gjm, the impulse to drink has been removed for me. However, if I am not working my programme properly (l admit, grudgingly..heh heh..I am not perfect) and I have a fleeting "blind spot" Step 1 is back in full force "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." It works!

gail, the craving has been lifted but because i have been taught i had a thinking problem way before the drink and pill problem. the book tells me the alcohol is only a symptom of my disease.

Good point about describing it as a thinking problem - I think that is what I am trying to convey when I say "blind spot".

I am working on my fourth step righ now, need to make a resentment list so I can feel better about it. It was tough the first time and it is still tough today. I still get the urges to want to drink how do i take the impulse of drinink away from me?

I try to work 10, 11 & 12 to the best of my ability........ but never forgetting #1

Hi Kb, only seems to be me around at the moment so I will just give you a few ideas about how I got through it. I found Step 4 really hard, it was all there in my head but commiting it to paper felt like stripping off naked in the middle of the steet. I set aside a day to do it. I checked I was feeling okay by praying for courage and thoroughness, I phoned my sponsor and asked her to tell me again how important it was to withhold nothing. I checked I was comfortable, was not hungry, took the phone off the hook, had a snack and something (non alcoholic, of course) to hand. I prayed again. Then I set to it as guided by my sponsor and the way it is suggested in the Big Book. I promised myself that if I started to feel really awful I would take a break and call my sponsor or another AA friend who had done Step 4 and not let myself get too isolated with my feelings. After the first few lines I got into flow and did it all. Every time I paused I took time to reflect that I was willing to go to any lengths, I especially needed this when it got to the "take it to the grave" stuff. What spurred me on as well was the belief that half measures avail us nothing and I was so commited to getting well that I just did it. I also thought silly thoughts like "it's only important to me because this is what I did" and "none of it is a hanging offence". We just have to dive in I suppose. If we spend too long thinking about it we put our thinking in a dangerous place. I phoned my sponsor again as soon as I had done it to seal the commitment. I wish you all the best with yours.

Thanks gailly for sharing that..... i have put it off and put if off..... and find not one excuse (not that any are) suitable to me to keep doing so....... i will choose the day and do like you did..... i have studied and listened enough to know how to do it.......... damn hard just doing it....... thanks

I just met with my sponsor on Friday and we went through step 12. Wow. She has taken me through all 12 steps. I am amazed.
Of course this means work them all, but yes step 1 is the one I must have down, without reservations, all day every day.
And the beat goes on with the rest...I just made a date to do an amends with my sister.....

I don't really think of the steps in this way anymore.
When I first got sober, I felt as if I had to drga the programme into my life because it was so far outside of how I was living and feeling. I would think about the steps in relation to almost everything, so scared was I that I would drink again.

These days and for several years now, I feel as if the programme is embedded in me, like a stick of rock that has BLACKPOOL ROCK all through it. It's part of how I live my life, by practising the principles in all my affairs. I mostly realise when there's something not quite right. It doesn't mean that I can just breeze along doing as I please but it does mean that I don't have to think about whether for example, I am going to be honest, I just am, that is how the power that I found in recovery manifests.

Talking of steps etc, I always see a lot of stuff being talked about on step 4, it's the one that gets people scared as hell, it's often the most painful for many people although that is not my own experience, but I would like to say this: If you are doing the 4th step according to the instructions in the Big Book, you will have a sheet with 4 columns. Read carefully the instructions and you will see that 'we listed our resentments' it doesn't tell us to do any more than that at the moment. It indicates to me that we should work down the columns rather than across the page. What this does is that it stops us from working through each resentment from start to finish, which can be very painful for us and bring all of our feelings back up. If you work DOWN the column, you will list all the people, institutions and principles with whom you are angry, then you will work down the list stating the reason you are angry and so on. I have found this really helpful when working with people on their Step 4, it helps keep the feelings where they should be so that the job can get done. We only work across the page when we do step 5. I have also found that it is easier for people to see their patterns of relating/responding to life.

If you want a sample of the sheet I use with my sponsees, pm me with your email address and I will send it to you. I'm not sure I have actually made myself very clear here (I know what I mean LOL)

For me today is the 10th step. I was out of line on a business deal and after I did what I did, went back and told the person I was wrong. Usually with this step my gut tells me if something needs to be address, never failed me yet.

I was told to read the Big Book before starting the steps. I am anxious to start, but am trying to be patient. I was at a Step meeting on Friday and it was about Step 3. The only requirement for joining AA is the desire to quit drinking. Well, I have the desire, but I suppose I need to go back to 1 and 2 huh?

Kate what was discussed Friday at your was the 3rd tradition, " The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to sop drinking " Don't be embarrassed we all did things like that early on. If I was you I would be at the 1st step. It is suggested you read the book before starting except the 1st which is key and the only one you have to 100% to achieve recovery.
Remember the steps was put in order for a reason.

Oh!!! Ok...3rd Tradition then! Thank you Gim. I'm certainly not embarrassed. You said that before about the 100%. What exactly are the 12 steps, no what is the 1st step? Admitting that I'm powerless to alcohol? I'm sorry, I just haven't had enough meetings, research etc. This was a sudden decision after I drank everything and anything I could get my hands on and finally pretty much passed out. I blacked out that last night.

Ok get the book and read the 1st 164 pgs. it goes into detail on all the steps. i found starting out bill"s story goes into the 12 steps how he did and made sense to me early on now that was just me. I usually tell people to read the dr. opinion 1st but you sound pretty convinced your one of us.

I'm pretty convinced. Just from listening to the other people at the meetings, my family history, and finally feeling it in myself. That was 6 mos. ago when I realized I had a real problem and couldn't stop. I couldn't even cut down. But, I will read. Thanks for the information. I am reading the doctor's opinion right now.