I wrote 2 long notes and had to erase them It is too much and my battle has been to long. Frankly it hurts to much to think about what happened when I chose to go to a doctor to treat anxiety and depression as a young adult. I am very alone and for good reasons. Why? Why did something that was supposed to help me recover from my abusive home as a child turn out to be fuel to hurt me as an adult. Why did people interfere with my success just to play games even when it meant my life. People give advise I have tried, I do not need advice, this has been a challenge and I have done everything I should. I have never stopped doing what is right. I am so hurt and everyone I should have been able to rely on is a danger. My family is a danger and they exploited anxiety and depression. I am a Medical Assistant. I have never thought to attack someone seeking help for depression and anxiety. I thought there were laws and I was independent. it started with my lawyer mom aka Jean was my MVA lawyer and gained information from my medical record. Twisted that and bypassed everything that is supposed to protect families and patients. Just to play a game. That was the first of many relationships I had to except were so dangerous for me. At the end of the day though you cannot replace a mom. I never expected this. A domino effect happened and since that day I wanted to die, I tried but had my stomach pumped.

Not today though, I made it. But that doesn't mean anything is fixed. I lost my home. lost my place in school and have been paying off one quarter for over 4years. That is thousands but I do not see success as having to leave everything you prayed your whole life to have. My parents to love me like everyone else has. My ex fianc not to have turned verbally abusive, making my daughter be uprooted from the home I made so that she never had to be lost in this world. I left everything behind again because it was not worth it to fight. It all happened because I showed weakness. Events caused me to be so confused, not the initial disorder. It is amazing what happens when you lose everything you worked so hard to have. Things that would make you independent and make you free from your family that was too messed up to trust.

I really need someone who understands. Someone other than doctors who will care. All I have done is form some stability so that no one ever finds out I feel depressed and anxious. I do not want to ever go back to feeling helpless, Asking for help the first time caused me overwhelming confusion. Trial and error of medication. I cannot ever give anyone a way to misuse me again because I do not want to hurt myself. I have a daughter and I regret ever feeling that way.