My stranglehold of control on my life kept me in misery and bondage. I mistakenly thought I had to control everything to get what I wanted. Letting go, (absolutely terrifying), gives me what i was after all along. Even when I don't know what it is that I seek.

There's the rub - there are many people who "want what we have" but not so many who are "willing to go to any length to get it". I was like that at the beginning because I was too afraid and arrogant to let go of my old ideas so I couldnt possibly be open to any lengths.

When I am talking with my sponsees I always link "the result was nil until we let go absolutely" to the sentence a little further on that says "half measures availed us nothing". Letting go of half my ideas, putting in half the effort doesnt get me half a recovery it gets me nothing.

I got to the point of being able to do this by being shown the hopelessness of my life as I had been living it along with the hope that people gave me by sharing their experiences of recovery. That gave me the open mindedness and willingness to move forward.

Here's the rub. When new I really want "what we have". Then as a little time goes by and things become apparent. What appears to be "what we have" isn't always what it seems. There are those in the rooms that are still just as sick as they were with drink. Some, with a little confidence gained in the "fellowship" actually seem to be worse with ego.

I am very grateful for wanting what they had, but I must say, today, I want what some have, and hope that others still find their way.

Please dont get me wrong. I am very grateful for the program and all that came before me. PEACE

Which is why you need to choose a sponsor who does have what you want!

I wish that I could see that for me, A.A. was the easier softer way. Living life on my terms the hard way.

People that sober do not get it are great teachers of patience, tolerance and understanding. And they show us that we to can be restless,irritable and discontent if we choose to.

I was fear driven all my life. I was ready and I was willing so I never fought it. I felt safe in the rooms, still do, and have so many that came before and after me to show me it does work if I work it and remember the simplicity of how it works and not complicate it. My sponsor did not have a bark or bite, she showed me its a loving program and there if I wanted it.