acoa sanctuary Community Group
The softer side of growing up in a dysfunctional home... a sanctuary to feel home with friends and never alone.
This is a very difficult time of the year for me. Christmas was always a favorite time for my mother, and so I associate it with her. As he got older and he relaxed a bit, my father got into it too. When my mom started slipping a bit, he took up her traditions and always put together a gift box of food and treats for my sister and me. And our husbands.
They've been gone now for the third Christmas. The first, I was numb, and last year, with my brother in law also slipping away, my sister and my truce coming to an end, it was strained. This year, she and her family have moved back east, but the memories of my parents and our holidays together hangs over me like a pall. My husband gets down this time of the year too, so he's no help. I do what I need to do every day but I am just going through the motions.
And, the birthday. Day after Christmas. And my sister's the day after mine. No kidding. And don't think that didn't stink growing up. But they were intertwined. So, that too is making it hard. Our birthdays have always been celebrated together our whole lives. This is the first one, not counting the year we lost our parents, we haven't been together.
Last news when I heard that the new owner tore their house down, felt like the last straw but there are always more straws to load on up this time of year. So the blues are upon me right now. A counselor a couple of years ago, suggested making new tradition for my husband and me. All I could think of is , you've got to be kidding. It takes all the energy I have just get out of bed every day and get dressed. Just to function. I dream about them every night lately and wake up feeling so sad.
Can't wait til January.
They've been gone now for the third Christmas. The first, I was numb, and last year, with my brother in law also slipping away, my sister and my truce coming to an end, it was strained. This year, she and her family have moved back east, but the memories of my parents and our holidays together hangs over me like a pall. My husband gets down this time of the year too, so he's no help. I do what I need to do every day but I am just going through the motions.
And, the birthday. Day after Christmas. And my sister's the day after mine. No kidding. And don't think that didn't stink growing up. But they were intertwined. So, that too is making it hard. Our birthdays have always been celebrated together our whole lives. This is the first one, not counting the year we lost our parents, we haven't been together.
Last news when I heard that the new owner tore their house down, felt like the last straw but there are always more straws to load on up this time of year. So the blues are upon me right now. A counselor a couple of years ago, suggested making new tradition for my husband and me. All I could think of is , you've got to be kidding. It takes all the energy I have just get out of bed every day and get dressed. Just to function. I dream about them every night lately and wake up feeling so sad.
Can't wait til January.
I too, struglled with different dates in my life and I don't like it. In a way, that date or season becomes my HP. All I do is remember things or events, that can never take place again.
My date is Febuary 5... just a horrible day and every year I try to work my way past it and every now and then I slip back into memories of it. Some good memories... others horrible... and they all happened on that one day.
I do like the idea of starting new traditions... I know that is easier said then done... yet that simple "leap of faith" with trying something new has led me to some wonderful events in my life.
For me, my last family Christmas was in 1976. Mom and Dad ended up quiet drunk and Mopm with a black eye. Two brothers fought outside and another brother vowed never to come home again. Very sad... for my family things never changed and in hindsight I am truly grateful that it hasn't... it wasn't easy, and over time I have learned that my family of birth is n't as important as my family of choice...
I do wish you and your hubby a Merry Christmas Hobbit
Dave
I really relate to the exhaustion when I get emotionally wore out. I just seem to get teary at the slightest thing at the moment! I think I just spent the last year dealing with so much that I seem to have not much to give at this moment.
Trying to be kind and gentle with myself seems such an effort and almost an impossibility .
I hope you feel a little easier soon.
With love
Karen xx