I spent Memorial Day in the ICU after a tree that I was cutting the previous afternoon fell on me, knocking me to the ground and landing on my butt. Long story short, the trauma resulted in a massive hematoma that caused my blood pressure to bottom out; hence, the constant overnight monitoring provided by the ICU. The good news is that I stabilized and was sent home less than 24 hours after being admitted; the bad news is that this hematoma, which added 12" to my abdominal girth, will take around three months to completely resolve. No internal injuries, no encroachment into the abdominal cavity.

As I was lying on a table in the ER, in nearly unbearable pain, with a dozen people frantically working on me in what could be described as controlled chaos, hearing words and phrases such as "stat", "CBC and chem 7", "trauma panel", "type and cross-match", and "call the surgeon", I do not mind admitting that I was terrified and wondering if I would greet another day.

Lying in a state of total helplessness, it became profoundly clear to me just how powerless I truly am.

Then the miracle came. I began to recite the Serenity Prayer to myself over and over again, and in doing so in my state of complete helplessness, I handed my will and my life over to God completely and trusted him with the outcome. At that moment in time, it did not matter whether I lived or died, whether I recovered or became disabled - all that mattered to me was knowing I was in God's care and he's got it all worked out.

I believe that complete and total trust is the single most difficult challenge for ACs like ourselves. Our trust was violated and betrayed early and often, and we went on to put ourselves in positions to continue to put our trust in untrustworthy people, further reinforcing the distorted patterns. On a cognitive, reasoning level, my belief that God has my back and can be trusted never wavers...on a more visceral level, deep in my soul, I still doubt and give into fear much of the time. Most of the occasions when I have completely surrendered my trust to my Higher Power have been times of extreme crisis. How I want to carry this trust into my everyday, walking-around life.

My hospital stay went on to be an interesting experience. The professionalism of every healthcare discipline I encountered was off the charts. I went through the experience looking through one eye as a patient and through the other eye as a clinician. This experience of being injured and facing a long recovery is going to make me a better occupational therapist in the long run, because I'll be able to say "been there, done that" to my clients who are experiencing their own challenges and offer them the empathy that a good clinician is able to do.

Grateful to be here and for the blessings I have been able to see in a really bad situation.