acoa sanctuary Community Group
The softer side of growing up in a dysfunctional home... a sanctuary to feel home with friends and never alone.
Hello all!
Have been visited by my parents this weekend. I have been left feeling kind of sad and teary. Don't know why? Nothing bad happened.
I recognize in them both so many struggles. Their own AA & Acoa behaviours seemed to have unnerved me terribly. Oh well.
This too shall pass.
I think their visit brings back so many sad memories - especially of my sister.
It also reminds me of a kind of favoritism.(Intentionally or not on their part)
I helped my dad get into his email and his password was my sisters name. She passed away many years ago.
I know it maybe seems childish but it just seems to re-enforce what I felt for years.
Oh well. I know its not all about me but it just seemed insensitive.
Hug for each of you!
K xx
Have been visited by my parents this weekend. I have been left feeling kind of sad and teary. Don't know why? Nothing bad happened.
I recognize in them both so many struggles. Their own AA & Acoa behaviours seemed to have unnerved me terribly. Oh well.
This too shall pass.
I think their visit brings back so many sad memories - especially of my sister.
It also reminds me of a kind of favoritism.(Intentionally or not on their part)
I helped my dad get into his email and his password was my sisters name. She passed away many years ago.
I know it maybe seems childish but it just seems to re-enforce what I felt for years.
Oh well. I know its not all about me but it just seemed insensitive.
Hug for each of you!
K xx
I think as we get older we see our parents as the flawed and defective creatures that they are.
Good or bad our first gods were our parents. Even if we knew they were wrong, they still had the ultimate authority.
Part of the illusion of being an ACOA, such as your parents, is living in a fantasy world. With these fantasies they can be the perfect loving parents. To me, with your sister, it is more about their loss, not as parents, but losing the souls of their children, with both you and your sister. I don't know for a facty but rather just a hunch... to keep your sister alive is not about the love (which I'm sure they had) but rather more about the regrets...
Wishing you a peaceful Sunday
Love and Peace
Dave
Still hurts though.
All of it.
Spoke to a friend last night who said to just let the tears come...no analysis - nothing - I did...I let them come and today too and its OK.
I think that the fantasy part still aggravates me alot - as in the 'front' portrayed to others is just that - a front, a farce, a sham.
Oh well...let it go Karen.
(((big hug 4 u Dave!)))
Been thinking of you lately... hope all is well in your world
Dave
On the other hand, I've discovered that when I do get triggered by something, although it can be very uncomfortable or even painful in the moment, it ultimately does me good to feel the feelings - as long as I am able to remember that they are OLD feelings that I was not permitted to feel at the time of the wounding. I can then hand it over to my Higher Power, who then graces me with insight and understanding.
And it's only by way of HP's help that I can understand this. Left to my own devices I would wallow and get stuck. So grateful for the program and my HP.
I Sure Understand Your Feelings... And Yes by All Means... Let Flow the Tears, the Hurt, and Also the Love... I had these Same Triggers & Feelings tords My Grandparents as a Child, after My Parents Split... I Felt Abandoned by them and they constintly only thru in my face the "praise" of my Cousins... The Hurt is Still there, But I Do Believe I Have Forgiven them, One is now Gone and I Am Helping to Care for the Other... Too Which I Could Not have been able to do, had in not been for this Program because I Would still be Lingering in Regret, Resentments, and Anger...
So Glad your Here, and You are Growing even on days it feels like a Back Slide ;)
Love & Prayers
Oneness
((((Anagami)))) BIG LOVING HUG FOR YOU !!!!