Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML) Support Group
Acute myelogenous leukemia (AML), also known as acute myeloid leukemia, is a cancer of the myeloid line of blood cells. Patients with AML usually present with symptoms such as fatigue, bleeding, infection, prompting medical attention. An abnormal blood test reading will then result in further testing in a hospital with a hematologist to determine AML.
I am currently at Day +50 post allogeneic transplant. I am writing this post, because lately I've been having some issues with my caregiver, who is my mother, and am wondering how I should handle the situation or if I should talk to someone about it. Perhaps other caregivers on here could let me know how they feel.
My mother has been Wonder Woman for me through my whole cancer journey. When I was diagnosed, she used up all of her vacation days and leave time from work to stay w/ me in another state while I underwent my induction chemo. Because I had to have a transplant I moved back in w/ my mother and stepfather during the process and my mom signed on as my primary caregiver. She still has to work, so I have had other family take care of me, as well.
I think now that I am no longer receiving treatment, and am just doing follow-up appointments, all the stress of the last 6 months is finally hitting her. Sometimes I think this was all harder on her than it was on me. So lately I feel that she is just tired of being my caregiver. Sometimes the way she speaks to me makes me actually feel guilty for ever getting cancer. Like it was a choice I made. And many times I just feel like a burden. I'm not allowed to drive yet, and unless it's to a doctors appointment it seems that she does not want to drive me anywhere else.
I hope I do not sound ungrateful to my mother. Words cannot express how grateful I am for all that she has done for me. I feel that I will never be able to repay her. I understand the stress that being a caregiver can cause, and the toll it can take. So I am wondering, if anyone else has been in this situation, and what I could do to make it better. It's hard to see my mom like this and not think that it's my fault.
My mother has been Wonder Woman for me through my whole cancer journey. When I was diagnosed, she used up all of her vacation days and leave time from work to stay w/ me in another state while I underwent my induction chemo. Because I had to have a transplant I moved back in w/ my mother and stepfather during the process and my mom signed on as my primary caregiver. She still has to work, so I have had other family take care of me, as well.
I think now that I am no longer receiving treatment, and am just doing follow-up appointments, all the stress of the last 6 months is finally hitting her. Sometimes I think this was all harder on her than it was on me. So lately I feel that she is just tired of being my caregiver. Sometimes the way she speaks to me makes me actually feel guilty for ever getting cancer. Like it was a choice I made. And many times I just feel like a burden. I'm not allowed to drive yet, and unless it's to a doctors appointment it seems that she does not want to drive me anywhere else.
I hope I do not sound ungrateful to my mother. Words cannot express how grateful I am for all that she has done for me. I feel that I will never be able to repay her. I understand the stress that being a caregiver can cause, and the toll it can take. So I am wondering, if anyone else has been in this situation, and what I could do to make it better. It's hard to see my mom like this and not think that it's my fault.
I know how your mom is feeling I think. I took care of my wife from the time she was diagnosed in November of last year til the time she passed may 1st.
The whole thing can be kind of overwhelming. Especially if it is a full time thing. There were times I was tired from taking care of her, but not tired OF taking care of her.
When you become a care taker for a family member, it is not only hard physically, and mentally, but emotionally as well. You can ask her, but she will likely tell you she is ok. I think you just need to know she loves you and is doing what she needs to fo to help you. She may have bad days, but I Am sure she is not tired of being your caregiver.
I am really impressed that in the midst of all that you are going through to recover your good health you are taking such care to better understand the dynamic between you and your mom/caregiver. I guess what I'd offer at this point is that it is entirely possible that you are both suffering from a kind of PTSD. No easy way to work through all of the complexities of our relationships - much less when these connections are subjected to the stress that serious illness brings.
I am so hopeful for you both, though, as your concern and your insight into some of what might be going on is profound. I hope that you and your mom are finding a way to talk about what might be on your minds at this point - and that if further support is necessary (from a licensed therapist, for example), you will find it together.
I will say from my own experience (we lost my dad to AML about 6 weeks ago) that there are many aspects of this journey that I am only just now understanding I will need to figure out a way to better accept, sort through, make peace with, et cetera. The struggles associated with the illness, for patient and caregivers alike, are immense, and my hunch is that many of us will need help to cope.
All the best to you and your mom - and congrats (!!!) on the great success that you've already made toward the recovery of your health.
Robin
Tell her how much you appreciate it and that you do not blame her for wanting to taper off a bit. I expect it will not be that long before you will be driving yourself and not needing as much from her.
-- dave
This may be what you are seeing from your mom and not that she is growing tired of being a caregiver. We did everything we could to give my mom breaks and get her out of the house when we could.
If you have any other family members that can drive you places, maybe ask them to drive you and that gives you mom some down time to rest and just take it easy while you are out for a while. Also, even if you don't need to go anywhere, maybe have family members take your mom out for a while. This seemed to help my mother and one of us would take care of dad while she was out so she did not have to worry about if he was being taken care of like she wanted.