You can't shield the Alcoholic on any front(IF) in so doing ....you become a pawn in a scrappy game of chess!! Earlly soobrierytee can be like a tuning fork...It was for me!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=127YLtdSHJ0

Hi Nicky, when I was new around I had a few "but why did nobody tell me that?" moments where I wished I had more direct experience shared with me. I didn't know what I didn't know!

I remember that when around newcomers today, so if I am with one at a meeting where there is a problem or it is a bit depressing without much message of recovery, I share some experience about the kind of meetings that helped me, the upbeat ones carrying the message about the programme and what we did and do to stay well. I had to learn that the fellowship is not the programme, just as one example. I also try to explain that although meetings follow a basic format, what is shared in them is as varied as people themselves.

Step 12, to me, is specific - "this message" - i.e. how the illness of alcoholism affected me, what I did to get well, how I stay well through the Steps, reliance on a Power greater than myself, living by spiritual principles and seeking spiritual growth inside and outside AA. Working with others, as you do, keeps me grounded in the basic necessities of what AA has to offer the newcomer.

Thanks for your discussion post.

Giday to you sis, spoke to my sponsor some time ago and they reminded me that not all meeting are for me. My sponsor suggested maybe someone in that meeting needed to hear the message a certain way and their HP has done this so they hear it. Maybe the other person needed the 1 hour 15 to hear how bad others were for them to want to get sober.

Just a thought, G8

Oh and if the newcommer wants to hear the message they will hear it.

Also if it was for someone else to hear the message then it would be a brilliant meeting

G8

Personally, as a somewhat still newcomer at almost one year of sobriety, I have had to figure out a ton of stuff on my own. The important things for me to know got delivered in one way or another, and as a newcomer I figured it out that if I wanted to know something all I had to do was ask. Asking can be hard, especially for those of us who are shy or too angry or whatever. Still, I think it was more valuable for me to recognize that in aa, like in life, I would have to learn certain things for myself, or else ask a question!

Thanks for replies. Gr8ful I agree that the message is sometimes carried in different ways but this was honestly devoid of message. For example the chair spent a good 10 minutes outlining her family tree, telling us how many brothers and sisters her grandparents/parents had and various bits of information about them. There was not a single thing in the whole chair about alcoholism or recovery from it. And the sharing followed on from that. In 75 minutes of sharing the only thing said related to recovery was "just don't drink and go to meetings" which imo is bullsh*t anyway. What was sad is that the people sharing were long term sober, the chair for example 19years, and they had nothing to give or were choosing not to give it. It really isn't possible for me to convey how awful it was.

Oh the chair was 19 years sober I hear Yah! I;ve never tried to fit in AA as far as the Step work ,my therapy and the process of recovery goes...I was a parrot early on and even though I stayed sober and had a sponsor and had taken the steps out of the book .....being a stepford husband type recovery was boring and dangerous For Me!! My friend Ruth went on and on on for about her first six months about how she about accidentally killed her parakeet , as some how it was in the washing machine and she did laundry:(( People really do get a funny idea about what a disgustion meetin is about:( Lack of good sponsorship or meeting's being very unstructured is the total opposite of how I got sobarr.
Billy

Yeah, stepford wife/husband recovery is equally un appealing to me. That is the other extreme of recovery in an awful lot of meetings in my area. No personality just parrots quoting pages from the big book and telling other people what to do. I am finding it very hard to find meetings at the moment they are either no message at all or Christian dogma being stuffed down people's throats. No balance. I don't worry so much for me but for newcomers coming in and being faced with those two options.

Nicky I learned early on that setting a tone for a meetin as the chair ;lead or even the first one to talk...is a good practice and keeps us in check about who the meetin is really for....those that have no voice and are sufferin in silence:((
Billy

We started four new meetings in our area because of some of the challenges discussed already... They started with no shortage of attendance either. But these people came to escape yelling across the table, face pulling at shares, whinging endlessly with no time limit at a captive audience, a personality walking out because of a personality walking in, people being locked into the meeting hall because they did not get out quickly enough for the key holder and a man (the same man actually) of 30 years "sober" yelling after a woman who had recently relapsed "oh look at you leaving, off to get another bottle eh?" after he had directly insulted her in his share... There's far more but I will spare you the details.

Some people never realise and are not informed that AA had no bosses, that group conscience makes the decisions and that the 12 Traditions provide a solution to most issues if taken on board. "Benign anarchy" as Bill Wilson said, he knew what being an alcoholic was all about!

Sad to hear that others are having problems too but reassuring to know that it is not just in my area. Not convinced that more meetings is the answer locally to me. We already have at least 2 local meetings a day, on some days more. And of course the whole of London to choose from so hundreds of meetings a week. Shall have to see how things pan out, if there is one thing I have learnt it is that things never stay the same!

I'm very glad I didnt have to sit through that meeting. Honestly I've been to hundreds and hundreds of AA meetings and I've always found at least a scrap of GOOD.
however, I've definetly been to meetings where I've had to sit on my hands to keep myself from grabbing my keys and running out. My sponsor reminds me that everything that is said, needs to be said even if I don't need to hear it. I remind myself of that.

I go to big book study meetings; and not to speaker meetings when I'm needing program. I go to speaker when its the fellowship I'm craving.