A long time ago, when I was newly in my cups, I was compelled to take Antabuse pills by my parents on the threat that I would have no home if I refused. I would make a great display of taking the pills. Like you, I was a frequent visitor to the toilet bowl but made sure I lost the pill pretty quick so I could drink again. Subsequent to my drinking I would again be a frequent visitor to the toilet bowl...

That is also insanity!

Thanks for the reminder.

I always had a picture in my head of what a real alcoholic/addict was: I had friends in college who would drink till they toasted the porclean god and then went back to drinking again.... that was a real alcoholic I thought. Guess what that is what I did when I hit my bottom!!!!

Katie

My sponsor tells me that insanity is:doing the same things in the same way over and over again yet expecting different results!

Insanity for me was thinking I could have one drink and then always wondering why I ended up pissed!

Insanity for me was thinking I could control my drinking.

Insanity was my life.

How different things are today :)

For me, insanity also included getting so drunk I very occasionally even spilled some. I needed every drink I ever took to get hurting bad enough to finally get here, yet I had insanely spill some of motivator away!

But almost as bad as that, I never did learn to stay away from near-empty cans with cigarette butts in them the next morning.

insanity for me right now is that while i havent had a drink i can see where i am and how i am going wrong. When i have had a drink all i can see is where others are and where they are going wrong and what bast**** they all are.

As a matter of fact, myonlyhope, painful as it is, seeing where you are now and how you are going wrong is sanity returning! You are not able to change the past or other people but you are able to do something about yourself. You don't know how yet but for all of us who have recovered, we have had to face the truth about ourselves and our lives and work on it. It brings greater rewards than we can ever anticipate.

After many painful "drunk-sober-drunk-sobers" I finally understood what was being told to me; Where I was at and where I was going was toward another painful drunk. Like Gailly said. I had to face the truth about myself and my life. However, the only way I could work on it was to quit trying to work on it.

Myonlyhope; A recovered sponser can help you. The A.A. program of action is simple but not easy. Someone who has taken the steps and recovered from alcoholism can help you with a loving and caring (not always gentel) hand to walk you through the 12 steps.

Tim

I only quite drinking when surrender happened to me. I did not make a conscious effort to surrender. I did not say to myself, "ok, I should just surrender now".

Surrender happened to me. I wouldn't even have known what it was had it not spontaneously occurred.

I understand why it is so difficult for people to not get thsi program right away and do what they are told. A person must be surrendered and accept the program. I did go to a couple of CA meetings prior to surrender and had know idea what to do and did not feel any committment. I cannot imagine coming into AA not having first experienced a sense of surrender.

If anyone can do this without first having surrendered, amazing!

Yep...that is insanity. Just as when I was still drinking, I lived in this small, studio apartment. The bathroom was tiny and the toilet was damn near right up against the wall, so that when you sat down, your knees nearly touched the wall.

One of the 1st days I lived there, I got HAMMERED at the bar that was 4 doors away (which is why I moved there) and stumbled my way home, and went to throw up...I couldn't sit down or kneel in front of the bowl and I remember cursing, saying I had to move, because I couldn't throw up "properly" in my toilet.

THAT is insanity!

I am a grateful alcoholic today and thanks to AA and all the wonderful people in it...I am 100% totally sober and damn proud. I am also thankful that my thinking is much much clearer.

Insanity comes in so many forms!

I would always drink and smoke dope until I hallucinated, couldn't stand up and couldn't talk.

My solution?

Take 2 or 3 grams of amphetamine to wake myself up ... so I could drink more and smoke more dope!

Then sometimes I'd take too much amphetamine and I would be going nuts from the high.

My solution?

Take heroin or codeine plus alcohol to bring me down again.

Then sometimes I'd feel myself blacking out from taking too much opiates ...

My solution?

Amphetamines!

Can you see a pattern forming? Lol!

Note that this would all take place within one "session", which was usually 24 hours long.

Can you imagine what I felt like afterwards? Death would have been a sweet relief ...

Then just when I had recovered enough to eat solid food again ...

Guess what? Going out and getting dope and alcohol seemed like a good idea again ...

THAT is insanity!