Abstinence & Celibacy Support Group
The pressures of sex from peers, the media and culture can be overwhelming, but you are in total control of your body and celibacy is a choice that many are making. Find sanctuary with people who are choosing to abstain without fear of judgment.
i know i sound like a broken record, but maybe its me that i am not having sex right now and not that im choosing not to, what i mean is maybe i am not worth to be experiencing this feeling in my life, or ever in my life if it happens. I guess i am just not worthy of having a girlfriend then, i dont really care i will just focus on my studies at this time, i like to work out, im smart, and i am good to people, i guess i just dont have the looks to attract sexually seductive women to me, well that sucks. Maybe there is more to life than just sleeping around, but then why am i so lonely sometimes? Maybe its just me, maybe i am not worthy of being boyfriend material right now at this age, girls want a guy that is fun to be around, i think i am fun but i am shy sometimes, and i dint really see a point in dating when i work all the time. Is it Really me or am i just that unattractive to women that i dont put out any sexual vibes so they dont want to be around me, i thought i was doing right thing with my life, by getting future planned ahead like career, money. I am only asking this is because if i dont date and be sexually active then i wont learn from my mistakes and be able to make a better decision later on in my life, is that a bad idea to keep waiting to date. Even most Christianity beliefs say that its ok for a man to be sexually active before marriage, that is why i dont go to church anymore because the pastors laughed at me for being a virgin and even the older guys there. maybe i cant hold a relationship then........ fuck it i wont have to think about this for a long time anyway.
To begin with, there is no such a thing as failure since all you do produces a result. Mind you, it is not the desired result but it is a result nonetheless.
You may think that you are not wanted but that is not exactly accurate. The issue lies with the way you perceive yourself. Perhaps, it may not have helped that others told you the things you are currently repeating as true for you which I can assure you, there are not.
What I suggest you do to correct that situation is to change the way you see yourself. As the saying goes, your thoughts create you reality. Saying things like those in your profile will perpetuate your feelings of being unwanted.
Perhaps a bit of therapy may be helpful or if you do not want that, you may want to read a nifty book called, "You can heal your life" by Louise Hay where you can learn how to change the way you see yourself for the better.
Other books that may be helpful are: "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie and the ever tried and true "The Power of Positive Thinking" By Norman Vincent Peale who himself had a ghastly self esteem.
I say this because I used to say exactly the same thing you are and after I turned myself and my thoughts around, I happy to say that I am no longer lonely and now I can choose to be celibate, instead of being forced into it because of how I feel about myself.
Another crucial thing that needs to happen is that you have go to be able to be comfortable being alone, otherwise you'll never be good company because you'll always be in need.
Best of luck,
Wolf
I once read a statement that applies here so well, it is not amusing and it goes like this:
"Argue for your limitation and you will have them". In other words, nothing in your life will change, unless you change the way you see things, the more you concentrate on the problem and not the solutions, the more you will not find a solution.
In other words, this has nothing to do with what's out there, what someone says or does not say to you, what someone does or does not do, and everything to do with the way you are dealing with the problem. It is all about you and not them. This has to do with you and how you are seeing yourself.
You know what insanity is? It is doing the same thing, thinking the same thoughts and expecting different results. And to add to that, you can never solve a problem if the solution is at the same level of the problem.
So, stop the insanity and think higher and better thoughts, learn to love yourself, and as I told you before, you'll find love.
Wolf
I kind of understand how you feel about people not being attracted to you. I was saying to a friend I don't understand why guys don't like me. I can cook well, I'm a clean freak, I sew, I bake, I can crochet, I hold my own in a conversation, and I'm myself. ...why am I such a leper to people?
Then I thought about it, and maybe it's because I'm looking for the people who wouldn't be a good fit for me.
I choose to be celibate because if and when I were to get sexually involved for someone, I want it to be something that can add to the relationship, not be the source of it. I think for me it's a need for intimacy but, not necessarily sex itself. However; I have used sex in the past to try to get closer to people who didn't want anything but what was between my legs.
The main thing I think is you should focus on yourself, and get yourself where you want to be and settled. Then after you're in a place you want to be, then maybe try to fulfill the void where are relationship or some sort of companionship is needed.
PS- People laughing at you at the church, especially the pastor just because you're a virgin are the idiots. I don't bother with church myself, because it seems like one can't even enjoy anything, or it's a "sin".
Do women actually tell you that you are not boyfriend material or is this just your opinion of yourself you have made in your mind?
There are also a lot of men who had about every women they wanted in their life but never are able to have stable marriwed life and they also struggle that everybody uses them for sex. There are also people who have healthy balance- stable marriage. May be couple girlfriends before marriage, couple lovers while married but nothing outstanding. Or couple stable marriages during life.
So it is your choice to deside whether you want to be on one side, the other side or in the middle.