Accidents Support Group

This community is dedicated to helping members recover from accidents and unexpected events that have caused emotional and/or physical distress. Some examples of accidents that can cause long-term stress include: Aircraft Accidents, Bicycle Accidents, Car and Motorcycle Accidents, Train accidents, Nuclear accidents, Ship accidents, Workplace accidents.

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Traumas & Injuries
/ Accidents Support Group

how to deal with unwanted advice?

tanjat
tanjat
My H had a firecracker accident last week and lost his thumb, he has screw and pins in his hand and lost the tip of his ringfinger. There was nothing left of his thumb all the way to the wrist. at the moment he has his right hand sewn into his groin to grow skin.
People that love us try to cheer me up and I just want to scream at them, they mean well I know but I swear if one more person tells me I need to take time for myself I will lose it.then they tell me it is no worse than having a broken arm...really imagine having your hand in your pocket for 3 weeks and tell me you still think it is like having a cast
I know they mean well but I cant stand it.
another one is " you cant baby him! I am not I am just helping him when he needs me but i make him do by himself what he can! everyone is talking about tough love It has only been a week and he had 2 major surgerys in that time, can we give him a minute?
deleted_user
deleted_user
explain to your loved ones hoe their "advice" is more like pressure. the best thing is communication. im sorry to hear of this terrible accident. i cant give any good advice on this except to communicate how you feel. i hope your future goes better hang in there
deleted_user
deleted_user
Look at it this way,these people care,but don't know exactly what to say.When something like this happens,people that care about you want to be there for you, but just don't know EXACTLY what to say.
As far as the frustration and anger that you seem to be feeling...It's human nature to want to lash out and be angry when someone we love is hurt or killed.
My suggestion is to tell concerned,well meaning people that you appreciate their concern but that you are both dealing as well as possible.It is direct,but doesn't make them feel slighted for trying to be helpful.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Geeze, people are really some bizarre things, it is hard to do, just try to ignore them, they dont know what to say and often they dont think much about it. You may also want to ask one of them to call the others and request them all to be sensitive, that this is not like a broken arm, that it is difficult because it is not like that at all, that you would really be happy if they would just wish you well. I think we should make a list of all the dumb things people have said to us at one time or another. what do you think?? good luck

Cynthia
deleted_user
deleted_user
Geeze, people are really some bizarre things, it is hard to do, just try to ignore them, they dont know what to say and often they dont think much about it. You may also want to ask one of them to call the others and request them all to be sensitive, that this is not like a broken arm, that it is difficult because it is not like that at all, that you would really be happy if they would just wish you well. I think we should make a list of all the dumb things people have said to us at one time or another. what do you think?? good luck

Cynthia
deleted_user
deleted_user
seat down tell them how u feel u a supportive wife hon love ur hubby u doing the right thing hon hope all goes well
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know how you feel. Had the same thing happen with me with my family. Been told I was being overprotective of my son after his car accident, and wanted me to take some time for myself, too... but to me, it was more important for me to be there for my son. no one can truly understand what you are going through unless they have been there. They can say they do, but they don't.