Abstinence & Celibacy Support Group
The pressures of sex from peers, the media and culture can be overwhelming, but you are in total control of your body and celibacy is a choice that many are making. Find sanctuary with people who are choosing to abstain without fear of judgment.
I am new here and I need as much support as I can get. I was sexually abused when I was younger and as a result I felt like I was no longer pure. I was raised in a Christian home so I have felt guilt and shame for years. This feeling of worthlessness led me to have sex with 22 men by the time I was 22. Each time I tried to start over and be celibate, it was a constant reminder that I am a disgusting and nasty person who will never be pure again so why even try? (thus the reason I have been with so many men). Sex is no longer enjoyable. It is only something I engage in because I honestly don't think I am worth more. Can someone please tell me how can I put these 22 men behind me and start over for good.
One way you can start anew is by going to therapy to address the abuse and deal with the issues that surrounds it. That is extremely important that you do this, as soon as you can.
One thing I can tell you from experience is that abusers tell you how worthless you are and other lies so they'll be able to wear down your self esteem so that they can control you better. Abusers know better than to try and exploit someone with a healthy self esteem because they'll get nowhere fast.
So now that you know that whatever you have been told about yourself are lies, you can start seeing yourself differently, as someone whom God has never stop loving, someone God is very proud of, so forgive yourself because what happened had nothing to do with who you are or behave but every thing to do with the cowards who have abused your either verbally or physically.
It never ceases to amaze me how certain religious parents twist the scriptures to control their children and ends up harming their children instead of helping. So what I am saying is this, you can learn Christian anew by erasing whatever twisted notion of who God is and make your own conclusions about it, in your own terms.
As for purity, let me tell you purity is a term that gets tosses around like a football but very few know it, what I am saying is this, purity is not physical thing, it's in the heart, so if your intentions are noble and come from a good place, you are fine.
Now for the main issue of my post. While it is true that you have behaved in questionable ways through no fault of your own, it does NOT make you a bad person. Let me repeat that, it does NOT make you a bad person, so again stop indulging the enemy, as they say, and stop yourself from referring to yourself in any negative light. Keep in mind that every time, you say anything negative about yourself, you are allowing those who abuse you to win.
While it is healthy to express your feelings, they need to be expressed differently because every word you say, has a huge impact in your life, so you can say: "I feel ugly, unworthy, dirty, awful, etc." but you cannot say, "I am ugly, unworthy, etc." because saying that will eventually lead you back to where you are right now.
Proverbs says it well: "As man thinketh in his heart so he shall be." What that means is that you get what you think about, what you think about, shall become your reality. Thoughts are energy, that's why Jesus said,"I am the truth, the life..." because he was trying to show us that whatever we say after "I am..." has got to be positive otherwise our lives will be very crappy, to say the least.
So in short, get therapy, regain your self esteem, stop uttering and believing the lies that you've been told about you, become celibate so you can learn to make better decision and get to know yourself better, trust that God will help you every step of the way and that he's never left you even though it feels otherwise.
Hope this helps,
Wolf
There are many women (I know) were like that and than they were able to get married to one man and have perfect family and children, became good wives and nobody would even figure out by looking at them that they were ever different. I know that (because I knew them closely) but other people do not have a clue. They made happy their husbands and even do not cheat because they had enough of it earlier in life. On the other hand I cheat so I think that may be their way was more correct than mine. I was virgin till 24 but life changes everything.