Abandonment Community Group
At one time or annother, we are all faced with the pain of abandonment. Whether the person(s) who walked out on you was a parent, partner or friend, it hurts. This is a place of friendship and support.
Hi Everyone,
I thought I'd introduce myself and maybe talk about how I feel right now.
My partner and I slit last night - she ended things and so right now I feel completely down.
The reason I sought out this group is because this isn't the first time I think I've created a situation where I end up abandoned. I lost my Mother when I was 16 to cancer and the family environment before that was not what you'd call nurturing. I've struggled with confidence issues all my life and when I'm in a relationship I regularly feel like it's going to end any minute. This has impacted me badly in my last 2 major relationships with a bout of depression and time off work when I'd ruminate the whole time about trying to 'fix' myself and be the confident person I feel I need to be to be in a relationship. Needless to say after splitting with my partner I'm feeling mostly bad about my inability to cope with a relationship and be a man for a woman. I understand what's necessary and I've tried incredibly hard to understand what needs to be done - I've just read journey from abandonment to healing and it's very helpful and insightful. The place I know I'm stuck is the point of self reproach - I know what it's like to be confident in a relationship - just only sparingly - feeling independent and not needy - what I find very difficult is feeling at the mercy of the insecurity that has ultimately ended 2 promising relationships. I know right now all I can think is things are at an end - I'm not suicidal but there is an all encompassing sense of finality to my life lacking any strength to do anything about it and knowing that the curse of low self esteem and the anxiety I feel in a relationship is waiting for the next opportunity to kick in and torpedo a relationship. I've read about bilding a new life and I intend to take action to do that - I guess right now I don't feel the strength to think about that - and I'm overwhelmed by what could have been and mostly remorse that I caused this - I guess I'm angry at what feels like a disability and feel like it's an injustice that I should have to go through life struglling with this 'complex'.
I can see how negative what I'm saying sounds - but one thing I'm starting to appreciate is that I don't give my feelings any credit so I make no apology for expressing them here - they're real and whilst they're not ones I'd choose I believe acknowledging them and accepting them is possibly a way to grow towards building a life I need and desire.
Right now though I just feel terrible that I've ruined a relationship - I miss my partner terribly and can only feel love for her as she was upset by this too - I just couldn't give her what she wanted which was a confident self and that hurts like I can't describe.
Thankyou for listening.
Howard.
I thought I'd introduce myself and maybe talk about how I feel right now.
My partner and I slit last night - she ended things and so right now I feel completely down.
The reason I sought out this group is because this isn't the first time I think I've created a situation where I end up abandoned. I lost my Mother when I was 16 to cancer and the family environment before that was not what you'd call nurturing. I've struggled with confidence issues all my life and when I'm in a relationship I regularly feel like it's going to end any minute. This has impacted me badly in my last 2 major relationships with a bout of depression and time off work when I'd ruminate the whole time about trying to 'fix' myself and be the confident person I feel I need to be to be in a relationship. Needless to say after splitting with my partner I'm feeling mostly bad about my inability to cope with a relationship and be a man for a woman. I understand what's necessary and I've tried incredibly hard to understand what needs to be done - I've just read journey from abandonment to healing and it's very helpful and insightful. The place I know I'm stuck is the point of self reproach - I know what it's like to be confident in a relationship - just only sparingly - feeling independent and not needy - what I find very difficult is feeling at the mercy of the insecurity that has ultimately ended 2 promising relationships. I know right now all I can think is things are at an end - I'm not suicidal but there is an all encompassing sense of finality to my life lacking any strength to do anything about it and knowing that the curse of low self esteem and the anxiety I feel in a relationship is waiting for the next opportunity to kick in and torpedo a relationship. I've read about bilding a new life and I intend to take action to do that - I guess right now I don't feel the strength to think about that - and I'm overwhelmed by what could have been and mostly remorse that I caused this - I guess I'm angry at what feels like a disability and feel like it's an injustice that I should have to go through life struglling with this 'complex'.
I can see how negative what I'm saying sounds - but one thing I'm starting to appreciate is that I don't give my feelings any credit so I make no apology for expressing them here - they're real and whilst they're not ones I'd choose I believe acknowledging them and accepting them is possibly a way to grow towards building a life I need and desire.
Right now though I just feel terrible that I've ruined a relationship - I miss my partner terribly and can only feel love for her as she was upset by this too - I just couldn't give her what she wanted which was a confident self and that hurts like I can't describe.
Thankyou for listening.
Howard.
deleted_user
Welcome Howard, I am sorry for the reasons for meeting you but I look forward to knowing you better. My name is Michelle and I am the Founder of this group. You sound like a very thoughtful giving person who puts the needs of others above your own. I am so sorry to hear about your split, but maybe this can be the motivation for you to do some much needed soul searching. What do you want out of life? What are you willing to do to get it? I am proud of you for reaching out, what a great first step! What I want you to remember is we all have flaws, we all have darkness and we all have pasts. We also all have a future. What you do and how you feel, those are things that you can decide, you can control. I think that you are so much stronger than you know, and I hope that you decide that you are worth saving. No one can decide how you feel about yourself but YOU, no one can decide that you deserve to be happy but YOU. Please try to let the past stay where it belongs, you will never be able to forget, and you shouldnt. Everything that happens makes up who we are, good, bad, ugly or sad. But we cant let it decide our futures, leave that decision for yourself. I hope that you will message me if you ever feel like talking, I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. Take care Howard.
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