It could very well be the depression, you know?
Have you seen a doctor about it?

Are you on any meds that may affect your libido?

I personally think it's not unhealthy to feel this way, especially when you regard your sexuality in the context of a relationship. I don't think enough people do this. Your feeling of sensuality and drive is best nurtured when you are in a loving relationship, and without one, perhaps you just don't have those urges.

That was alot to digest, but easy to swallow at the same time.

It sounds like you might just be awesome, but jerks and a-holes have used you for sex, then creatively lied about it. I'm laughing right now because that is the truth I had to come to, but mine was with women, and everyone calling me a "pussy" for complaining about it! LOL!!!!

So life isn't that bad. I've got it, that thing about your physical feature and that guy saying it, was a blessing in disguise, he did you a favor by showing you his immaturity.

No one who loves another will make fun of something so obviously uncomfortable to talk about as genitalia, if they weren't taking it as seriously as you. I think you just haven't found someone who takes it as seriously as you and that is why the dissatisfaction is happinging to you. The problem is you're seeing it as you have a "problem" of asexuality, when really, nothing on the plate is looking good enough to eat! That's what I hear when I read you words, but I could be wrong.

Does that makes sense? Basically what I'm saying is you're actually in the perfect spot for Mr. right to appear. You're also extremley blessed to the degree that some women never experience the courage to speak about unsatisfaction openly and honestly like you have and did. They suffer continually because their needs aren't getting met, but they have to fake like they are getting met at the same time! Complete misery!

You really got a fire going in me, because I love it when women speak frankly and openly about their ideals of sex and love, because as men we really just think we know in order to not be called "pussies" by our peers! We desperately need women to start speaking out about how uncomfortable such an "importance on sex" is on society, if it is a valued truth that will help us all help you all more.

You sound like a lovely women who probably has a bit of a biological clock ticking as well (perfectly natural and normal for a woman in her early thirties), who just needs a friend as much as a SO.

I see relationships fail all the time because people don't get to know each other before they give themselves to each other. Then they wonder why they end up hating the person after the "great sex" because they never knew who they were in the first place, because masks are worn everytime an individual only seeks sex, as a partner seeking or significant other's meaning.

Basically if you're going out or on the market to "get F*****", then you are probably metaphorically going to get "screwed" in the end too relationship wise.

So my advice is this, take a good 2 to four weeks to get to know yourself as a goal and what you really like and want. For instance, I want a plethora of kids, but I despise traditional and modern marriage as a psychology, so women looking for a husband I can only seeking to support and be honest with as a denial, because I would end up treating them other than how they wanted, simply because I didn't want to be married in the first place, and I basically would be living a white lie 24/7 as long as in a relationship with them.

I'd bet something, that just confused anyone who read that, sorry, I'm a chronic run-on sentence wanna be artist. Basically it's this simple because I'm not getting paid for this shit and life is too short to work while in poverty already, but it goes like this....

Be 100% honest with yourself, anyone you would like to be with, but also those who you feel or know it wouldn't work out. I'm am the last person the typical person looking for love would want to get into a relationship with because I am such a huge failure at immitation and was born knowing how to love another, unlike some of the most adorned. I wish I had more advice for you, I've met women like you who dream of marriage and children for so long, then nothing either happens or goes their way, then they feel hopeless, then they change for the worse sometimes and actually become more like subjects of males.

I don't know you, I don't know why, but I want to say you are in the perfect spot for someone to love you because you know you want love. There is always someone willing to love someone who wants it, and some of the most memorable children in history were born to women older than the age of 30, so the most important thing I can say as a conclussion is "never worry about love because worry has no place within love". I hope you experience that soon, and I hope you experience that with someone that loves you as well.

You probably want to leave the ones alone who are labeled "mentally ill" because most of us really aren't "mentally ill" like original psychology prescribed, and alot of us are just angry at the lack of opportunity and constant lies of the system. We simply aren't date-able because we have been so wronged by both the medical community and blatant one sided economics to even think straight, it's not you're fault we can't make you happy, it's no ones actually. We can get frustrated, which can translate to verbal abuse, and nobody deserves abuse, physical or verbal. So start going after the "normal, nice" guys, you'll find most of the time they are far from "normal and nice" when you really get them to open up and show their personalities. You don't want an unstable radical having anything to do with you if you're looking for love and a baby, we are damaged goods.

One thing about your body, because as a male, even though it is not seen as acceptable to the uptight and prude, I too have body issues and need acceptable more than disapproval in a mate. I'm a hairy guy, and two people I thought I could settle down with had problems with my hair sexually, and that was a hard pill to swallow, but such a gift for the future at the same time.

I'd like to talk to you some more about this though, I've always been interested in Asexuality and it's purpose, if that is the correct way to phrase it.

Sincerely,

Peace.

I have been asexual for 5 months and I struggle daily with different emotional feelings; I can't see the word "sex" without having sexual emotions. I hate seeing couples together I can't watch TV without feeling a certain way. How can I get through this because I want to continue to practice celibacy until marriage.

Yarnell,

Let me share this with you. As I was working out today I realized my body physically can't tell if I am working out from sexual activity or any other activity as an aparatus for oxygen.

I suggest strong workouts or mental activities (ideally both) to get your mind of what you feel is an overpowering desire.

I don't know your sexual history, I don't know your views when it comes to sex, but I do know there are ways to stay calm and peace filled without sex in ones life. Sex sells is just as big a truth as sex kills, so is it safe to say your focus on sex is kinda killing you?

I know that was the case for me, so I had to actually become very desperate to rid myself of what I consider a beast of unkind nature. Let me just state what I did and how it is helping, mostly my thoughts on sex and my body as a reaction to no sex or release.

I had to eliminate "whores" and "ho's" from any line of influence, not because I think they are bad or harmful even, but because now I know I have a choice in sexuality through activity, and I chose to not talk or listen to them. It's incredible the non-depressing feelings that come from talking to people who aren't centered on sex or mating. Eventually I got to a point where I was able to see how "misguided" they were, hence leading me to conclussions that they make horrible decisions, and their advice would make me more miserable than happy, because misery loves company as a law. So don't be afraid to not go have the drink or gossip with the "sex lovers" if you just don't want to.

Secondly,
I had to both exercise vigorously, and also force my body to recieve nutrients that could substitute for a mild euphoria. For instance, a bit of candy or some ice cream, can do wonders for a person tortured by thoughts of sex. If sex is dominating your mind, obviously everything else (sometimes really important things for survival) go on the back burner, so it's this simple, make sex the least important thing on your plate, and you're do fine. You might even find someday that you were fortunate not to believe the lie that sex is the root to happiness and freedom. Society acts like sex is the root to happiness and freedom but at the same time ignores epidemics like teen pregnancy, disfiguring disease in the form of STD's, and too many failed marriages to count for anything substantial as an ideal.

Lastly, I had to call a spade a spade and I had to come to grips with the reality that women are a huge reason why sex is such a hinderance at times. Now this is a personal view, it's not a fact, it's my opinion, but I needed this truth to stop patronizing them in fear that I wasn't going to get what I thought I needed, sex. Since I realized that the object of my desire cared more about itself than me, when it came to an act of union, in the form of intercourse, I have absolutely no need for that type of character. Furthermore it makes me feel wonderful to be able to express that without societal consequence and helps me find my real self. My real self has always thought and now will confirm my original thoughts that sex has no power to honestly influence anything it isn't lying to. Basically what I am saying is, I don't and never did need sex, I just listened to leaders and a society that said it was "how things are", and now feel great knowing they really were just miserable misguided liars who can't stand that I was blessed with a mind to minimize sex and view it as special.

Although women, I literally in the past would have without question died for any second on any day (certainly not now though), in my eyes and mind are the most beautiful things to ever be created naturally, it's just not worth the pain of submissionm if you will, to something that might not even take care of the seed correctly if conception was to occur through no faults of our own.

So, the object of my desire was actually a huge deception, that was leading me towards it's path of happiness, and not my own or our path to happiness. My desire now, is to basically avoid anything that is going to either manipulate me to act sexually or infect my life to the point where I hate them for their selfishness. The best course of action for this objective is complete removal from the discussion of "sex importance". Like I said, I can find ways to stimulate and satisfy my body, not even in a sexual way, that will fit the bill for frustration and need for release. For instance I could sing, I could cook, I could walk around the neighborhood, I could write, I could work, I could do a number of things that not only make me happy while I'm doing them freely, but won't make me continually question if I have problems in a certain area (sex) or not. Sex is one big overration, but it's the only thing some women truly believe they have, and that is so sad, but so true, but not my issue, so I refuse to beat this horse anymore. It's this simple, if I'm meant to have sex, I'll be having sex, I honestly believe I wasn't born to obsess over sex, so it's just a simple character fault that is easy to deal with, if the person can accept honesty most importantly. Life is too precious and short to be wasting time on trivial matters like recreational sex.

So again, everytime your mind goes "sexual" fight to regain balance by doing something "non-sexual" and don't feel weak or weird for it. Going to bars looking to bang genitals is a little weak for my taste, it makes me no better than another though, I will admit I have serious sexual bindings of my own due to pornography use. Call me a romantic of a lost age, but I never found any value in casual sex, so much that I rather would have fantasized through entertainment called pornography, due to a sexual instinct I thought was the hallmark of manhood.

The fact is you could never have sex, and you'd still be a man (or a woman), and you could have sex with millions and you'll still be a man (or a woman), that's the truth. Sex has no bearing on anything monumental when it's all said and done. Society acts like people will get locked out of heaven for not "humping regularly", it's just not true, don't believe these liars that really are just wanting some company in their misery.

So in conclussion again,

Accept and embrace an exercise routine that returns you to states of balance and wellness

Eat as well and as stressless as possible, include lots of water so oxygen flow and circulation can get to your body and brain.

Don't believe the falsehood that sex means something as a status of importance or love. I heard of a famous singer who had to bang like five chicks even before he could muster up the energy to sing at concerts, can I really say I want to either listen to or acknowledge them as a helpful podium for me not feeling miserable? No, the fact of that hearsay (because I didn't witness it with my own eyes) is that person cares for none of the five he uses, none of my problems with my affects from listening to the music, they only care about their own sexual needs and desires, because they are trying to fill a void stuffed with misery. If you want to be miserable, obviously you don't because you came here for help, rationalize instead of be honest with sex, and misery will be your best friend.

You can be the most sexy person in the world with drool coming out of everyones mouths you see, sees you, but if you don't have sanity or love, the sex is going to be not even worth the time, in the short and long runs eventually. It also will damage other people's lives who had no intention of harm or anything negative, sometimes that is the most damaging aspect of complete love of sex without any love within.

Peace.

Brojin, what's going on with you happened to me many times in my life. You just... go off sex at times. It just doesn't feel necessary. You're right in stating that this is psychological in its genesis. If you and your partner aren't getting along, it destroys your libido. Nothing complicated about that. And then, you get busy focussing your energy on other things and forget about sex. As we age, libido declines anyway.

If its making you depressed, you can try (perhaps) an SNRI antidepressant.

In my case, menopause hit and now I have no libido at all. I also don't have a partner, so - for me - its no big deal. If it is for you, then have it properly addressed.

And this business about "whores and hos" is PROFOUNDLY offensive and not at all helpful in advancing the discussion at hand.

Thanks, all, for the responses. As clarification: The only meds I take are sex hormones! (Not primarily to boost libido, although they ought to have that effect. Yes, prescribed by a doctor.) I am not necessarily female, probably not looking to marry, and definitely not looking to reproduce. Following my recent breakup, I still have no physical/psychological sexual response nor romantic interest whatsoever. Not even a flicker, ever--it's just totally dead. This is going to be a loooong dry spell.

When some people break up with their sex partner, they're out looking for a new sex partner within the week. I've never been like that. It always takes me a year to recover before I'm ready or interested. I'm pretty sure I'll need multiple years this time.

I'm not aware of any label for this kind of sexual/asexual pattern. Maybe that's why it's hard for me to interpret.

Let me get this straightyou were in a relationship for four years where the first two years you were sexually active and you were the more adventurist one. Essentially, your partner viciously attack your self-esteem when upon breakup he made cruel, hurtful remarks about your body, stating that he was not as turned on as you were. He did not communicate any of this to you during your time together only at the very end and did not consider your feelings or opinion when breaking up with you. This to me indicates that your partner was very self-absorbed and covertly sadistic. For nearly two months you have felt numb, no sexual feelings.
You were very self-reflective when you said:
This latest one struck at my oldest insecurity, the one I've worked my whole life to overcome, so that I feel like I've been made into a vulnerable little teenage Swiss-cheese ego again.
Its not a sin to have problems, its a sin not to do anything about them. Only you know your situation, but if I had to guess, your self-esteem and boundaries have been under attack and violated since day one of your existence, hence you are a natural born victim attracting narcissistic people. Thats not your fault, you had no way of control that aspect of your life. But your choices are yours to make.
You cant get blood out of a turnip, these men cant give you what you want. Men who have unmanaged mental illnesses are dangerous and you need to stay away from them. Which, brings you to your bigger problem or challenge, what you need to do is list your family history. Why, because you need to be aware of what problems and dysfunctions your family has. If you do this you will realize what you think is normal. We are only comfortable with what we know. Perhaps members of your family had unmanageable mental illnesses and hence you feel comfortable with people who arent managing theirs. Your family of origin probably has other issues that you need to become conscious of so you can avoid, in the future others, that possess these concerns hence save yourself from a lot of pain and suffering.
Your body is going into a depression, which is good because it wants to keep you safe. However, you need to get medical help because in the long run its not very productive to shut down like that. From what you have written, you need to:
Learn to distinguish good from bad, maybe you need to learn how to weed out good people for bad, all across the board. To do this you need to learn how to set boundaries. I would recommend two books: The first is called the Rules and the second is called, why men love bitches. I could send you the second one via email in a PDF format if you like. Of the two books, I would recommend you read the Rules first because --its a fast read and it will lay the ground rules for all your relationships and give you the reasons why.
Once you have a protective wall up around your property (yourself) you can cultivate whats inside in safety and privacy, which now brings up to your second challenge self-esteem. You are going to have to get a support system in place in order to change. A therapist or a support group, maybe both. Why? You needs these to act as your mirrors because while youre depressed your internal mirror is warped and unreliable. Once you have a better self-image and self-love you can move on.
If you decide to date again, before you do so, you will need to learn how to identify dangerous men in order to stay away from them. Theres a book called, how to spot a dangerous man before you get involved. I would recommend the book because it will give you a framework to build a security system on so you can be free to find someone healthy and able to give you love.
Best Wishes and Luck, T

From what I've read, asexuality is a sexual orientation.
Your posts suggests that you are clinically depressed, not asexual.

Thanks, Tina, I appreciate it. You've got me pegged mostly correctly. I always end up with narcissistic people (often with undiagnosed/untreated mental illnesses) who can't comprehend my needs and desires and can't engage with me as a full person, and I end up acting out "victim" behavior patterns.

I am still in the same spot. In most respects I'm healthy -- living in my own apartment, doing well at the same job, pursuing creative projects in my spare time, getting out of the house (taking myself to theater, book readings, social events, etc.) -- but I'm still not feeling any mental/physical sexual interest in anyone whosoever, real or fictional, nor in my own body. Really long asexual spell. I don't know if it will ever lift; I'm not sure I want it to. I don't want another bad relationship. I'd rather be alone.