acoa sanctuary Community Group
The softer side of growing up in a dysfunctional home... a sanctuary to feel home with friends and never alone.
I just got back on Sunday from a brief vacation/ mini-family reunion. It was difficult. I got through it okay I suppose, but have been feeling very off kilter sice I got back. And as soon as my head hits the pillow at night, my mind gets all wound up with thinking about it.
I realized, after giving it a lot of thought, that I was simply overloaded. It was about the first trip I'd taken since losing both my parents last year. It was about spending time iwth my sisiter who I have felt very distant from since I finished my duties as trustee of the estate. It was the first time spending an amount of time with her husband who it very ill and I was shocked at how far he had deteriorated. It was incredibly sad.
I was spending time with a cousin who I last saw when my parents were alive, shortly before we lost them. We had a history from when we were little and a bit from a few years ago. I enjoy her company but she is very busy and lives a couple of states away. I was just too tired to talk as much as I would have liked.
It didn't help either that we arrived as our destination, 11 hours after we departed home, and the flights were a total of 1 hour and 15 minutes. Yep! So arriving totally exhausted, amd losing pretty much 20% of our visiting time, was not the way we wanted to begin.
So when thinking back on it, I realize I had a big old pile of information I have to process. Like being plopped into a time machine for part of it. Talking about our parents, all gone now. It was like being swept up in wave after wave of emotion, trying not to drown in it. Trying ot enjoy what I could and not suck too much water.
And we left here in sun and sandals and returned in rain and snow from there. All this 5 hours from home. It was crazy. It was fun in spite of the chaos. But the first thing I though of walking in my own door was to call my parents to tell them we were home safe and sound. That was pretty sad.
But, boy oh boy was my fur-baby happy to see us! And so glad to be home here.
I realized, after giving it a lot of thought, that I was simply overloaded. It was about the first trip I'd taken since losing both my parents last year. It was about spending time iwth my sisiter who I have felt very distant from since I finished my duties as trustee of the estate. It was the first time spending an amount of time with her husband who it very ill and I was shocked at how far he had deteriorated. It was incredibly sad.
I was spending time with a cousin who I last saw when my parents were alive, shortly before we lost them. We had a history from when we were little and a bit from a few years ago. I enjoy her company but she is very busy and lives a couple of states away. I was just too tired to talk as much as I would have liked.
It didn't help either that we arrived as our destination, 11 hours after we departed home, and the flights were a total of 1 hour and 15 minutes. Yep! So arriving totally exhausted, amd losing pretty much 20% of our visiting time, was not the way we wanted to begin.
So when thinking back on it, I realize I had a big old pile of information I have to process. Like being plopped into a time machine for part of it. Talking about our parents, all gone now. It was like being swept up in wave after wave of emotion, trying not to drown in it. Trying ot enjoy what I could and not suck too much water.
And we left here in sun and sandals and returned in rain and snow from there. All this 5 hours from home. It was crazy. It was fun in spite of the chaos. But the first thing I though of walking in my own door was to call my parents to tell them we were home safe and sound. That was pretty sad.
But, boy oh boy was my fur-baby happy to see us! And so glad to be home here.
-
My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
I can relate to that moment after your return, wanting to pick up that phone, feeling the loss once again. Time doesn't heal that.
I am so glad you are here.
Just so much damage from a childhood that the bridge still ain't safe to cross.
I am glad you made it home safe and your pup was ecstatic to see his mom. Just having him excited made the trip and the return well worth it...
You gave me food for thought. I can't remember the last time our whole family was together i.e. my dad, myself, and three siblings. I believe it was at my nephew's funeral 22 years ago. Myself and a cousin organized a family renunion about 10 years ago now, it was just weird (and mostly just work for me). My one sister didn't show, neither did she come to my wedding, nor my sis's wedding though. Perhaps, in time, HP willing.
Welcome home Hobbit, we missed you!
Yep I too can relate to the being Mentally exhausted after such a Trip ... Most of my Family is close to me, so we are together a great deal, but on the holidays, when you get ALL of us under one roof, it sure can be Completely Draining...
My Dad's Side of the family hardly EVER get together ... The Last time I was together in the same house with all of them, I was 14yrs, and the Next time was my Afathers Funeral... Now when i see "Any" of them, I feel uncomfortable... Mainly "I" think, because my father never could get away from the bottle, and his brother manages his life of "addictions" and his Sister, I don't think EVER had addiction to drugs or alcohol.. I at times when they talk to me, see the "Pity" in their Faces, and It Sickens me... It makes it hard to see that in my Aunts & Uncles... They both know that "I" was the sole "Giver" in my Fathers life out of his (5) kids... I am also the only one that keeps Constant Contact with them, since my father past...
I love them dearly, but get very Uneasy in their Presents, and when Time Gets in between you, and it turns into Years, Well it is Very Difficult to get it All back in a Short Visit...
It has been 2 Years In 2 Weeks Since I Lost My Afather to his Disease, and I Still Can Not Take His Phone Number Out of My Phone... I think just seeing "Daddy-O" in there, I still feel like he is near...
And I still when I pass by his neighborhood (A Mile Away) I want to Whip In and Tell Him How My Day is... My Son I think at times thinks I lost it... because I have road by on more then One Occassion...I have days that I catch myself, and then just sit and cry, I miss him dearly each day, and just hope that one day I will be accepting for him being gone, HP will help me with that i'm sure, when the time is right for Me....
Keeping you In My Prayers... :0)
PS....But in Saying that, I would also like to add......I So LOVE The TOES :^)