acoa sanctuary Community Group
The softer side of growing up in a dysfunctional home... a sanctuary to feel home with friends and never alone.
As an ACOA, I grew up with a very distorted view of personal power. Obviously, I was not allowed to own my own power. I grew up believing I had no power, and what little I did have, I was supposed to give away so that people would love me.
That's a messed-up way to think and a messed-up way to live.
Even after all the time I've spent in recovery, I've had a very difficult time coming to terms with the concept of "owning my power." My thinking had been so distorted, I think I still subscribed to the belief that power was something that was either abused (to lord it over others) or it was something to give away.
While communing with HP this morning, he revealed a new insight that I hadn't really considered before. My power exists not for those reasons or any other reason that is associated with external people, places or things - my power exists so that I can take care of myself.
I can claim my personal power NOT for the purpose of competing with other people, or "making: them like me, but rather I can claim it because I need it for the purpose of taking care of myself.
This is a completely new concept to me, but it makes so much sense that I'm going to run with it. Thanks to HP for revealing this tidbit to me, and I hope the ESH can be of value to someone else.
Blessings.
That's a messed-up way to think and a messed-up way to live.
Even after all the time I've spent in recovery, I've had a very difficult time coming to terms with the concept of "owning my power." My thinking had been so distorted, I think I still subscribed to the belief that power was something that was either abused (to lord it over others) or it was something to give away.
While communing with HP this morning, he revealed a new insight that I hadn't really considered before. My power exists not for those reasons or any other reason that is associated with external people, places or things - my power exists so that I can take care of myself.
I can claim my personal power NOT for the purpose of competing with other people, or "making: them like me, but rather I can claim it because I need it for the purpose of taking care of myself.
This is a completely new concept to me, but it makes so much sense that I'm going to run with it. Thanks to HP for revealing this tidbit to me, and I hope the ESH can be of value to someone else.
Blessings.
Oh! ((A1)))! I just read a wonderful quote about the 'making them like me' bit!
"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them". Thomas Merton.
It made me think. It has made me think about anytime I try and 'change' somebody else.
Much love to you!
K
Thank You for Sharing This:
As an ACOA, I grew up with a very distorted view of personal power. Obviously, I was not allowed to own my own power. I grew up believing I had no power, and what little I did have, I was supposed to give away so that people would love me.
This was So My Very Own Life growing up this way... I feel at times I had Given So Much of Myself away that it left Very Little for My Own Nurturing, and internal care... One Of My Character Defects is that I Tend to Give ALL & Take Little or nothing at all... And for Many Years, I believed that In order to be a Good Person, that is what I HAD To do...
I am So Grateful for this Program & the Famliy I have gathered here, because You all teach me so Much & help me find Me... I Do Still Struggle in the "Power" Department, but I Like Your Moment With HP that Drawed that Out for you...I Need to Hang on More to My Moments with HP and Less with my Moments of Trying to Please Others, Or MAKE them Like me...
So Thank You again... Food for Thought and Today, I Sure Needed it... Thanks for Being here :)
Oneness...
I smiled because it made me think of power...I just thougth to myself....'you are a tiny little bundle of fluff yet and this current time you have so much power over these 2 big adults! '
Don't know why I am sharing this ....it just made me smile to observe it...it's a teeny pup ...weeks old....but it has such character!
I can still struggle with people I feel or perceive are in a position of 'power' over me. I guess some of those figures may temporarily have power over me....my boss, the Government etc..
However, there are those who i can give power to who in reality now as an adult have no power over me. I can still fall back into doing that with my parents - I can become a frightened little girl again.
I don't let them see that and I do maintain (try to) stricts boundaries with them, but inside I can still get uneasy and fearful.
But i am certainly alot better than I was ! HURRAH!!!!
(((hugs)))
K xx
But...
When I look at my childhood with my parents... I had a ton of power. Not healthy power but I had power. And that power came from secrets. The secret that mom's scotch was hidden in my closet... that her secret stash of money was hidden in the dining room under the carpet. I had so many secrets on my dad that he must have been walking on egg shells for years.
With the secrets I was able to lie and manipulate and pit parent against parent (if I wanted too.) Was it enjoyable? NO... Was it necessary? Yes... as a child it was my way to survive.
I was powerless over changing things or making things healthy... but I did have the power to stay alive and fight for my right to do so.
Sadly, this "power" destroyed me as I grew up... it helped with me becoming an alcoholic, it was a direct result of being homeless... many broken relationships.
Recovery gave me a new "power." The power, like A1 says, that I'm OK just the way I am. No shows, no thrills, no excitement... just plain old me. There is a lot of power in just being me...
Dave