Abstinence & Celibacy Support Group
The pressures of sex from peers, the media and culture can be overwhelming, but you are in total control of your body and celibacy is a choice that many are making. Find sanctuary with people who are choosing to abstain without fear of judgment.
For most of this past year, I've been so excited about my time with the Lord, I couldn't see having room for an actual man in my life. Being single felt pretty much like a cake walk. I am a highly sexual person, but also spiritual. I thought, Jesus has got me. I can be committed exclusively to him.
Yesterday I had temptation. Someone I've known only at a distance, came much closer (via phone). He wants to see me, and promised to respect my boundaries. He, like me, is feeling lonely, and craving company. I was having a really hard day in terms of feeling physically hungry, and listening to music that only exacerbates it. I'd prayed yesterday that God please show me how to reach out and help more people, as an offering to him, and then came this friend. I'd stopped most of my male friendships, with an exception for a few married men in their seventies from my church, including the pastor, who I turn to for fatherly counsel. Did God send me this friend for spiritual reasons, or is this the enemy trying to throw me off course? To be honest, I just want ONE DAY?NIGHT with this friend, where we can hang out at the beach, lie in a bed somewhere talking and kissing, and where I can sleep in his arms. I miss this so much!!! I don't want sex. I want a night with a physical prince.
I am asking right now for guidance. And for prayer. My friend's loneliness appeals to me, as it matches my own. Jesus can fill that loneliness, yes. My thirst is too deep for a man to quench. Am I playing with fire if I get together with my friend to talk about God, mixed with a little bit of connection? In some ways, I feel God brought us together right now. How can I glorify God in this? If I ask my male mentors from church, they all tell me to stay away from all men because they only want one thing, but this isn't completely true. How can I help and connect with my friend while still glorifying God fully and not compromising my personal vows?
Yesterday I had temptation. Someone I've known only at a distance, came much closer (via phone). He wants to see me, and promised to respect my boundaries. He, like me, is feeling lonely, and craving company. I was having a really hard day in terms of feeling physically hungry, and listening to music that only exacerbates it. I'd prayed yesterday that God please show me how to reach out and help more people, as an offering to him, and then came this friend. I'd stopped most of my male friendships, with an exception for a few married men in their seventies from my church, including the pastor, who I turn to for fatherly counsel. Did God send me this friend for spiritual reasons, or is this the enemy trying to throw me off course? To be honest, I just want ONE DAY?NIGHT with this friend, where we can hang out at the beach, lie in a bed somewhere talking and kissing, and where I can sleep in his arms. I miss this so much!!! I don't want sex. I want a night with a physical prince.
I am asking right now for guidance. And for prayer. My friend's loneliness appeals to me, as it matches my own. Jesus can fill that loneliness, yes. My thirst is too deep for a man to quench. Am I playing with fire if I get together with my friend to talk about God, mixed with a little bit of connection? In some ways, I feel God brought us together right now. How can I glorify God in this? If I ask my male mentors from church, they all tell me to stay away from all men because they only want one thing, but this isn't completely true. How can I help and connect with my friend while still glorifying God fully and not compromising my personal vows?
I just read your post and thought I should reply. Both you and your friend are feeling lonely right now. If you should spend one day or night alone with him you most likely fall into temptation. I do understand where you are coming from though, but controlling oneself when both you and your friend are lonely is not quite easy.
I recently told a friend I would visit him to pick something up at his home. It was then I realize my mistake. I thought I would go and if one thing lead to another I just won't have sex. But that is truly wishful thinking. I won't go to his home because I don't trust us alone together. It is only natural for a man and a woman to be attracted to each other and things can quickly get out of control. So that you won't be alone with him, try going out for a picnic. You can be alone with him without and not be so tempted to go
I know it is not easy waiting, but being alone with your make friend for one night is like leaving a kid in a candy store. I wish you the best.
I don't yet know if I am the type of person to be forever single--I wish I was but am doubting that gift at the moment.
I want to be single until at least the fall, when I will hopefully be starting my new career and severely busy doing good work for the Lord. I wish my pastor had more time for me, but he is a busy man. When he gave me more attention, I didn't need a man. I am without a doubt, lonely. I crave the attention of someone who likes me exclusively right now. I pray that God gives me this joy through Jesus.
My history is scattered. I've never had a long term relationship past three years, and I don't necessarily envy them. I find most couples to be miserable with each other. My experience is that I really love friendship and sexual intimacy, but so often married couples end up dragging each other down, holding each other back, abusing each other. .. I want to be free to serve the Lord with a full and healthy energy level.
i will be careful if I hang out with my Christian friend. I will see what God lays before me, and I will keep you posted.
You both sound like kindred spirits for me and I so appreciate your guidance. Thank you for your responses!
Since you brought up how lonely you are without a male partner, have you considered getting married? I think that will solve your problem of loneliness, while keeping you safe from committing sexual sin.
I am in the same boat as you, mscastle. But on the whole, I know I am meant to be unattached and celibate. If you are trying to discern God's plan for your body, it will be much harder when giving into temptation. People who have vowed celibacy (I am not saying I agree with forced/mandatory celibacy) practice self-control, which includes avoiding all near occasions of temptation.
I agree--meeting in a public place and being upfront and honest about your intentions are both very good ways to keep this temptation at bay.
Good luck
I agree with Sosa, getting married solely to avoid feelings of loneliness is a very bad idea since loneliness is a direct result of an erroneous belief that we are incomplete without a partner.
The actual cure for loneliness is to learn to enjoy our own company so that if someone does come into our life is an addition not a need.
Furthernore, I wasted 25 some years of my life buying into that mindset you mentioned and after the last failed relationship, I decided to live the celibate life and it was the best decision I ever made.
I am now happier than I have ever been now that while learning to live celibate, I am not meant to be attached and relationships actually annoy me to no end, so for me solitude is my friend.
Besides, I am not alone. My cats provide me with love and my need to love and care for others gets taken care of, as well. In other words, not all of us are meant to be married.
Wolf