Abstinence & Celibacy Support Group
The pressures of sex from peers, the media and culture can be overwhelming, but you are in total control of your body and celibacy is a choice that many are making. Find sanctuary with people who are choosing to abstain without fear of judgment.
I'm in a relationship (a few months in) and dont want to have sex with him. He is a lovely guy and doesnt put pressure on me but the few times we have done it I have felt numb and haven't enjoyed it and wanted it to be over as soon as possible. I have a shady past. Is it ok to be in a relationship and not have sex or is that asking to much of him and should I break it off and let him find some one else that can service his needs. Its not that I dont love him I do but I just cant do it with anyone.
If you do not want to have sex with someone for whatever reason, it is YOUR perfect right to say no and furthermore if you find having sex with said person is not enjoyable, you have the responsibility to end the relationship any time you want to.
As for the shady past comment, we all have done things that are questionable, not one of us are perfect, but that does not mean that we should tolerate things that are not good for us. Based on your profile, I'd venture to say that perhaps you may be able to benefit from therapy so that you can establish proper boundaries before a relationship starts and regain your sense of self so that you are able to end any relationship that does not meet your values.
As for it being okay to be in a relationship and not have sex, it is perfectly okay, however, since it involves another person, that requirement needs to be okay with the person you are with, as well. Since this society is indeed sex obsessed, it would be difficult to find someone who'd agree to that stipulation but not impossible.
However, given your past experiences as I read them in your profile, it would actually behoove you to not enter a relationship for a while and start working on your issues, instead. Then you'll be able to have a relationship on your terms.
How do I know you have not overcome your issues? If you have to ask if it's okay not to have sex while in a relationship and you are having sex and it leaves you numb, something indeed is out of kilter in your life.
Therapy will show you how to love and appreciate yourself, at this moment if you are doing things in a relationship that leave you numb, you not loving yourself, and in turn, you cannot say you love him either. You may think you love him but if you do not truly love yourself, you cannot love another.
The form of love you have for him is unhealthy because it ends up hurting you and love is not supposed to be that way. It is supposed to empower you not bring you further down that you already are.
Hope this helps,
Wolf