I also struggled with sharing in meetings. At the end of my drinking I had become isolated and insular and I needed to become a part of the world again - that meant building new beneficial beliefs, building confidence, making friends, learning love and tolerance, learning to understand others' points of view, and learning how to really listen.

I was grateful - still am - for all the meeting shares, all the conversations over coffee before and after meetings, away from meetings with other alcoholics. I learn through newcomers, long time sober people, non alcoholics the "language of the heart."

I don't find it healthy for me to isolate much either in person or in my mind, I did too much of that when I was drinking.

G8 my guide also said Coog, whenever you're asked to get up and share, do it, and I have. It did help me to understand my truth more. Another part of that journey of self-exploration that continues.

I can definitely relate to the idea of clumsily practising how to tell my story when I had no real idea what it was...I think it's Ernie Kurtz calls AA the Spirituality of Storytelling...

Reminds me of that saying..."we find ourselves in each other's stories"...that was True for me but then yeah what do I have then but a bit-part in someone else's story :)

I floundered around for a while in AA until someone showed me the script. That was useful...I remember looking for myself in the template of the Real Alcoholic and I found a lot more than I was expecting. My voice got bolder and bolder, I practiced how to speak until I thought it was pretty flawless. Then just when things were getting comfortable, I started getting sick of the sound of my own voice he he :) And more than a little paranoid that otjers were sick too...

My friend always told me I had to take it "from my head to my heart" and thhat makes sense to me. I can be as much of a big fat storyteller as the next man but I'm learning, I hope how to do that in a more authentic way.

I heard that too once - human beings are born storytellers, it's how we understand the world...we're wired up that way.

P

Oh one more thing that always makes sense to me...it's about me understanding what alcoholism is in me...I'm not here to turn into anybody else :)

P

Ditto to dat Gr8 in ACOA meetings they say almost same thing your sponsor said, but before that I just believed what I heard that applied to me Or sounded good to the chicks or the crowd in AA......my narrative became either Who I thought I needed to be or later on as step work, group dynamics, therapy, philosophical or spiritual leaning started to take hold, through actually retaining and applying what I was learning, who I had become based on a lot of bad information growing up and as practicing alkie .... and became who I might be if I took off my rain coat and let the rain wash away all the sewage I felt I had inside of me ..... Oh And Yes I knew everyone else (i thought) saw it tooo:( The height of self centered ness is a lonely place noooooooooooo
Great topic!
Billy

Oh one other thing low self esteem is a blessing to begin to build on where as a high sense of who I think I'm becoming has only congested the causeway on the way out to the clear blue Sea:)))

I pray in the moments' silence for the still suffering alcoholic that God will use me as a channel to carry the message. That way I don't get concerned about how I come across, it's not about me. I listen to the other shares, for me to learn a new way of seeing something or for others where I may be helpful when they express fears or confusion about the programme.

Being the wellest person in the room was definitely exciting for a time. Thats part of my story too :)

P

I don't know how anyone can think they are the wellest person in the room unless they have 10s of years sober - even that can be a liability - they may not very as spiritually fit as they suppose... What a conundrum !

That should read "as spiritually fit" - certainly I've had my moments of veering off track or feeling stuck in a rut but it comes good eventually if I do some self-examination and speak to my sponsor about it.

I think the turning point for me was this guy who talked really quietly about how he discovered he had been isolating himself IN AA for years and not realised. He spoke just after me, it went home for some reason. Yep, I'd been isolating me and alienating others under the guise of being a 'great example of recovery'. OK it was couched in the language of the book and the 'will of God' but there's only so long I could use that as a refuge.

I'd Done the same thing my whole life...tried to set myself apart from you him and everybody...being all "recovered" for me started to look like the same old chicken in a different basket I guess. Not so useful to me or anybody else ad I thought it was.

Lots more I could say but...I'd be getting sick of the sound of my voice :)

I agree G8, great topic thankyou.

P

Problems manifest at different times in different ways, nobody's perfect. One of the things that stuck with me from my first sponsor was "Just remember we are never as well as we think we are." Wise words.

I think that is why I believe I will always need a sponsor to talk with, as well as my friends, I need to be challenged on my thinking by those I seek guidance from.

This came to mind tonight:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBjWHfBHKos

Love the last few lines.

P

Love your post thanks for sharing that.
I try to share when I'm asked at meetings. I try not to think about what to say till called at tag meetings.
When I've chaired I've done so on the spot twice at travel meetings....it was scary but liberating and absolutely helped me. No idea if it helped anyone else there:-)
I've chaired other meetings where I've bee naked well in advance.
Either way more about the truth of my beliefs vs what really seems to have happened, is revealed. I'm slowly closing in on reality!

I've also been naked well in advance when I've been asked to chair other meetings too... I like to think it makes my shares more interesting...Lol Sticky, auto correct is hilarious sometimes!