Accidents Support Group
This community is dedicated to helping members recover from accidents and unexpected events that have caused emotional and/or physical distress. Some examples of accidents that can cause long-term stress include: Aircraft Accidents, Bicycle Accidents, Car and Motorcycle Accidents, Train accidents, Nuclear accidents, Ship accidents, Workplace accidents.
Someone, very close to me was just killed. I'm in a huge wave of shock. I wasn't there in the car, but I wish I was. Tears keep filling my eyes but I feel numb. What how could this happen?!?! I told them to just tell me to not sugarcoat whatever it was. I can't believe it though. She was going to be a superhero, to save the world. She wanted to help people. She had the biggest heart. But SHE WAS MURDERED!!! When her gentle heart stopped beating, when she drew her last breathe her life was taken. That is fucking murder! She was pinned in the vehicle and as she screamed in pain they tried to pry her out. But she had lost so much blood on the scene alone. But she's my little fighter and held on the entire ambulance ride. They said her heart stopped in the ambulance but they were able to bring her back. At the hospital her heart stopped twice more, but they kept pulling her back. She was surrounded by medical personnel on a bloody trauma table when her heart stopped the 4th and final time. Her family wasn't there. They say the drunk driver hit the vehicle and called 911 but before any emergency responders arrived the driver fled the scene. The driver was caught and arrested. There was no attempt to try and help her. She waited alone to die. I don't know if I'd rather kill the driver or myself. I should have been with her. I could have pulled her out. She is suppose to out live me not the other way around. She asked me if I wanted to go, and I said it was too late that we should go in the morning. She's dead because I didn't do anything. I hate funerals. I hate wakes more. I hate standing over an ice cold body of someone you know. I hate saying goodbye. I just can't do this on my own. I need someone please. I don't want to so this alone!
You could have not have done any more than you alredy have.
I feel wo badly for your loss..
I was hit by a drunk at high speed. I was the other driver and had to watch my front seat passenger die next to me. I barely survived and became disabled. Being in the car wouldn't have meant that you would have been able to save her. It may have only added to your pain. Perhaps you have survived, by chance events, to continue her work. I don't know. That is for you to discover.
From my experience, my observations are these (PM me for more, ifya like.):
1) Being angry and confused is normal. Staying that way only allows the murderer to continue inflicting pain. You owe it to you both to seek out ways to move to a place of acceptance. You won't forget. Her memory will live on. Focus on the positive memories.
2) There are reasons people drink. There are reasons people drive afterward. The correlation between depression, caused by either biology or painful circumstances, is very, very high. A huge reason I was able to forgive somewhat early on, was compassion for the other driver. He must have already been in pain to get so wasted. Now, his troubles have multiplied.
3) Tragedy has unexpected results. For me, it clearly separated those who were genuine friends and those I was better off without. Also, it provided space for those close to me to demonstrate how much they cared. That was a true, genuine gift to us all. Yes, we all felt a great loss, but good, amazingly, can come from those events. I wouldn't have guessed that before the accident.
4) The long term effects, including pain, disability and survivor's guilt can weigh heavily on me sometimes. However, so much clarity, togetherness and opportunity has been revealed, that believe it or not, if given the option, would accept going through it all over again. (I don't blame people for not understanding just why that could be.)
5) The sun will come out again. Your perspective will change in time. This may be difficult to imagine, but you posting here already shows that you can imagine a better future and are ready to start finding the way there.
Wishing you peace. -W