Oh Maryn,

I was just thinking of you the other day... I'm glad you're OK. Welcomed? You are always welcome... this is your home as well as mine. You've been missed.

I'm sorry about your house and all that it represents. I think of my past home and all the sweat and tears and even a little blood that I put into it.... but for me I needed to leave... to find myself and remember for me that there is more to life then four walls.

It has been 16 months for me of being on my own and my thoughts on the house has changed. It was a house, a pretty house, a pretty yard, animals running around... a little goldfish pond... to the outside world it looked like a happy family. But that house was never a home. Home, now means to me, memories and happy thoughts. A home doesn't even have to have walls or a roof because no one can ever take it away from me.

When I think of home, I think sharing happy times with someone... maybe a walk... maybe shopping together... things that money can't buy... that is my home.

The anger? For me, anger nearly killed me. I nearly drank myself to death because I couldn't deal with the anger. Looking back on it, I don't think I could have ever found forgiveness when my parents were alive and part of that reason was because of my own addictions. The 12 Step fellowship, helped me to forgive because if I wanted to live I needed too just for my own sanity.

There is no doubt in my mind that my folks were ACOA's as well and they didn't have the fellowships we were given... at least ACOA Fellowship. I'm not excusing what happen to me as a child, but it helped me to "let go" when I could see the reasons behind it all.

Welcome back,
Welcome home,
Dave

QUOTE_I am still very angry at my parents for what I had to go through as a child. My dad for drinking and causing so much trouble in our lives. My mom for never really explaining what was happeniing or consoling us through it all. Lot's of anger that I'm trying to deal with lately. Dad is sober now 30 years, but still behaves as if he is still drinking. I honestly do not think the anger will ever go away. Does it?


Dear Maryn, join the club- I still visit anger each time I see evidence of what he took and my mom 4 enabling him- yea, i get pissed when I see all the deep seated, self sabotaging beliefs that still bring me unwanted karma, and the ptsd, ea. time i am sick w/my ptsd i curse his sorry soul, but i keep telling the universe I am WILLING to give this up- it has been 7 years in recovery and its time to take me in my hands and move on---hard 2 do wen ea. day, almost i see the wreckage that was once a promising, full of love and hope and trust life that was me!

I just made the DECISION to move on- let it go- spend each day loving me and doing my metaphysical visuals of dumping these boulders on the side of the road and moving on, in order to change my reality, i gotta do like dragonfly an transform, get rid of old beliefs, replace them with new, healthy ones , thus change my behaviour and thus draw better karma to me

u r not alone- deep loss equals loads of anger- i may visit anger all my days, but i don't let it dominate my life anymore- i manage it- allow it to pass through me, acknowledge it and then take xtra care of me

(((((((((((((((((Maryn)))))))))))))))))

Welcome Back :) Welcome to your NEW Future, Taking care of you...

On the Anger thing, When I 1st found al-anon, I Had JUST lost my Father to this disease, he past Nov 29th & Jan 2nd I walked into my 1st F2F Meeting, and I can honestly say, that with this program & the people in it, I don't konw if I would have got over the anger I felt at my father... He drank 95% of my life, and his parents did the same, So I realized being mad at my father was a waste of my time, since he was also raised by alcoholics so How could I blame him for his parenting skills...

This Program when you put the time in will def help you with the healing process... It has been nothing short of a blessing to me, along with the new friends/Family that i have now... They ALL are a very important piece of my recovery... without them I don't konw what I would do...

Congrats for Coming back, and as Dave stated, You are Home ... So Of Course you are Welcome :0) Glad your here, Glad your taking the steps you need to get back on tract & the steps needed to take care of you ;) YOU ARE WORTH IT ...

Love, Hugs & Prayers
1Ness

Maryn,

Welcome back... I am sorry to hear about selling the home you love - I can feel your pain. For us women, home is near and dear to our hearts. For me, I was always an unwanted guest in someone else's home growing up - so it is doubly important to me. I hope that if it sells, you are able to find something that is just as lovely and have opportunity to create new, magical memories.

Anger is a natural part of the grieving process I understand.... before we journey to acceptance. I came to acceptance, but, have now been experiencing anger once again due to circumstances I'm being thrown into. It is hard work to remove emotions - to place them aside - seek below the surface to understanding and loving others for who they are. I cannot always do this well and need to ask my HP to love through me.

I wish you all the best in the days/weeks/months ahead, take good care of you, take time to nurture yourself during this stressful situation.

In my experience the anger/acceptance cycle moves in a circle, or perhaps a spiral. Much of the work in my own recovery is actually an UN-covering process, where I strip away decades of denial of the ways I was wounded. Each new revelation brings on a new experience of anger, which I am learning how to process. And we HAVE to feel and process that anger if we are to ever get to that place of acceptance.

For far too long I buried and denied my anger, which resulted in depression, beating myself up, and an empty and meaningless life. My maladaptations were so severe that I wasn't even aware that anger can be experienced, expressed and dealt with in healthy and appropriate ways.

But thanks to being in a recovery fellowship, I'm slowly but steadily picking up the tools to be able to do just that and live life more fully.

"It works if you work it." - how very true that slogan is!

Hi Maryn...I'm happy to see you back...
I wasn't contributing to the board myself for a while and want to go back to recovery so you are not alone...:)
Keep coming back
Anna

(((Maryn)))
I am exhausted at the moment, feel I have very little to give, but I just wanted to say it is really lovely to see you. I felt every word that you wrote. I identify with your feelings. Those feelings are SO painful. I can still swing from having some compassion for my parents to feeling utter rage and hatred and disdain.
I send you love and blessings.
Always
Karen xx

Gosh Maryn I dont think you ever left to be welcomed back. I guess you as well as i have been silent for sometime but I like to think it does not mean we are not there just that we were unvoiced residents:) I hope what I wrote made sense. all i wanted to indicate was that you never left to be welcomed back but anyways I will also say Welcome back Welcome back....:):) Hmm i do sound loopy dont i:)
Yes the pain of selling a house is horrible and I echo what Gaye said especially for us women. I really wish with all my heart that the next house you make will become your most cherished and loved home for all time