EEK...I would say back pedal. I'm not a virgin but recently decided (along with the guy I'm currently dating) to be more Christ-like and abstain sex until marriage. You shouldnt speed up the marriage because you want to have sex. Also you should avoid putting yourself in this situation, alone with your boyfriend, a little too comfortable...that will prevent you from being in this position again. For instance, my guy and I only go as far as making out and if something (like him kissing my neck) gets a little too intense I tell him to back off so we don't slip from our plan. And no..your not a virgin anymore. And no...its not abnormal for there to be sharp pain.

You can always make the decision to wait until marriage, even though you have already had sex. However, the more intimate that you have been with your fiance, the more difficult it becomes to put on the brakes and say no in the future. I would encourage you to have a long talk with your fiance about what you both want regarding sex and intimacy in the future.

Yes, it is typical for a virgin to hurt during the first time. If you had intercourse, then you are no longer a virgin. However, it is never too late to decide to wait.

Spirit,

I've tried to write this message a couple of times, but can't seem to make it kind, as the truth is not kind in this situation. Dealing with sin is never easy nor pretty.

I can assure you that God is there to pick you up and set you back on the right track. You need to spend some time with God in confession and repentance. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." ~ 1 John 1:9.

You need to agree with God that what you've done is wrong and you need to turn from it. Prayerfully seek his forgiveness, direction and guidance. I find reading Psalm 51 very helpful in healing.

Most people find it hard to back peddle at this point. It is one of those lines that is difficult to return to once it has been crossed. To that point, 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 says, "To the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than burn with passion."

If you can truly repent, turn from the sin and go back to the way it was before, more power to you. If you cannot, the best advice is to elope.

I was in this position a few short months ago. I know what you're going through. I didn't like hearing the council that I was given (which is what I've told you), but it was the truth of God and it did work.

I hope this helps. I did try to be kind.

Hi guys,

thanks for your responses and for trying to understand.
I have been a Christian my entire life, and even work for pro life. I have read endless books on chastity and what not; and finally where I am in life can see how sleeping with someone you love and are intimate with on so many levels can happen very easily and can be extremely natural.
The place for this though is marriage I'll agree.. because marriage makes it 'safe' and risk free in so many ways.
I realise I had a choice to get out of there when it first popped in my head, and that love is very enticing as is sin.
However sex, being something 'sinful' in one context and completely utterly 'pure and natural' in another.. makes it one of those things that aren't black and white I realise.

Intimacy builds on other levels - emotional/mental/relational/physical .... and I guess the sooner we marry the better and in the mean- time I'm going to try and avoid situations that promote leading down the track to sex.
That being said, I see now how much sex is acceptable in marriage and that I don't have to feel guilty about it because this is something I'm learning..
sometimes we slip from our plan, sometimes it's more difficult - but thanks, it's never to late to decide to wait...
and if i'm burning with passion from all ends then I intend to marry this man.

keep your thoughts coming people. Experience makes us who we are right.

I haven't been there but I want you to know don't just rush into marriage for the sake of sex. It has to be more. Ask yourself - what does marriage mean to you? define it and see what an ideal marriage is for you and ask him as well. I hear that when you first have sex, it's going to hurt a little. Having someone penetrate into you and "open you up", shall I say - will have some type of burning or stinging effect. I think once you start having sex you are no longer a virgin. I also think what you were saying about using protection is more pre- marital sex. If you are having safe sex it is also pre - marital. But like I said, don't rush, you do not want to regret anything. Also If you were to wait to have sex it would be very special for the both of you on your wedding night as husband and wife. Let him uunderstand what you are trying to do and why you want to wait. It's important that you both agree on what you want to let him know how you feel.