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m8bear 12/22/2008

Does anyone else suffer from not wanting to stay after meetings for fear of not having anyone to talk to? I know I hear that the before and after of the meeting can be the best bits....how long does that take?

Tonight was my home groups Christmas party, I lasted 10 minutes before I left due to feeling like 'Kate no mates'. I was always told it is rude to butt into other peoples conversations, is that really what I have to do? I feel bad if I 'hover' around people. I am finding learning the etiquette of AA a bit hard to grasp. I have been going for 9 months now! Growl.

How do you get over it? Is it a case of 'time is a healer'?

m8bear 01/04/2009

I am interested to know?

Do females really shake hands in AA? This always seems such a bloke thing to do?

deleted_user 01/04/2009

Do you wash up, or make the tea that always helps to get chatting?

m8bear 01/04/2009

H, I used to meet and greet to try to help me with this. Now I have changed position to literature secretary.

In reality, I just need to get over my self centredness and get with AA and start reaching out more as you all have said.

deleted_user 01/04/2009

I dont see it as self centred K, its just you being who you are at the moment. Get your hands in the sink and scream for help if nobody volunteers!

deleted_user 01/05/2009

i found it awkward at first to socialize after the mtgs, now i thrive on it. these are my friends and my second family. my group goes out to dinner twice week and i make SURE to go each time. great way to meet newcomers and stay in touch with those in the group. there are still times when i walk up to a discussion already in process and i feel i'd be butting in so i stand on the outside of the mini-circle until there's a break then i stick out my hand...a little awkward sometimes but who cares right? what am i going to hurt? sometimes i gotta get a little uncomfortable to get a little better. but i love the "meetings after the meetings" as i call them now. its a great way for me to see others practicing these principals in all their affairs. and after all, we're not a glum lot. we truely have fun when we go out to eat.

time takes time!

michael, from www.TalkAboutSobriety.com

deleted_user 01/05/2009

NINE MONTHS WHY AREN'T AA PEOPLE ENCOURAGEING YOU IS MY QUESTION? I BELIEVE IN TELLING ANY NEW MEMBER YOU ARE DOING WELL .In my group there is always someone asking how are you doing, we want to see people getting well NOT GOING BACK OUT. keep going stay sober you are doiNg GREAT IN MY EYES .GAZZA

m8bear 01/05/2009

I so understand where you are coming from Micheal.

I gave a xmas card to a guy that helps me and in it I wrote 'thanks for taking the time to talk to me' - guess what, he now talks more! Maybe I should have used that approach with all the people that say nothing haha

I am opening up to new meetings so will see what happens.

Awww Gazza....thanks (smiles shyly)

deleted_user 01/05/2009

i feel like this too kate, i usually go early as its easier to talk before than after a meeting, if i get there really early{opening up time} the person whos setting up meeting talks to me.

if i stay after i think my rejection gene! scares them ,and i end up not being spoken to by anyone and too scared to interupt others.

i usually leave before meeting comes to a close it works better, i dont feel so bad.
the break usually consists of awkwardness too, i hate the break.

deleted_user 01/05/2009

cant share either.
Too nervous to jump in and there is never a long enough pause{more than couple of seconds},
and at the end when they ask if anyone wants to share in last couple of minutes i nearly do,
but someone who has already shared jumps back in before i get chance to say anything,
i think everyone thinks im drunk still , and i not had a drink in 13 months.

m8bear 01/05/2009

Well Alice, we dont get breaks in our meetings (would hate that). I think you need what I have....a service position. I am literature secretary now and that (ironically) seems to get me chatting to more people then when I was 'meeter greeter'. Doing service also gets me to meetings (especially when I dont want to go) and it is only by being at them that I will get anywhere with this.

I have new eyes in AA and now, through all your words here, I know what I need to do so thanks all :) I shall get talking and not be so worried about interrupting...go bear go growlllllll haha

deleted_user 01/07/2009

Hey Alice, I understand how that feels when you just about psych yourself up to say 'my name ... and thne someone else gets there before you. Check out some other meetings in your area and see if they share around the room, that's how I began. This old geezer told me to do it he said 'when it gets round to you, it's your time - you can say pass if you want but what's the point in that. Just start slowly introduce yourself and then say how you feel today and then shut up - as you go along it will naturally expand!

Try staying to the end of a meeting too! It's sort of incomplete without an official ending - it'll make you feel like a visitor instead of a member. When you go early, do you help out getting the place ready?? This is all service that you can do no matter how long you have been sober or how many steps you have done!

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