Hi from a fellow worrier. I've had so many colds since my transplant I've lost count. I caught one from my son the week I came home from the hospital after transplant. And I'm just getting over one that's been lingering over a month. But I just went to the doctor yesterday for my regular checkup and my bloodwork was fine.

I follow the LLS boards too and one of the things I read there when someone had a similar concern was that everything we catch or every time we get sick it's not necessarily related to our treatment or our leukemia. Sometimes we just plain get sick, we would have gotten sick if we never had leukemia or chemo, it just happens-people catch colds and flu and viruses. Even healthy people.

If you're like me and your neutrophils are a little low it might take you a while to get over the cold but I'm sure it will be OK. Give your doctor a call, don't be shy. Your mental state is as important as your physical health. He/she will guide you through this.

Lou

Tammy,

I will tell you that you are OK based on facts-the clean leukemia free BMB you just had. Hold on to that fact. Worrying is normal, overcoming worry is abnormal but I am convinced it is critical to being at peace during this journey. I certainly struggle with worry myself but as time passes it does get easier. That does not mean that a wonky CBC would not make me worry, I would. But I know this group along with my med team would assure me that they are looking for a trend not just one CBC.

Everyone here is at a different season of life, most of us 40 and beyond. You are younger with three young boys three and under. That has to add more stress to this experience. I had three daughters very close together as well and I was exhausted and anxious most days they were the age of yours. Add AML to that-I can not imagine the stress. As I've said, my girls were 8, 10 and 12 when I was DXd-a much different scenario. They hovered and pampered me. Waiting on me hand and foot. Even praying for me when I wept. Your boys have no way of comprehending your struggle. I hope I am not making a leap here but as a mother, that would add to my worry.

As far as illness, I am a bit of enigma. I just had my first "illness" since DX. I chest cold. I am happy to say it passed and so will yours. I have heard of several like myself who had no symptoms except a wonky CBC. I did have bruises but I have always bruised. 26 months with AML and I have never had a fever. Back to your young children, I know they shed virus cells faster than adults infecting mom and dad with everything they have.

Interestingly, I recently came across ten years of CBC results pre AML that I collected for a life insurance policy. It was so surreal looking at my WBC, HCT, Platelets and ANC-things I never focused on. Pre-AML I gravitated on my glucose and cholesterol. What shocked me and also reassured me was my ANC was very similar to what it is today. I just never noticed it or cared.

AML makes us hyper sensitive to our body. Just think back to induction if you can remember. The monitoring, measuring, and surveillance of body functions we never thought about. Then we are released to our home to monitor ourselves and report anything out of the ordinary. What ordinary? Post AML new normal ordinary, I guess.

Tammy, you have prevailed thorough Induction and four sessions of consolidations because you are vigilant and cautious about your health. You know your body and symptoms better than anyone. I agree with Lou. If you are concerned I would talk to your med team. I have an open invitation to get labs. Maybe that will help but as you say maybe not. I have had situations when I have been offered labs every two weeks instead of monthly when I was struggling. I opted to stick with monthly and I'm glad I did.

I know I am rambling a bit. I am just trying to compare and contrast experiences. You opening line where you talk about learning to trust God and worry less is exactly where I was 18 months ago when I finished chemo. The "all clear" you refer to. In a way, that was the hardest phase of the journey for me and others. While receiving chemo, you had a firm path, a prescribed schedule based on count recovery. You had concrete parameters such as platelets have to be at 100 before your nest consolidation. If your HCT is below 20, you get red blood. Now you enter a far less structured phase of your journey to cure. The watch and wait phase. A nebulous foggy time where I was trying to find my footing. You are learning to trust more and worry less and the fact that you recognize is so important.

As Christians, we believe that God cares for each of us down to knowing the number of every hair on head-even a chemo head. While some believe struggles in life make us stronger we believe in our weakness magnified in struggle, God is strong which in turn builds our faith and trust in Him. This is counter intuitive to many but to me set me free. Try to use these moments of free to cry out to the Creator of the universe. He will comfort you-I know it. Comfort and peace you never realized possible. I have felt it and will never forget it. I'm not telling you that worry and fear did not creep back in but so did the peace.

This journey is a marathon not a sprint. Tammy, you are going to be okay. You made it through the initial (treatment) battle and now it is time heal physically, emotionally and spiritually. We are here for you and are praying fervently for you.

Blessings,

Julie

Mom of 3: I had bronchitis for over three months recently -- I KNOW because I missed a singing right before Christmas and it really made me MAD. It was right after my normal GP check up and I believe I picked up something in the office. After 3 months I went back and they said is was a viral thing that they could not do much for -- chances are it was not the same thing I had in December,, but the symptoms were the same. I still have some residual but not enough to worry about. I even made a special appointment with my onc to check my blood to be sure it was not AML related. All was well.

I would strongly recommend that you visit your GP and get checked out -- do NOT be afraid of their finding the worst. First of all, it is not going to happen -- I would bet on that with 99% odds if I were a betting man. And even if that does happen, you are far better off learning of it and getting treatment for it.

But I will tell you what will happen. You will go to the doctor, they will tell you that it is not AML related -- just a cold or whatever, and when you walk out a day later you will be over it, It has happened to me so many times that I just take it for granted. Can going to the doctor and getting them to tell you "it's nothing" actually cure you? Well, it has happened to me too many times for it to be a coincidence -- what I think is that the stress relief giver your body a kick and it seems like all is well. So, please go get it checked out.

Take care -- daveB