Abstinence & Celibacy Support Group
The pressures of sex from peers, the media and culture can be overwhelming, but you are in total control of your body and celibacy is a choice that many are making. Find sanctuary with people who are choosing to abstain without fear of judgment.
Hi,
This is my first post so hope this isn't too awkward but assuming I came to the right place to vent...
I never realized how severely connected my emotions were to the act of sex for me until I took notice of how I felt after mastrurbation.
I learned through past mistakes that when I engaged in intercourse it was often-more than not-that it was in attempt to get closer to someone and not just for the physical thrill-but in hopes of reaching a higher level of intimacy.
In short, I just wanted to be loved and I searched high and low for that love everywhere but from within myself.
Now knowing where to seek that love, I have turned my focus inward and have been sexually abstinent for a little over a year now.
The resistance of physically engaging with someone isn't as difficult as I anticipated (I guess that just confirms how dedicated my heart is on not settling for anything less than I know I deserve), but I've raised concerns about the act of mastrurbation for me.
Not so much in frequency, but WHEN I do do it, even my masturbatory fantasies are emotional. I'm thinking of a man making love to me for once instead of just humping me. But when I'm done I don't feel physically relieved, I just feel mentally and emotionally exhausted, and even lonelier and unfortunately hopeless. It's like I'm not masturbaring for physical pleasure, it's almost like a duty or coping mechanism on the days the loneliness catches up to me and consumes me.
Idk what all this means, maybe once I find that inner love I've been seeking some of this will fade, not sure if it's just normal and even needs to fade...or maybe it's the emotional power of the orgasm and I'm just trippin...lol idk, I could just be over thinking it...I do that a lot.
This is my first post so hope this isn't too awkward but assuming I came to the right place to vent...
I never realized how severely connected my emotions were to the act of sex for me until I took notice of how I felt after mastrurbation.
I learned through past mistakes that when I engaged in intercourse it was often-more than not-that it was in attempt to get closer to someone and not just for the physical thrill-but in hopes of reaching a higher level of intimacy.
In short, I just wanted to be loved and I searched high and low for that love everywhere but from within myself.
Now knowing where to seek that love, I have turned my focus inward and have been sexually abstinent for a little over a year now.
The resistance of physically engaging with someone isn't as difficult as I anticipated (I guess that just confirms how dedicated my heart is on not settling for anything less than I know I deserve), but I've raised concerns about the act of mastrurbation for me.
Not so much in frequency, but WHEN I do do it, even my masturbatory fantasies are emotional. I'm thinking of a man making love to me for once instead of just humping me. But when I'm done I don't feel physically relieved, I just feel mentally and emotionally exhausted, and even lonelier and unfortunately hopeless. It's like I'm not masturbaring for physical pleasure, it's almost like a duty or coping mechanism on the days the loneliness catches up to me and consumes me.
Idk what all this means, maybe once I find that inner love I've been seeking some of this will fade, not sure if it's just normal and even needs to fade...or maybe it's the emotional power of the orgasm and I'm just trippin...lol idk, I could just be over thinking it...I do that a lot.
I often jumped into bed right away with men because I wanted to please them, and wasn't concerned at all about what would please me (ie letting a relationship develop, enjoying the romance, the excitement that builds up to intimacy over time).
A higher level intimacy--I like that. It underscores that intimacy need not be physical all the time. Have you asked yourself what such a level might look like for you?
I certainly wouldn't dismiss this with a judgmental hand; as I said I think you are on to something. And your celibate progress seems to be offering up some lessons about you and what you expect in a relationship, and what's important to you.
Thank you for sharing!
I know I need actual emotion in connection with reality, it sounds like you know there is more in store for your wants and needs. I think this is a big revelation some don't ever experience. Good job and keep questioning.
And yes it did eventually become a coping mechanism towards an unfilled void. Knowing I am no longer contributing to the void by fantasizing and masturbating I'm finding is giving me the strength to temporarily fill the void until a special person comes along to share intimacy and emotion with. I don't believe we were created to not share our emotions.
I commend you on talking about this openly and honestly, this is hard stuff to talk about and thanks for leading the way.
Good luck and thanks again.