acoa sanctuary Community Group
The softer side of growing up in a dysfunctional home... a sanctuary to feel home with friends and never alone.
Hello All...:) It's been awhile. So much going on. It's been a difficult holiday season. All of the holidays that I love...Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas have come and gone without much enjoyment. Struggling with well...I'm not exactly sure actually. I THINK a big part of it is that I'm not truly feeling connected to anyone. I often feel alone. I can actually feel alone in a completely packed room filled with family and friends so not sure if I do that on my own.....just how I feel a lot.
Funny (well not really), how the holidays bring up so much emotion in me. It's supposed to be a happy time, but sometimes I think It creates a lot of anxiety and pressure in/on me. I try to make them great for my son, but inside, I'm just not feeling it. Actually can't wait to take all of these decorations and the tree down for the year.
I've been slacking on the work I need to do for myself, and I know that it's having an effect on my attitude and everything really.
Thanks for listening:)
Funny (well not really), how the holidays bring up so much emotion in me. It's supposed to be a happy time, but sometimes I think It creates a lot of anxiety and pressure in/on me. I try to make them great for my son, but inside, I'm just not feeling it. Actually can't wait to take all of these decorations and the tree down for the year.
I've been slacking on the work I need to do for myself, and I know that it's having an effect on my attitude and everything really.
Thanks for listening:)
I Sure know that Place, I too can feel Lonely at times in a room full of People that is to love me & care for me, and its very Strange to figure out why... But for Me i Notice it More when "Like you said" I'm Not Taking Care of My Own Needs! If it wouldn't have been for my grandkids coming to help me decorate my tree I may not have one! My Son is 16 and kinda "Over" the Whole decoration of things, (So he says) but I can see the Light in his Eyes when the House is Dancing with Christmas Cheer! Thats Probably why I still PUSH Myself to do it, even with all the Ill Feelings I have with it ...
Lifting you In Prayers Friend in Hopes that you can get YOU Back on Track, and Feel Loved Within, so we are Not Searching so hard outside Ourselves for it! I Know I Do it all the time when I Forget to Put ME On the List...
Your Not Alone, and I 'm Grateful You came here to Share... Love & Prayers for a Wonderful NEW YEAR Full of Happiness :)
Oneness...
Experiencing a mixed bag of feelings during the holidays is no stranger for those of us who come from dysfunctional families. I actually feel validated when I observe that attendance at my F2F group actually increases between Thanksgiving and Christmas. With the inevitable family of origin functions most of us deal with, I know that for me, the grounding I'm able to get from my tribe helps keep me centered.
I hope you have a similar group you can plug into to keep yourself spiritually nourished. It makes such a difference in my holidays.
So thankful you came in and shared. Blessings on ya!
I do feel that the 'load' of Christmas does not fall evenly on the shoulders of everyone and that having even the most reasonable of expectations can give rise to me feeling resentful and taken for granted.
My biggest gripe (not just at Christmas) is when people say thanks for for example a lovely meal yet are quite happy watching you clear the plates, wash up, put stuff away without a moment's thought. ....just sit there spouting annoying platitudes as if it's a bloody hotel with waitress service! I just feel like screaming "I am not a martyr - not looking for praise - just some **** help".
Talk is cheap. Action speaks far louder than words. If such people feel bad or guilty about doing nothing then DO something! What are they waiting for ? Don't just sit there! No adult should have to be constantly asked to help - which then no doubt gets turned into 'nagging' on the askee's part! An email card thank you for all you do becomes meaningless. Talk is cheap, wasted words - which serve no purpose other than to further irritate!!!
I have an issue with not waking up to a dirty kitchen. I just can't bear it. It takes me back mentally to some terrible times. Unfortunately, that obsession usually means the other person has a good excuse to not help as they turn it into a 'neurosis' of mine and complain that they will do the washing up 'in their own time' (and not that evening), so in effect, I feel left with no option but to clear up on my own. I try and make it 'pleasureable' by buying a nicely fragranced washing up liquid and listening to the radio! Talk about trying to 'turn it round' and 'reframe' it!!! Of course the idea of me 'cooking the meal' in my own time is not an option I ever really had ...as in' I'll leave cooking dinner for a few hours....maybe till tomorrow". I could never make the other party see the unfairness of that attitude. I wasn't asking for much.
That said, when ever the other party deigned to help that evening, it was as if they were seeking gold star praise for the rest of the bloody week!!!
I know as adults we mostly have a choice and perhaps I should have simply not cooked at all? Or used paper plates and plastic knives and forks? !!!! I am the only one who can ever make the appropriate changes for my own well-being.
Back to Christmas..often I feel the Christmas Holiday is a holiday for some...for others it's not quite the case!!!!
I believe in Jesus yet ironically it can be the very time of year I struggle to feel closest to Him.
Love & blessings to each and every one of you!
K xx