Andy,

Great topic! In many ways, I have had the opposite reaction probably because I felt fabulous at dx-stair stepped 20 minutes the morning I was dxd. I don't look to how I feel but rather those dang CBCs. Three months prior to dx I had an ANC of .02 with no infections nor symtoms.

Before AML I was a hypochondriac thinking every thing was cancer. Almighty God slayed the worst cancer for me and now I never worthy about other cancers just AML.

I'M so grateful you are doing well

Blessings

Julie

Hi again Andy and I hope you're doing well. Unlike many on this and other boards, when I was diagnosed I felt sick. I had diverticulitis, fevers, night sweats, fatigue, every symptom they say you may have. My internist gave me a course of Cipro but when that didn't work I got a CT scan, they saw the diverticulitis, admitted me and when they took my first blood test moved me up to the blood cancer wing.

Before this I never worried about my health. But I have come to realize that when you feel sick it can be nothing or it can be serious. And I also realize from everyone else that you can be sick without feeling sick. Yes, I do worry about being sick again but I wouldn't say I'm a hypochondriac. I, like everyone else in this group, know that we can be sick without even knowing it and if we feel sick it can be serious. How can you help but look over your shoulder? We've all stared death in the face and were scared. That is a feeling I will never forget. So when I have a fever, get a little tired, have a bad cbc, I always think, even though I'm over 3 years post transplant, maybe I'm sick again. But I don't think it's hypochondria, it's a reasonable response.

Lou

I like Lou's answer. :) I am a caregiver, but it is my 4 year old son (who was age 2 at diagnosis and almost 3 at relapse). In my case, I am very vigilant about watching for anything "off" with Julian (my son). At almost 17 months post transplant, I am slowly becoming less alarmed by some things, but I am still pretty concerned anytime he has anything similar to the symptoms that he presented with (which were rather ambiguous). The interesting thing is that this vigilance has not really transferred to my own health or that of my two daughters or husband. With all of the rest of us, I can pretty much take anything at face value (fevers, bruises, illness, the occasional ache or pain). My husband, on the other hand, has actually generalized concerns a little bit and will over-react to issues with our daughters that I wouldn't bat an eye at. I guess everyone responds in their own way. I've had those "gut feelings' too. They have been right, and they have also been completely wrong. I always wonder if the worry will go away--and it was not me who had the AML. Hope that it gets easier for you...and everyone else who has to deal with this rotten disease.

Jacki

Hi Andy and everyone,
I can say I waited too long to see a Dr when I had my symptoms. I brushed them off thinking I was fatigued from work and everyday life. When I began catching colds and other illnesses quite frequently I once again brushed it off. It wasn't until I was quite ill that I went to my pcp. I don't think this disease caused me to become a hypochondriac either, however, I do think I pay much more attention to my body and how I'm feeling. I would agree with others in saying I'm more self aware.
Angela

Although I'd not call myself hypochondriac, this kind of experience does make me more sensitive to changes how I feel day to day. I have a running order for blood tests every 2 weeks (I only go once a month normally), so if I feel less well, I just get a blood test, glance at the results and declare myself OK when numbers look close to normal.

Andy,

I think it is natural to become a bit hypochondriacal after such a horrible diagnosis. I had no symptoms when diagnosed. I had switched doctors, since my physician had become a concierge doctor and I did not feel like paying $1800 a year for the privilege. I had a routine blood test ordered by my new doctor. The rest is history, and I don't think I will ever forget how tragically surprised I was to hear the news that morning.

I have done well, but still have had my share of pulmonary infections, since my immune system is still sub-par 4.5 years post-transplant (I had a t-depleted transplant at 58, and the thymus is mostly a blob of fat at that age and there is little thymic tissue to condition the t-lymphocytes). I don't think about my health too much, but when I have any belly ache, cough, or unexplained symptom, it at least enters my mind that I could have a second malignancy (especially since my immune system isn't the greatest). There is nothing wrong with thinking such thoughts, if they prompt us to see our physicians and certainly to get the recommended surveillance tests, including colonoscopy. Logistics have kept me from getting another one of those, and I am going to try to convince the doctor to do it without sedation, so I can drive home myself. I was essentially awake for my last one and it was not that bad (compared to all of the stuff I and the rest of you have gone through with our AML). I recommend that everyone get total skin exams yearly, colonoscopies every 5-10 years depending on personal and family history, and physical exams as per your physicians.

I think our attitudes should be vigilance and not worry, although we should never put ourselves down for experiencing a natural anxiety over our present and future health. I can assure you Andy, however, that as time goes on, you health will become much less of a focus. I AM THRILLED THAT YOU ARE DOING SO WELL!!!

Cliff

Cliff always has great advice. No reason to throw concern to the wind, but my feeling on it over the past six years of survival has been like Julie's. Sometimes I still get a shooting pain in my foot or something. I just write it off like I did right after my chemo treatments -- you cannot go thru something like this without it having an impact on all of your body organs, and some of them just complain a bit more than others. Not sure what the biological function is, but it seems to me that this complaining gets addressed internally and subconsciously -- something deals with it and the pain usually goes away fairly quickly -- for me within minutes.

Now if I go to the doctor and complain about it -- you know what will happen. Dozens of tests and they WILL find something. Might not be the cause, but they will give you a remedy anyway. Next thing you know you are on all kinds of drugs that are trying to combat each other. So take charge early on.

I am not saying to stay away from the med people -- after all, they are the ones (along with God) who saved most of our lives. The trick is to give it a little time, and if after several weeks the problem persists or seems to be getting worse, then address it. Of course, if it is anything like the signal of a relapse, then act quicker -- most of us remember what we felt like just before being diagnosed -- it is a rather unmistakable feeling.

I am thankful all the time I can do things that were out of the question -- like putting my pants on without sitting down. Something like that was totally out of the question when I was in the pits of my ordeal. So perhaps let the positives counteract the negatives.

Above all, enjoy being alive, and give thanks for it. Don't waste the time you have left in worry. And for sure, never worry about not worrying. Matthew 6. Take care -- dave