broken,

Having sex for the reasons you describe is an indication that you are not having healthy sex.

Just because you've had more sex than a nun, as it were, it does not make you a bad person. it just means you've had a lot of sex. I think at this juncture it would behoove you to seek the help of a therapist to address both the trauma you've had and the results of said trauma which is low self worth and excessive sex to compensate for the self worth.

I will be blunt but kind, the formula you have chosen as you can see has not worked and will never work. I know from personal experience. In your particular case, in order for you to remain celibate is to seek professional help and it will help you on your celibate path.

But for now, I can tell you that celibacy is a practice, a lifestyle, as it were. Where sex does not come into the equation because it simply does not matter. In your situation it may not have worked for you because of all the other issues you are currently dealing with.

Sex is not a sin, it is a normal body function like eating but just like eating it has to be done in moderation and handled in a healthy fashion.

Why I say this? Because 1) it's true and 2) because making sex a sin or an issue it actually works against you. You'll want it all the more, so if you were to make sex a choice or a preference, that is not to give it any importance, it would be easier to say no it, like you'd say no to desert if you were full and not feel bad about it.

I cannot erase the number of men you've been with, anymore that you could erase the number of deserts you've had, right? Do not place your worth on that notion and place your worth on the fact that you are God's child and nothing absolutely nothing you could possibly do could make God not love you.

So instead of reading the condemning words, start accumulating the uplifting verses the Bible has and apply them to yourself. That's what they are there for.

Hope this helps,
Wolf

Thanks wolf my neurologist made an appointment for me with a psychiatrist in a couple weeks. I hope that helps. I recently became unemployed because of my numerous medical conditions. I get bored and I get lonely then I feel so worthless since I cant make my own money right now. Even though I made up in my mind that I want to be celibate, its just really hard when I feel so worthless and Im used to being with men to help me feel better. I hope my new psychiatrist can help

broken,

While it is a fact that one's worth can be measured by our ability to either earn money or looks, nothing could be further from the truth.

Our true worth lies on our ability to see ourselves loved and cared by ourselves. That is to say, when we start to love and appreciate ourselves, we then see our true worth and said worth can never be undone.

Relying on others or something for our worth leads to anguish because when our source of worth is absent we then panic and act out. So hence why it is imperative that we love and appreciate ourselves to avoid such traps.

Hopefully the psychiatrist will be able to assist you on this quest to heal your life and yourself. Lastly, as I said before, if you knew just how much God loves you, you would never feel worthless again.

Hugs,
Wolf

Please try not to dwell on the past in which we have no control over, however, moving forward let today be the FIRST DAY of the rest of your life! You mentioned you are trying to adhere to Bible standards; one of many Bible scriptures that may help is Colossians 3:5 whichs says in part: 'Deaden your body members as respects to sexual immorality, uncontrolled sexual passion and hurtful desire.' Be cognizant of 'mood music', romantic movies or books. These things can sabotage your goal of abstinence. You can gain the victory!

I was sexually abused. Some women that have been sexually abused are prone to have casual sex. Are you getting help with dealing with abuse?
It effects are self esteem, our sexuality and social skills.

Its not hard as some make it not havin g sex is like not touching a hot pot with your bare hand or not walking on broken glass bare feet its a mind thing first your barain needs to understand why u shouldnt do something then it becomes second nature not to do it sex is as want not a need ihave not hadvsex over 2 years almost 3 now I had sex with more the 25 people before I was 18 I was married at 24 ways been 100% faithfulvbut have slept witj over 100 people in my life and must say the amount of people I had sex with in my past don't control my future and your past don't control yours. I'm 41 now and when I say over 100 people I mean way over 100 and I'm 100% STD free alwaysvused condoms outside marrigevand sometimes in marrige. And up untill 08 I had sex maybe 340 to 350 year and weather I did this with several peolple or one person does not change the person I am or does it effect my decision not to have sex now. Good luck and remember no one is perfect my biggest advice to u for this to work I'd do this for your self snd no one else I tendvto see people who say religion is they reason it dont last do it for you. And I been raped by over 4 people and it didn't make me gay or efffect my sex life the firts time I was 10 second time 14 ect...... and deciding to ce celibate will never erase your past but can help build ur future everyday is a new day and a new begining again good luck

The secret is following a strict program like the 12 steps of AA or attending SAA in your area, and dealing with the underlaying psychological problems while physically abstaining from all trigger areas. Traditional therapy will also help.
If all men trigger you, stay away from all men in your life, and meanwhile work on your underlying issues. Abstinence may take a great deal of isolation at first until you begin to feel strong enough to go into public without being triggered.
During the first while you need to become aware of all your triggers, write them down.
I'm not sure if you have an actual sex addiction or not, but you are close enough to having a problem with it to treat it like such.

A sex addict has to cut out the problematic areas so depending on the problem you don't actually have to be completely celibate, you are just abstaining from the problem. It's not entirely healthy for a sex addict to cut out all forms of sexual release, as it can set them up for a very big relapse. For example, it's good to learn how to masturbate in a healthy balance while abstaining from actual sex.

Over time, you may end up meeting a nice man who you might fall in love with, you'll be able to learn how to have a healthy happy relationship, so it's not like you have to abstain forever.

Even people with full blown sex addictions can learn to cope with the addiction and eventually settle down into a healthy relationship.

Dealing with abuse will present many issues that you have to overcome.

Learning self confidence is something you'll have to practice daily, by learning how to stand up for yourself, becoming happier with your body and sense of who you are. There are a wide range of things you can do, but don't put yourself in situations to test yourself. Take up a martial art so that you can feel more in control.
If you tend to be more submissive, you need to emphasise the dominant part of yourself, learn to stand up for yourself.
Do not hang around people in your life that make you feel unworthy, ditch all the so called friends and family in your life that are toxic to you and go find healthy, strong supportive friends.
Try the fake it till you make it approach - it actually works. Pretend to be someone your not. Try being one of those beautiful chicks on movies who reject men all the time, act like it, and don't be a door mat for people to walk on.
People turn to casual sex so they can pretend like the abuse that happened to them in the past was nothing, they exist in denial of it, they think indulging in lots of sex somehow makes them feel more in control, trying to prentend to themselves that sex doesn't bother them, but the truth is deep down inside they are terrified and are traumatizing themselves over and over again.
In the moment, it kind of helps to take responsibilty and face your demons. Realize that, the reason you are reaching out to sex isn't either A) or B).
You use A) as an excuse and also B) as an excuse.
The actual reason you use sex is because you feel unworthy of anything better, you hate yourself, you are terrified of people, you are so scared of being hurt so you'd rather continue to harm yourself with careless sex so that no one else can, ect. If any of that rings true, then at this point, you also probably realize that your behaviours are just a reason to cope with the fact that you feel so small, weak and pitiful, and this sounds very harsh but it's important to embrace our truths and how we really feel. There is nothing good about a past of abuse, our child selves are damaged and need to heal and they NEED us to hear them out. There is no point in lying to ourselves anymore.
The real secret to recovery is honesty and courage. It is terrifying to face our shadows, but it is very needed.
Another form of therapy to try is part work, you can even do this by yourself or with a good friend. Sit down and talk to the part of you that was abused, and let that part of you speak and get out her feelings. Then afterwards, you can start to build a friendship wth that part of yourself, this is very important. Once you both start to trust eachother, (trusting yourself) you can start a positive, healthy strong relationship with yourself.
Celibacy requires a lot more than just the act of abstaining from sex, it's very hard work.
I really hope that you can manage to find the adequete support and help that you need and I hope this helps to underline some of the work that might need to be done.