acoa sanctuary Community Group
The softer side of growing up in a dysfunctional home... a sanctuary to feel home with friends and never alone.
I had a big lesson this morning in tolerance. And in myself and my attitudes.
We had new neighbors move next to us several years ago. We live in a small, private drive with only about 9 homes on it. As soon as they moved in, they started building fences. I mean literally. Built a new parking spot close to the front door, though there was a perfectly good driveway right next to theri front yard. And fences, walls all around their property. Ugly ones too. And dogs that bark at the drop of a hat.
And then, all their trees thinned out so their beautiful oaks looked like palm trees. And then, security lights everywhere. First the front door, then in their garden. Then on all the fences and walls around the garden. Never mind that it shone into thier elderly neighbor's bedroon. Then, around the back so that when a neighbor even went to their home along the back of these folks' property, the whole drive lit up.
I have grumbled to myself over the years, who on earth do they think they are that they need so many fences and lights. Very thoughtless to their neighbors and standoffish.
This morning in the paper I see a picture of them. They had both been in their offices in the pentagon on 9/11. I feel totally ashamed now of my thoughts towards them. Now I understand why. And I feel very badly that I had judged them without knowing why. They admitted that they had not talked about this for all those years. But I see my attitude towards them without the facts and I want to take a lesson from it. Not to judge.
I still do not like their lights come blasting into my livingroom at night, whenever someone drives near their house. But you, I think now, I can live with it if that's what they need to feel more secure.
We had new neighbors move next to us several years ago. We live in a small, private drive with only about 9 homes on it. As soon as they moved in, they started building fences. I mean literally. Built a new parking spot close to the front door, though there was a perfectly good driveway right next to theri front yard. And fences, walls all around their property. Ugly ones too. And dogs that bark at the drop of a hat.
And then, all their trees thinned out so their beautiful oaks looked like palm trees. And then, security lights everywhere. First the front door, then in their garden. Then on all the fences and walls around the garden. Never mind that it shone into thier elderly neighbor's bedroon. Then, around the back so that when a neighbor even went to their home along the back of these folks' property, the whole drive lit up.
I have grumbled to myself over the years, who on earth do they think they are that they need so many fences and lights. Very thoughtless to their neighbors and standoffish.
This morning in the paper I see a picture of them. They had both been in their offices in the pentagon on 9/11. I feel totally ashamed now of my thoughts towards them. Now I understand why. And I feel very badly that I had judged them without knowing why. They admitted that they had not talked about this for all those years. But I see my attitude towards them without the facts and I want to take a lesson from it. Not to judge.
I still do not like their lights come blasting into my livingroom at night, whenever someone drives near their house. But you, I think now, I can live with it if that's what they need to feel more secure.
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
Before I even got to the denouement of your story, I was thinking that these people are living in fear. (Well, either that, or as Curly put so succinctly in "City Slickers" --- "City Folk!")
Joking aside, the definition of "prejudice" is literally to pre-judge; making a judgement without knowing all the facts. We are all guilty of it at one time or another. It's thanks to the program that I can recognize when I'm doing it and choose a different path. It's so easy to just write someone off as a (pick one: moron, scumbag, a$$hat, etc.) who has done a perceived wrong than it is to get more information. Thanks to the program, I'm a little more aware than I used to be.
God bless your neighbors and all who are still haunted by that dark day ten years ago.
It would be hard to have neighbors move in and never really know them... sadly I have done that as well... it is so easy for me to judge others but like A1 said it is nice now to be aware of it and slowly I can change it...
I was going to post this on a thread and now think it fits in well with your story... it is a poem I wrote three years after 9/11... It is called "Our Home"
I wrote it after I began thinking about the history of our nation. I began thinking how we have evolved and where we came from. The Lakota people believed that an age ended when the sun turned black. If I remember correctly, the world would end when the sun turned black for the seventh time. On 9/11 the sun turned black...
OUR HOME
The Sioux believed,
An age of time ended,
When the sun turned black.
It happened during,
That September attack.
A nation cried,
As thousands died.
It was the dawn,
Of an new age.
One filled with outrage!
Heard on the radio,
Seen on TV,
Raining concrete dust,
For all to see.
An anger rose,
Across the nation.
Took pride in America,
What a wonderful sensation!
There was no fright,
Osama - get ready,
For a fight!
People of police and fire,
First heroes known.
After awhile, we knew,
They weren't alone!
In Pennsylvania,
Hijackers stopped,
- by people -
Like you and me,
From attacking D.C.
Pentagon set ablaze.
Soldiers and civilians,
Dead in the maze.
A building of justice,
We had no fear!
American strength,
Rebuilt it in a year.
We found so many heroes,
In planes, buildings,
And towers.
We were so proud,
They gave us their power!
The power to help,
And lend a hand.
To remember,
This is our land.
For this land,
We will fight.
To always keep freedom,
In sight!
So many of the times when I have judged people for behaving a certain way, I have come to understand why they did, and in many cases have been faced later down the line with similar situations where I have behaved exactly in the way the very people I judged did. I then felt guilty for having judged. I truly am learning to try not to judge.
I do discern - I think that's important - for instance I have to discern who i think has a good program to be able to discern who may make a good sponsor for me. There is I feel a difference between discernment and judging.
God bless all those people who were affected by September 11th. My heart goes out to them.
Love to you (((Hobbit.)))
Karen xx