in-law's condition, he reminded me that he and I are from such different traditions. That is so true. What he has retained from his upbringing as a Hindu is an acceptance of life and an acknowledgement that death is an inevitable part of living. That understanding, coupled with an abiding faith in the Lord, makes him seem a superman to me. He spent a week this year in Los Angeles, just ministering to the down-and-out street people who needed health care. He will be climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro in August to raise money for services for the needy. This is the man who is taking care of my father-in-law during his last days, and yet I still cannot come to peace with the thought of my father-in-law's imminent passing. If this wonderful doctor cannot assuage my pain, who can?
I guess I am just a fighter who never wants to give up. We are all fighters here, and I think we treasure life like never before. I don't know what Heaven is like, but right now I want to be with my family. I want to hug them and hold their hands. My own father turns 91 today and I want to hug him so badly, it hurts. I still haven't called him to wish him happy birthday today, because I am afraid of crying and alarming him and my mother who are always worrying about my health, despite the fact that I have been so lucky 20 months post transplant. I will just have to "man up" and express the joy that I have to revel in the love of two very old people who still lift my spirits and to whom I still turn for advice.
Enough blather. I love you all and am looking forward to sharing day-to-day triumphs with you again. Thanks again for your support and for understanding that I never meant to suddenly desert my dearest friends. I pray for you all every day.
Cliff
I will add mine to the pile of wishes, hopes, and prayers for comfort and peace that is here for you now and always. I am not a religious person, myself, but want to thank you for sharing the perspective that your physician offered you around how we might view death as an "inevitable part of living."
I would also like to say that I am very moved by the depth of the love you feel for your wife's father. I am not sure that that is such a typical thing, or one so openly expressed. Your children and your wife will know such comfort when their grandfather/father does pass because of this - it is a gift beyond measure that they will not feel alone in their grief. Thank you, as always, for being here. Let us know when you need us.
Robin
Cliff
Expressing your sadness in this forum is quite alright with me. Thank you for sharing with us all.
I do believe there is much more than this walk on earth. And that love is a powerful force that continues on.
Blessings and Peace,
lily
You are a remarkable man on so many levels. I add my prayers for you and and your family at this difficult time. How fortunate they are to have an individual of such depth and wisdom to lean on.
Myra
Love,
Cliff
Praying and sending love and hugs to you, your father-in-law and your family today. Your family is so lucky to have you, and you them.
Take Care,
Suzanne
I'm so sorry to hear of your father-in-law. You have spoken highly of him often, I know this must be difficult on your whole family many prayers for all.
Trish
Andy
xx