This is a very difficult time of the year for me. Christmas was always a favorite time for my mother, and so I associate it with her. As he got older and he relaxed a bit, my father got into it too. When my mom started slipping a bit, he took up her traditions and always put together a gift box of food and treats for my sister and me. And our husbands.

They've been gone now for the third Christmas. The first, I was numb, and last year, with my brother in law also slipping away, my sister and my truce coming to an end, it was strained. This year, she and her family have moved back east, but the memories of my parents and our holidays together hangs over me like a pall. My husband gets down this time of the year too, so he's no help. I do what I need to do every day but I am just going through the motions.

And, the birthday. Day after Christmas. And my sister's the day after mine. No kidding. And don't think that didn't stink growing up. But they were intertwined. So, that too is making it hard. Our birthdays have always been celebrated together our whole lives. This is the first one, not counting the year we lost our parents, we haven't been together.

Last news when I heard that the new owner tore their house down, felt like the last straw but there are always more straws to load on up this time of year. So the blues are upon me right now. A counselor a couple of years ago, suggested making new tradition for my husband and me. All I could think of is , you've got to be kidding. It takes all the energy I have just get out of bed every day and get dressed. Just to function. I dream about them every night lately and wake up feeling so sad.

Can't wait til January.