acoa sanctuary Community Group
The softer side of growing up in a dysfunctional home... a sanctuary to feel home with friends and never alone.
It has been almost three years since I lost my parents, two weeks apart. You know, I have written that now perhaps a 100 times, yet, when I look at it, I still shake my head in shock. There is a part of me that still can't believe it. There is a part that can't or won't accept it. Or, just doesn't want to.
I finally came to the realization, though that could change tomorrow, 'cause lots of things have, but I sort of hung my hat on the idea of patiently waiting to "get over it". The new realization is, I never will. I can't. What I strive for now, and it seems so much more manageable for me, is that I simply have to learn to live with it.
That an the sad fact, that I also lost my sister in the process because I learned that my dear parents were all we had in common. That is still a very tough one.
M
I finally came to the realization, though that could change tomorrow, 'cause lots of things have, but I sort of hung my hat on the idea of patiently waiting to "get over it". The new realization is, I never will. I can't. What I strive for now, and it seems so much more manageable for me, is that I simply have to learn to live with it.
That an the sad fact, that I also lost my sister in the process because I learned that my dear parents were all we had in common. That is still a very tough one.
M
One thing about the grieving process is that however long it takes, is however long it takes. It's been my experience that trying to force the process ("get over it") only delays its natural progression.
It's a difficult thing for us ACs to get out arms around sometimes, because one of our biggest issues is the fact that we haven't grieved the losses (or the things we missed out on) from our childhoods. The challenge - and indeed the reward - is in learning how to grieve well. That's why I'm so grateful to be in a 12-Step program, a safe place to learn the things I didn't learn early on.
Peace be with you as you move through this journey.
I like what you said A1, I still at times think about my brothers but all we share is a last name... nothing else... and I've come to accept that it is OK... just because we are brothers doesn't mean we are family. We tried that and it was a disaster. Someday maybe we will be able to sit and talk and have a good time... that may be tomorrow or it may be in the next life, all I can do is be as healthy as I can when that time comes...
Alcoholism killed both my parents and destroyed my relationship with my brothers, yet it has also given me so much in sobriety. I'm just so thankful for the chance I have been given to live life again...
(((Hobbit)))
I agree with ((A1))that it will take the time it takes. I often put alot of pressure on myself by thinking I should be feeling different by now and all that kind of stuff.
I have come to see there are no shoulds.
Although it is still clearly and understandably so painful for you, I send you love and blessings and pray that little by little, the pain may begin to ease re your loss.
You are a beautifully talented gifted soul. I know this may sound trite and silly but I truly believe your parents are looking over you every second of every day and night.
Karen
Sending you lots of hugs:)
Maryn
(((Thank you.)))
One date in my one-two punch is over with. My father's this on Saturday and my mother's in less than two weeks. As I wrote, my goal now is just learning to live with it. My difficulty has been, in part, that I lost them two weeks apart. Two weeks apart. Two weeks apart. Nope, still can't get my head around that. But it just.....is.
It is, as my dear father would have said, tongue firmly in his cheek, DREADFUL! Lord, I miss them!
I too Would Struggle with the "2wks" part of your Journey... I Can't even Imagine the whirl wind it would have been for me... I had lost My Afather just this side of you losing your father & I So Related to were you were then... But then after your Mom, You Showed Me AMAZING Strength in how you Carried yourself thru good times & bad... You Taught Me... "I Can!" You Brought ME out of My Own Way, Long enough to see... I Still have my Father, he now lives on with in me, and as Long as His Memorys Flow from my tongue, he will always be!
Because of Him, I Found You All... I am Deeply Sorry for your Loss, and you are No where Near alone...I'm So Grateful you Came to share, because I Needed You Today... And again, You Helped Me! Sendings Lifting Loving Prayers your way... In Hopes you feel Comfort as well...
Friends in Recovery..Much Love,. Oneness...