Hi Jezreel, Congratulations on getting married soon! I am really glad you found a wonderful guy to settle down with. Once you start having sex, I know that its so hard to stop. I don’t know how much time you have till your wedding, but would you be able to have an accountability partner that could help you stay accountable? If not, could you and your fiancé not put yourself in situations that would cause you to have sex? (Like not being home alone together or anyplace that you could have sex) I know its easier said then done, but if you are serious about refraining until your wedding night, could you somehow put safeguards in place? I am a Christian as well, and I have always been taught that masturbation is wrong and i’ve walked down that road of shame and guilt. Are you watching porn or reading marterial to get you sexually aroused? Or it more of a sexual release? I think there is a huge difference. God made us sexual beings, and sex ulimately brings God glory. Maybe identifying why it makes you feel guilty might help? Maybe even praying about it, and asking the Lord for wisdom and answers. You will get through this. I will be praying for you! I wish you the best for your upcoming wedding and your future.

Hi, Thank you for responding to my post, it means a lot to me.

We plan to get married next year although the court wedding might be sooner, we are still ironing out the details.

I thought about an accountability partner but I don't know anyone else that I feel comfortable sharing this with apart from my fiance. Is it possible to get an accountability partner on this platform?

We leave in different countries, I live alone so it's a little more difficult to not be alone together when he comes to visit. He lives in an apartment with 2 other guys so its easier to abstain when I go visit (sometimes we get creative though).
Can you please give me examples of some of these safeguards? Or if you can suggest a good book that illustrates this perfectly, that'll help a lot.

Sometimes I watch porn but sometimes it's just my thoughts that cause the arousal. I have noticed that there are particular days in my cycle when I'm a little more easily aroused. I struggle with insomnia from time to time and sometimes I just masturbate so I can fall asleep afterward.

I think it makes me feel guilty because when I slip I feel weak like I cannot overcome this particular temptation.
I have prayed about it and will continue to pray about it. My fiance and I pray about it together as well.

I'm scared that God gave me an amazing gift of a wonderful man and I might ruin it with lack of self-control.
I really do appreciate your prayers and I appreciate the fact that you took time out to respond to my post, it is very encouraging.

Hi, I am so sorry that it has taken some time for me to get back to you. I hope you don’t mind, but I have praying how to respond, and asked one of my wise friend for advice, this is what we came up with.
Daily Strength does not have a way to have an accountability partner, but there is a website https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp They have someone that you could chat with and they have resources to help you with everything you have shared on this post. What’s awesome is that you can actually chat with them via email! I know they would be 10x wiser then me on these issues.

I can imagine how much harder it must be that you are in two different countries. I think for safeguards, if you feel like the temptation is arising, calling friends and go out. Not doing anything to build up that desire helps too. I think also committing to honoring each other until your wedding night helps. That always helped me stay focused that I didn’t want to dishonor my now husband. Does any of those help? I don’t know any good books that might help, but maybe even emailing the counselor on the website I suggested, they might have better suggestions.

I did find a website about the masturbation, and a fabulous question and answer that they had. http://www.boundless.org/advice/2011/how-do-i-as-a-woman-overcome-the-temptation-to-masturbate

Ultimately through everything God is big and he is a God of forgiveness. He will forgive you and your fiancée for any and all mistakes you both have made. I am praying for you both, and I will be here to help if you have any more questions. I am still praying for you both.

Hi,

I really appreciate you getting back to me no matter how long it takes, In a strange way, waiting for your reply helped keep me focused, knowing that you were praying for us also made me feel a little stronger; something that I have not felt in a long time, so thank you for this, it means so much to me.

I have made a note of the website that you suggested and I'll definitely check it out, I believe that having an accountability partner would go a long way in helping me with my struggle by God's grace. The thing you said about committing to honoring ourselves, my fiance and I would keep that in mind going forward. Thank you for going the extra mile and asking someone for counsel on my behalf.

I will also check out the website about masturbation and I'm trusting God that all of this would be productive and effective. I'm also praying for discipline to follow through.

I just want you to know that you have been very helpful and even though I don't know you personally, you have blessed me in a way that I will never forget, thank you so much.