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I have listened over and over again to people in meetings sharing a definition of insanity as "repeating the same behaviour over and over again expecting a different result".
I understand the point exactly. It was insane for me to drink for so many years and think that, though I had never had control before, I would somehow have it this time. However, I heard it in a meeting this week and suddenly it hit me in a totally different way. For the last few years that I was drinking I didnt expect a different result. I was repeating the same behaviour over and over again knowing exactly what the result would be - I would not be able to reliably control my drinking.
That too is complete insanity. That I would drink knowing of the likely disastrous consequences but nevertheless unable to mount a mental defence.
The memory and consequences of past drunks were not enough to stop me drinking (unable to bring into memory with sufficient force....). The expectation and fear of future horrors were not enough to stop me drinking.
This is why step 2 "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity" offered the hope I needed - a solution.
Without a solution to the insanity of the first drink I have no hope of staying sober. It doesn't matter if I really want to stay sober, or if I am determined to stay sober, or if I make a choice to stay sober - on my own resources I will never be able to achieve it. My only hope is to be restored to sanity and for that I need something other than my own power.
Steps 3 - 9 gives me a program to achieve that and tucked away at the bottom of page 84 is the miracle that I experienced "For by this time sanity will have returned". Wow!!
When I first saw the implication of insanity in Step 2 I was horrified. I was insulted that I should be considered insane. I was then distracted by the idea that the insanity meant the insane things that i did whilst drunk. Finally when I understood that it referred to the insanity that lead to the first drink (I got this from looking at my experience in the light of the illustrations in "More About Alcoholism") I was able to see the hope offered in step 2 and begin my journey from the problem to the solution.
I understand the point exactly. It was insane for me to drink for so many years and think that, though I had never had control before, I would somehow have it this time. However, I heard it in a meeting this week and suddenly it hit me in a totally different way. For the last few years that I was drinking I didnt expect a different result. I was repeating the same behaviour over and over again knowing exactly what the result would be - I would not be able to reliably control my drinking.
That too is complete insanity. That I would drink knowing of the likely disastrous consequences but nevertheless unable to mount a mental defence.
The memory and consequences of past drunks were not enough to stop me drinking (unable to bring into memory with sufficient force....). The expectation and fear of future horrors were not enough to stop me drinking.
This is why step 2 "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity" offered the hope I needed - a solution.
Without a solution to the insanity of the first drink I have no hope of staying sober. It doesn't matter if I really want to stay sober, or if I am determined to stay sober, or if I make a choice to stay sober - on my own resources I will never be able to achieve it. My only hope is to be restored to sanity and for that I need something other than my own power.
Steps 3 - 9 gives me a program to achieve that and tucked away at the bottom of page 84 is the miracle that I experienced "For by this time sanity will have returned". Wow!!
When I first saw the implication of insanity in Step 2 I was horrified. I was insulted that I should be considered insane. I was then distracted by the idea that the insanity meant the insane things that i did whilst drunk. Finally when I understood that it referred to the insanity that lead to the first drink (I got this from looking at my experience in the light of the illustrations in "More About Alcoholism") I was able to see the hope offered in step 2 and begin my journey from the problem to the solution.
Nicky your thoughts really hit home with me - I too stopped expecting different results and knew that I would just go on suffering but was unable to stop poisoning myself.
Maura, I understand - I remember telling myself I was controlling my drinking because I had only had two drinks - this only ever occurred when I was in company and couldn't get my hands on any more!
>> "For by this time sanity will have returned". Wow!!
Two great points there, and I can easily identify with each.
Yes, Maura, it really was quite "sane and logical" to "switch from scotch to brandy" and so on while trying to find a way to drink safely, and it was completely sane for me to finally give up on that and begin trying to stop altogether after coming to realize I could *not* drink safely.
Then there is your point, Nicky, as to "the subtle insanity which precedes the first drink" (page 40) ... and that has to do with our inability to always remember our discovered out-of-control bent and to display good judgement concerning that first drink.
I always knew what it was going to be because I always wanted the EFFECT that is talked about in the book.
I still have a touch of that kind of insanity today, but evidenced in a different way. My heart was attacked by poor circulation and I nearly died the day before "father's day" ten years ago, yet yesterday I spent three bucks for a large bag of M&Ms ... then gave at least a half-dozen of them to my grandchildren.
There are two problems alcoholics have with alcohol: "(1) the obsession of the mind, and (2) the compulsion of the body, an incomprehensible craving. Somewhere along the line, early or late, we develop an obsession with the idea that alcohol eases our minds and solves our problems. Then, our physical response to alcohol manifests in what the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous calls an allergy. Our alcoholic bodies process the alcohol in a manner which causes us to crave more. The alcoholic insanity of our minds tells us that it is a good idea to drink to relieve our stresses and to have fun. Once we start, our alcoholic bodies tell us we must drink more to satisfy the craving.
As every alcoholic should know, that is where the well known cycle begins, and continues over and over again, leading to death, incarceration, or "wet brain" insanity. What Dr. Silkworth called the "phenomenon of craving," manifesting as an "allergy," is so overpowering that all else comes in second to our primary concern of getting the next drink, even life itself takes second place.
That, my friends, is the "INSANITY OF ALCOHOLISM." It is only relieved and arrested by total abstinence, and as we have found, by the thorough application of the 12 Steps of AA in our lives, in all our affairs. to achieve a psychic change, a "spiritual awakening," leading to growth and maturity, and a firm grasp of the reality of life and the world about us.
Joel
1) Abstinence makes it impossible for one drink to demand another;
2) The Steps lead to an "entire psychic change" so we can remain abstinent.
And the part about knowing it wasn't going to be different and continuing to drink...my goodness, I was signing my death certificate and denied it, tried to hide it, and finally came to...saying give me the pen, just to find "invisible ink"! God help me!
The solution has not only solved my drink problem, but my living problem...I am a Greatful Recovered Alcoholic and sanity has returned. That's not to say I don't still have much to experience and learn, but that I needn't walk backwards or march in a stationary position anymore. Mistakes and all, AA and a HP gives me the tools to put one foot in front of the other and strive to do the next right thing and even enjoy it most of the time!
Happy Sunday...the weather is beautiful!
Thinking that I could predict the outcome after that first drink was insanity.