Oh LoriS1, I'm sorry if you feel abandoned. I am so glad you are here. If you want to talk, please message me.

You know, this site usually isn't so focused on "high brow" debate. We usually are there for the newcomer, as well as the oldtimer. So, you've been heard. What can we do for you? We're here for you.

Please don't get me wrong, text is really hard to communicate with.
I love debates, I have lost a few more brain cells this last time out but I really do enjoy civil disussion on deep matters. I think it stimulates the brain and well, mine needs all it can get.
I was afraid to share how I felt, and I hope you are not being patronizing. I didn't expect an apology or extra attention. But coming into this forum it is rather "difficult" to "fit in" when you all know each other and have been talking/dicussing a long time.
I'll hang in there. Thanks bato :)

Oh sweetie, I'm not being patronizing. I remember how vulnerable I felt when I was young in sobriety. I felt like I was different and that I didn't fit in. SO, you're not alone.

I haven't been a member of this community for a long, long time. People are friendly here. There is a place for you here. And I appreciate your contributions to our discussions.

Because you've been a part of this before, you know that we like to put the needs of the newcomer first, and the last couple of days, some of us (well, me) have been absorbed in our own pursuits. So, I feel a need to reach out to you to let you know that you are important here.

I suppose that's why things ARE getting difficult for me, it's the first time I have had 3 months sober in 7 years. I was "sober" for 12 years before that. I know I am not unique, but I sure feel like it. :)
I'm not a newcomer, I'm not an oldtimer, I'm just an alcoholic and I don't even know what to look for in a sponsor.
I'm also Type A, want to do it "right".
Just confused and making mountains out of molehills. But they are my molehills. :) Where would you start? Any input?
I feel like I certainly have been through the first 3 steps and would scream if I had to write another first step. Thanks for listening.

By the time I can figure out how to express myself in an intelligent way someone already say's what I was thinking, in a way that makes more sense. Lol

You know, it's a miracle that you made it back. Most people who relapse after 7 or 8 years in don't. Their ego gets in the way. They don't want to start over, but the truth of the matter is that the secret of your future sobriety lies in revisiting that first step. Scream if you must. That scream could save your life. Surrender to the fact that you are powerless to this disease, that despite what you knew before, you still fell. Try not to intellectualize it. Just surrender. Pray. Know that it is OK to be confused and unsure. It doesn't mean that you have lost your past wisdom. When the disease quiets, that wisdom will resurface. Just remember that the first few steps aren't about wisdom, they're experiential. You need to surrender your ego at the door to find the key to open it. You are powerless over your alcoholism and your life is unmanageable. Embrace your higher power. Trust your higher power to return you to sanity. Trust the program.

You are so brave to have come back. You are going to carry a very important message for us all. Your experience, strength and hope is going to save lives...but for now, the life that needs saving most urgently is your own.

I hope you will get a sponsor right away and talk about what you're feeling with her. It is going to get better, Lori. It's OK to ask for help...and just as important...it's OK to accept it. *hug*

Just my opinion, btw. lol

Thank you bato, I respect and appreciate your input, except of course, the part about the 1st step. :)
Finding a sponsor has been a difficult task, I have made effort, but this community of AA seems to be more caught up in the exact discussions that go on here or I can't find the ladies I need.
I am going to go a bit farther out of town to look also.
I lost my license this time around so I have to ask for help. MMmmmmmm....my Higher Power has worked funny that way. Through making it back, I have been FORCED to do those things that were once suggested to me. If I want to live that is.....and today I choose to live. I never thought I would say that again.
My father was an ironworker, so pride and ego and alcohol were his life. He was a kind man, and did what he knew best, and I had him on a pedistal. Notice the word "had". He has passed on, but the pride and ego I learned made a person worth thier salt has not.
Of course I have worked on it daily, and I have worked harder than I ever had to before.
The first time I got sober, AA was practically put in the palm of my hand, this time is sooooooo much different.
I don't wish it on anyone, but as you said, sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is that I can be of help to someone someday. I am surely not unique, a miracle, but not unique.
Thank you, I will accept that hug and continue my serious search for a sponsor and stay as humble as I possibly can.

yeah why is it folks with over 5 years sober have trouble coming back to A.A. when they relaps?????

Hi Lori, this is now the best discussion on the board - easily - because this is about real experience and not just a philosophy or point of view.

I think it is impressive that you have stuck around and been prepared to get out of your comfort zone to say what is like for you and what you want help with.

I will be on stand-by to help you all I can on here and will continue to respond. Although we put up discussions occasionally asking newcomers to start their own discussions with questions or concerns about how they are finding AA and the programme, we don't get many responses. I think a lot of new AAs or returning AAs just like to read and try and pick up what they can about their current issues.

That is fine but actually participating on the board helps unseen others to come forward and say what they feel.

Catch you later Lori and a big hug from me as well.

Thank you Gail. I will keep all of this in mind.
I know, like a "real" AA meeting face to face, I need to listen, but actually, most of my problem has been NOT sharing, so maybe I just need to keep it simple for now? :)
Racy, to answer your question fully would take up too much space, and I only speak for myself and my experience. For me, the trouble was me. I knew so much about AA, faith, even had some serenity. The feeling of utter confusion as to why we pick up even the first time, is so real.
Cunning, baffling, powerful. I think the stronger your pride, the stronger the disease can take ahold.
I had made a new hell for myself, and I was afraid to leave it. Actually Racy, I never left AA physically. I continued to talk to those that would talk to me, alot of phone conversations. As far as stopping the drink, I was powerless. And I cannot describe the extent of progression I had.
I wanted to die, and attempted it more than once. Serious enough for life support twice. I was pissed when I woke up the second time.
In a nutshell, coming back was hard because I knew better, I could not forgive myself, I could not listen to counselors with less time than me, I could not just stop, climb out and come back.
No excuse, but I will tell you some people in AA do not care for us that relapse. It got to the point for me that it really wasn't a relapse, after a few years of drinking how in the hell could I call it that? And people that don't understand, (some of them), have a difficult time finding compassion for us who know better but can't get back.
Step 3 and a small handful of people who never gave up on me are the reason I am here today.
Thanks all of ya for putting up with my whining. Good night.

I hear alot in the rooms about people who have drunk and make it back and, as a newcomer, I used to hate hearing it. I would sit there and my devil would say 'see what is the point, you will relapse so just drink' then my HP would say 'listen to what they are saying, all will say they stopped believing in their HP, their program and fellowship'. Spirituality was lost and the hole in the soul came back.

Since my first meeting I have always seen hope, serenity and peace in many in AA and I never saw that in my life before, let alone feel it as I am able to today.

Lori, if you was in a meeting before me, my heart would go out to you. Compassion is something that I feel in abudance for your share. Thank you. Hug.

I did the in-out waltz with AA for five years and just kept sliding down the scale until I met a Big Book style sponsor who made me see the importance of the programme and my God/HP over the fellowship.

It took some real steeling of myself to walk back through those doors so many times, especially after two years dry (not sober) and then relapsing yet again. Going to rehab was just as cringe-making especially as we inmates were carted around in a bus with dark windows to meetings in my local area!

I know it was necessary for my eventual ego deflation, it made me work harder to seek the answer. Some people did look down on me or gaze at me with pity or even contempt but my friends in AA let me know that anyone on a spiritual path would not dream of judging me because AA people, even old-timers, don't often get it right first time and a lot do not sponsor as well as they might. Happily, the majority were only too glad and relieved to see me dust myself off and come back.

Of course people will stop working with others and rest on their laurels or just take the foot off the pedal when they are in a comfort zone. We are all fallible human beings. So what? All that matters is what we do with today to set a precedence for what is to come.

I will get off my soapbox now. Lol.

Totally agree Gail. After about 9 years I actually got too well.
What I do know is that if I did judge others before in a harsh way, it is short lived if existant at all today. There but for the Grace of God go I. OOOpppps.....another "saying". :) Yet so true. I NEVER want to forget where I came from, I really would like to get back to contributing whatever I have to contribute to this world. A bit of serenity, joy, and peace are always nice too.
Well, it's 3:00 am here so I am really going to bed now. I have a serious pain condition and it takes so very long to get going for the day (up to 3 hours, which I hear is common with RA), Another topic,anyhow, I don't like going to bed anymore. LOL I don't want to start beating a dead horse either. I appreciate all of you, and I will be here to welcome the newcomer as a fairly newcomer too. Hugs to all.

I must admit I somehow missed this thread until just now, and yes, at least partly because I was involved elsewhere. Nevertheless, there is nothing I enjoy more than trying to give a recovery prospect a safe and non-threatening opportunity to hear what we have learned about alcoholism, ourselves and permanent recovery ... and in a setting such as this, much of what I write is actually written with the person who might never post at all in mind ...

To anyone at all who might be reading here ...

Do not believe everything you hear here ...
Read the book to know who and what to at least be willing to believe ...
Stay away from people with "Don't drink!" anywhere in their "message" unless you might still need to try that for yourself ...
Send me a PM if you have a question and would like a completely confidential response or if you might want to see a specific topic or discussion posted here on the board.

What is Step One?
-- We cannot control our drinking once we start ...
-- We cannot stay sober once we stop ...
-- We cannot manage our own lives into happy and/or successful living.

What is Step Two?
-- A simple willingness to believe there is a living and loving "God" who can and will "fix" us so we never ever have to drink again.

What is Step Three?
-- A decision to let Him do that by reconciling our lives and transforming our minds ... or to say that more simply:
Step Three is a decision to take Steps Four through Nine, and there is where we "clean house" and learn a new manner of living and acting in the world around us.

After all of that, and yes, there is some real "work" to be done there, Step Ten is simply a daily practice of the principles learned in Steps Four through Nine ...

... then we add Step Eleven to the mix to make Step Ten less necessary (just like Ten did for Four through Nine) ...

... then we arrive at Step Twelve where we simply "do it all" one day at a time and try to help the next alcoholic along ...

... and that is where we find ourselves right back at Step One and doing all of that all over again, but this time for the sake of someone else.

Do not be fooled by the philosophical or religious bullshit you can hear either here or anywhere else. Just let a permanently-recovered alcoholic show you how he or she did what it takes to become that way, then do the same and join us on "the Road to Happy Destiny!" (page 164)