I was thinking this morning about integrity. While reading about our local favorite son Leon. We all love him around her and now, the country knows the quality of person he is. Why so admirable? Because he follows a moral compass he has set for himself and never seems to waver from it. A perfect human being? Probably not. Nobody is.

But it made me think about the problems I have had in my life and where they came from and what part I had in them. And they seems to stem from, for the most part, me doing things in reaction to someone else's actions. By not following my own moral compass.

Because for me, when I am doing that, I am leaving my own path, and following behind someone else, trying to play catch up. I am not setting my own course. And if I do that, I do not end up where I had intended to go.

The point of this mental dialog with myself was, trying to answer the question, "What is the point of doing the right thing?" It seems to me sometimes that all I get from it is grief. But after I thought about it, mulled it over and over, and over, it is that I am going to a destination of my own choosing. I am in control of my own life, taking responsibility of my own actions. Beyond that, when I see someone going in what I perceive is the wrong direction, I can step back emotionally, and say, "It's not my problem." Because it isn't.

I guess I am thinking of this too, because tomorrow is the second anniversary of my mother's death. I have been having issues with my sister and her behavior and really thinking about our relationship over the years. A difficult one at best, but one where I kept the peace by capitulation. Mostly in fear of reprisals. But towards the end of my parent's lives, for their benefit so they would see my sister and I if not at peace, at least in a state of truce.

I did it because it was what I wanted to do for them And for myself because it was a gift I wanted to give them. Co-dependant? Perhaps. My choice though. And because, for me, it was the right thing to do. To be the kind of person I wanted to be. To follow my own moral compass. So that I could look at my sister's behavior and say honestly, it's not my problem.

Because in the end, I have to be at peace with myself and my own conscience. Which for me is, being the person I was taught to be by my parents. To honor them. Their memory. And so I could be happy with myself and who I am. My sister? Not my problem.