Look at Japan Now

I grew up in a very dysfunctional family system, as some of you know. 'Failure' was not a part of our vocabulary because it was seen as something shameful. We would rather die then admit that we were failing at something...and of course, if you can't admit you're losing the battle, you can't surrender and start over. So, both my parents, my siblings and myself have struggled to stay in failing marriages, work situations and friendships because we didn't know how to let go with dignity. We revelled in our addictions, even as they were killing us.

You know, the more my family struggled to maintain the illusion of their functionality, the sicker they got. There were some horrific abuses committed in this pursuit. People died because they couldn't get honest and take the steps they needed to to be free.

I am the only member of my family who has found sobriety. My dad and brother both succumbed to their addictions.

Letting go of everything I knew and trusted...that had been taught to me in that dysfunctional family system...was terrifying for me. I was terrified there would be nothing left if I let it all go...but what I got back was a hundredfold of what I gave away.

Even though I intellectually understand the nature of addiction, I am still amazed at how enslaved I was to the bottle when I was actively feeding my alcoholism. At times when I look back, it's like looking at a stranger.

When I was on that sinking ship with my family, I clung on so tight to the railings as the water came over the deck and pulled it under. I didn't want to let go of the only life I knew...but I did. I let go. I surrendered to the insanity of my life, and instead of being pulled under, I shot up to the surface and to freedom. I have peace of mind now. I have a life worth living, even though it is less than perfect. I don't care. I'm sober and content and there is love in my life. I didn't achieve this when I was living in the dysfunction and demanding it. I only received it when I surrendered that life and opened myself up to whatever might come my way.

Karma or "backwards law", I don't know. There is truth in both, I guess.