acoa sanctuary Community Group
The softer side of growing up in a dysfunctional home... a sanctuary to feel home with friends and never alone.
There doesn't seem to be anything going on here and I am wondering if this site has run it's course. People seem to have gone off in their own directions and for a long while, only two or three people kept it going by continuing to post.I know because I haven't been one of them.
These thing happen I guess. But it makes me sort of sad to see the communication die away to nothing. And I've seen it happen to other sites. I've been on the other side of it as well. Posting for the sole purpose of keeping it alive. So I am asking the question here. As to paraphrase Dave, so aptly put it once before "Shall we stick a fork in it?"
Part of me hates to see it go. It was our protest to someone who was supposed to be in recovery, behaving in a very un-recovery manner. But on the other hand, if we no longer have anything to say to each other, why keep it going? And on the other hand, how about if we do still care about our sanctuary, let's all of us make an effort to, if nothing else, make a little noise from time to time, to let each other we are not just standing alone in an empty room.
And maybe in the back of my mind I am thinking that for me as a recovering ACOA, there is nothing that makes me step up more than to think that something I took for granted as being there is going to be taken away. Use it or lose it, as they say.
Just my opinion. So here's my little noise.
These thing happen I guess. But it makes me sort of sad to see the communication die away to nothing. And I've seen it happen to other sites. I've been on the other side of it as well. Posting for the sole purpose of keeping it alive. So I am asking the question here. As to paraphrase Dave, so aptly put it once before "Shall we stick a fork in it?"
Part of me hates to see it go. It was our protest to someone who was supposed to be in recovery, behaving in a very un-recovery manner. But on the other hand, if we no longer have anything to say to each other, why keep it going? And on the other hand, how about if we do still care about our sanctuary, let's all of us make an effort to, if nothing else, make a little noise from time to time, to let each other we are not just standing alone in an empty room.
And maybe in the back of my mind I am thinking that for me as a recovering ACOA, there is nothing that makes me step up more than to think that something I took for granted as being there is going to be taken away. Use it or lose it, as they say.
Just my opinion. So here's my little noise.
I don't think it's dead...it just seems to have periods of hibernation. Ebb and flow. Sometimes it's quiet, sometimes it's abuzz with posting activity.
I can see a parallel between that and the ebb and flow in my own recovery. There are seasons of time when I am diving deep into my past and the pain I experienced. This is very meaningful work, but it takes a lot of energy and puts me in a childlike state at times to where I become reactive and defensive, and the result is that the people I love the most suffer collateral damage. So there are other seasons when I need to take a step back and focus on the parts of recovery that involve exploring my options, changing my behavior, and "letting it begin with me."
This small family group of Adult Children has become an invaluable source of experience, strength, hope and wisdom for me. I realize that I wasn't around for the previous group so I don't share the history of this group's genesis. However, speaking for myself, I want it to remain active throughout the ebbs and flows it may take, if for no other reason than the fact that I have come to genuinely care for my fellow AC family members.
((Thanks)) for making a bit of noise.
Hi to the both of you... A1, you got it. It is the way of ebb's and flows. On the old site it would really bother me to try and keep things going just to have traffic... here, for me, it is just so much more relaxed and understanding... we're not in a "race" to get shares.
Yes, Sanctuary is quiet, but for me it still is nice to know it is here. I know folks still check in... maybe they just read and that's OK... there are times where reading is just enough.
Years ago, I read a book which I have no idea which one but there was a thought in it that expresses how I feel right now. The author was talking about how inside of us we all have a bucket. When we are alive and happy that bucket is filled with water. (energy)
And we take a cup and dip into our bucket and fill it with water and give it to someone else to help keep their bucket filled with water. At times though, my bucket runs low on water and my energy is gone... then I need to refill my bucket before I once again I can share it with others.
Right now, that is where I am... my bucket is parched. It has been a heck of a winter on me - physically. I have not felt the best lately and everytime I think things are getting better I slide back down. Been battling colds and allergies all winter and just don't have much energy to concentrate on anything.
So with no energy what do I do? Get my fingers into waaaaaaaaaay to many projects besides my job. LOL. *shaking my head*
I always try to practice the "benefit of the doubt" idea with things. I know folks still care about Sanctuary... I truly believe that. I look back to where we were and how we got here... it really is amazing how symbolically some are still changing things... like me... I got a divorce.
Some folks moved... others laid the groundwork with a change in boundaries with family members... others learned secrets about their family. I think the creation of Sanctuary gave me the strength to take another step forward on my journey.
A lot of growth has taken place since Sanctuary came to be and for me... even when I am running on empty it is nice to know in the back of my mind... it is still here... the light is on and the coffee and tea is hot...
Love and Peace to all,
Dave
For me, this place was set up as almost a holding place - a safe place for those of us who were hurt by what happened at the other place - those who were hurt by a tin god utterly rampant alcoholic who eventually showed his true nasty untreated side. It was to give us a place where we could 'belong' if we wished for as long as we needed.
Some may have left, some may have found new homes, others may just be reading or not in an online situation at all, others may have gone back to the original place. I think the fact that Sanctuary is far more hidden and less exposed than the other place gives us less 'traffic' which can have its benefits - re feeling safe but it's downside for some maybe. Maybe they tire of the lack of traffic?
For me, feeling safe was a priority. That said, I feel I have been so blessed and have learnt and continue to learn so much from the presence of (((A1))) and am so glad and delighted ((A1)) that your HP led you here to us, as we are quite hidden! ! I love and value your presence! I am extremely grateful for your shares. I learn so much from your wisdom. You seem to have a laser like mind that gets straight to the root of what is going on in my mind where I cannot see it myself at all!
Whether DS has served its purpose and it is time to call it a day and maybe for those of us who wish, to stay in touch by email occasionally I don't know? I truly don't know.
For me, I kind of love having DS, even if I am only able to check in once a month at times or less.
Sometimes I get concerned thinking someone may have posted and if i don't check in I am ignoring them *sad face* . But I am not. Also I I think there is a level of maturity here that transcends that kind of thinking really. Guilt or passive agressive manipulation has no place here.
If I post, it is lovely to get a reply but I don't expect it. Sometimes a reply may come many weeks later and that is lovely too. Instant gratification is something I am well over ! Hurrah! Some growth Karen !!! *giggling* . Much more to come ! Hopefully!
I take the lovely souls On DS with me to all kinds of occasions where I feel nervous - you all help me - members past and present!
I think also however that nonattachment is a very healthy thing and what will be will be, and the final outcome as to whether Sanctuary has fulfilled it's purpose or has something still to offer is in God's hands.
I hope the above made some kind of sense - have a nasty cold and am feeling SO woozy!
Lots of love and blessings to all you lovely Souls!
Karen xx
I tend to "recover" in fits and starts, pretty much like my painting. Sometimes I really get into it and sometimes, I can't even force myself to sit down and work. I guess I wanted to see if anyone continued to come around as it seemed like no one was.
I have HIGH HOPES that I can soon get back to our little haven here, and be able to grow even more, and I know alot of my Growth comes from just these moments when we are all concerned with our "sancuary" ... i know for me I have not went anywhere... Just Been busy with life, but I do tend to get better.... Now I Will just have to see what HP has in the Plans...
Love & Hugs to Each & All... Thanks for Being Here...
Oneness...
Anna
Sending you blessings!
Love,
karen xx
Great to see you and hope all is well in your world