Hi all,
I've shared this post in a few other forums. I thought maybe some of you would be able to help me here. I'm looking for as much advice and support as I can get. I've been severely depressed and of course have done impulsive things like going out with the wrong people/sleeping with a few people, binge eating and such. Ive reached a point where everything has reversed and I feel as though I am shutting down. I am in so much emotional pain that I dont want to see anyone. I dont want to think of sex or dating or anything.....I hope you can look at my story and give me some advice. Thanks so much.

I got out of a two month relationship in January. It was extremely intense....he had a lot of baggage..a four year old kid, an ex wife, went to rehab after his divorce, he smoked and drank constantly and had anger issues. I accepted him anyway and fell in love with him the moment I talked to him. A month in I confessed my love for him and he said it back, and then continued to say it to me without me instigating it. He then started talking about me moving in, meeting his child, his entire family, and told me he wanted to marry me. Things crashed and burned quickly. I got too attached and he tossed me aside one day telling me he couldn't handle it, he never loved me or meant any of the things he said to me and tried to convince me I was insane, especially for telling someone I loved them after a month. He completely broke my heart.
two months later he slept with me....and then never spoke to me again. When I tried to contact him and win him back, apologizing for everything, telling him how I had changed, he ignored my texts and I later found out he told his friends to go date me so that I never tried to bother him again.


My relationship ended in January but I have been a mess over it ever since. Every day it haunts me and I am in so much pain. Everyone I have dated since I have compared to him, I have cried almost every day...and these last few days have been especially hard. I haven't gotten out of bed at all for two days and have been binge eating. I feel like all of the life has been sucked out of me. I have no trust in anyone and feel completely disillusioned by love. I believed this man was perfect, my soul mate, and that we had this intense passion that couldn't be touched by anyone. He hurt me so much in the way he threw me away and made me feel like I destroyed our entire relationship....i don't know what to do anymore. I wish this pain could just go away. I wish I never met him.....

Since the end of my relationship I have slept with a few people....hoping that laying in someone elses arms would bring me the comfort I was so intensely craving. Unfortunately, it only made me think of him, and I have decided to be completely abstinent until I find someone who will tug at my heartstrings again.
I feel so hopelessly lost right now. I want to deeply connect on a physical level and feel close to someone but I know that at this stage in my life it wont happen.
I made the mistake of sleeping with my ex on our first date (after a few weeks of video chatting), because I fell for him so hard.
I think I need to realize that sleeping with someone right away is a BIG MISTAKE. I need to stop tying in sexuality with love and step away from it all.
I'm in a lot of pain right now and just shutting down in every way. I don't want to sleep around, I dont want to date. I just want to be alone. I just dont know how to get over what Ive been through.