Abstinence & Celibacy Support Group
The pressures of sex from peers, the media and culture can be overwhelming, but you are in total control of your body and celibacy is a choice that many are making. Find sanctuary with people who are choosing to abstain without fear of judgment.
I have been celebate for four years since my divorce. I have nobody in my life at this point nor am I looking. My ex-husband is the only man I have been with which leads me to my question. I aways believed in monogamy but my ex-husband threw that out the window. How do you know in new relationships about diseases? I am absolutely terrified of even having sex with a condom let alone marrying someone and have sex without one. My ex-husband has been through 6 women in the last 4 years. How does each woman or even my ex know who the other person has had sex with? Does this make sense? If God grants me the opportunity to find someone in a loving marriage I would want to have sex again but it terrifies me with all the sexually transmitted diseases out there. Thanks for any advice or words of wisdom.
I fully understand your concern and as a heterosexual woman, you have every right to be concerned since STDs tend to be higher in your group, as it were.
The main reason is that for the most part heterosexuals tend to believe they are somehow immune to any kind of STDs, specially AIDS since they think AIDS is a gay disease.
The erroneous belief that STDs know one's sexual orientation and decides to attack anything that is not he "right: sexual orientation. When in reality, a virus never actually discriminates when all it does is look for opportunity, that's what viruses do all the time.
I, personally, can say the above is true because in my talks regarding STDs and safe sex, the group that has the least knowledge about safe sex and STD prevention are heterosexuals.
I can also say that heterosexuals are also the group most vulnerable because since they are not allowed to have sex education as comprehensive as it should be in school, their risk grows by a tenfold.
Until the educational system in this country gets the fact that sex education actually prevents STDs not cause them, things will not change much. Let us remember that for every public sexual scandal involving the birth of a child carries the implication that sexual safety was not applied and the potential for STDs is there, as well.
And lastly, I have consulted with sex workers (testing them for STDS) and they all agree that their johns will pay more for not wearing a condom and most frightening these men will also seek transgender women or men to also have unsafe sex with them.
In the latter group, transgender women and men almost always refuse to have sex without protection and lose many customers that way, at times when this fact is disclosed, violence ensues.
But I digress, how does one know? Well there are ways to know:
1) Asking ahead of time about sexual history can help. Sure, it is not romantic but neither are STDs. If the person refuses to disclose move on. True some of us are sexually repressed and speaking about sex gets uncomfortable but in this instance, you have every right to ask for a sexual history for your own safety. When I ask for one, I get the "why? I am safe." I say, "Not so fast, I need to know where you've been because when it's all said and done, I'll be having sex with everyone you've had had sex with. Such an orgy would be more welcomed if I knew you had done it responsibly." That usually gets the point.
2) If you suspect of someone having been unsafe, you owe it to yourself to get yourself tested for STDs at your nearest Planned Parenthood if you don't have insurance.
3) You can get vaccinated against certain STDs just in case but you need to consult your doctor as to the necessity of these vaccines.
4) While condoms do not offer as much protection as abstinence would, they do offer some degree of protection. Also dental dams for women during oral sex can be very useful specially when your partner may have a cold sore.
In closing, perhaps a crash course on STDs offered by someone at Planned Parenthood may assist you in the maze that is sexual safety.
Hope this helps,
Wolf
From someone who has been celibate for a decade or more, I can safely say that I've had my share of dubious looks when I tell them, specially from women who seem to think all men are horn dogs.
However, I just come out and tell them my sexual history ends in 1998, whether they take me seriously or not, it's none of my concern quite frankly. And if they laugh at me, I simply say, "next!" and get up and leave without a trace of remorse.
Wolf