Great to see you posting here :)

It is SUGGESTED in AA that men get men sponsors and women get women. Personally if it is the difference between you doing the steps and not, I would say actually having a sponsor is the most important thing.

I know a few women that have men sponsors and vica versa.

I would say you don't have to 'know' someone initially for them to be your sponsor. I was told to ask someone if they had had a spiritual awakening as a result of working the steps! I didn't even know what that meant let alone ask another about it! lol

In the end, I looked for someone whose sobriety I liked. Who talked of HP, their own sponsor and were working the steps on a daily basis.

Hand it over to your HP :)

If you feel that AA saved your life, can you see how your post shows your thinking is not logical?

Embarrassment, shame, being afraid seem to have been overcome by asking the wife of one of your old drinking buddies to sponsor you a while ago.

Not feeling comfortable with that lady or feeling more in tune in men are pretty trivial reasons to get you in a position where you feel stuck. The big book says that half measures avail us nothing.

You do really need to be willing to go to any lengths for recovery or you and your sponsor, when you get one, will be wasting each other's time.

The above is not meant to be a criticism of you, just a reasoning with what you are saying right now.

I don't know about the smoking weed, I have no experience of that but please do talk to people at your meetings about sponsorship and your feelings right now. Those people are on hand and will be able to understand the root of your problem better by talking with you face to face.

This is only my opinion but I think if a woman sponsor is available you will be far better able to work the Steps with someone of your own sex.

If you feel that AA saved your life, can you see how your post shows your thinking is not logical?

Embarrassment, shame, being afraid seem to have been overcome by asking the wife of one of your old drinking buddies to sponsor you a while ago. If you managed that then you can manage to ask for a sponsor again.

Please do talk to people at your meetings about sponsorship in general and your feelings about that. Those people will be able to understand the root of your problem better by talking with you face to face.


Not feeling comfortable with that lady who started sponsorship with you or feeling more in tune with men are pretty trivial reasons to get you in a position where you feel stuck. The big book says that half measures avail us nothing.

It takes a lot of discomfort and soul searching when we first go through the programme of recovery - it has to or we do not stand a chance of changing the fundamental problems.

You do really need to be willing to go to any lengths for recovery or you and your sponsor, when you get one, will be wasting each other's time.

The above is not meant to be a criticism of you, just a reasoning with what you are saying right now.

I don't know about smoking weed, I have no experience of that and donâ??t know how/if that affects your ability to stay away from alcohol.

This is only my opinion but I think if a woman sponsor is available you will be far better able to work the Steps with someone of your own sex.

The way to take the next step is to get a sponsor. It doesnt have to be someone you know. It needs to be someone who can take you through the steps as they are in the big book such that you can have a spiritual awakening.

This is only my opinion but I really endorse the men for men and women for women sponsorship suggestion. I believe that it is important to have a same sex sponsor. Men and women think differently and feel differently and often have very different perspectives and life experiences. My opinion is that the fact that you feel more comfortable with men than women is a good reason to get a woman sponsor. I felt much more comfortable with men because I had spent a lot of time drinking with them. It was important for me to move away from what was comfortable in order to change.

Hi Maat

When I first got to the rooms of AA, I too, having been a tomboy most of my life thought that I would be able to relate to men better than women.

I had to travel my own path to the truth. It didn't matter what others told me. What I did do was what was suggested and that was to pray, asking HP for guidance and relief from the obsession (which seems to already have been lifted from you!), go to meetings, read my BB & 12&12, get phone #'s from other women (& I actually called them!) and earnestly asked HP to guide me to an enlightened sponsor.

It appears to me that you are already doing the do things. You know, some women shamed me when they "shared" with me but after having years of experience, I find that it's more helpful to share with someone what they are doing RIGHT! I needed that validation as a newcomer. Like BBH said, you know what you need to do. It's just a matter of doing it. And yes, you are well on your way to finding a sponsor because you are "talking" about it. If you earnestly ask HP for guidance in this matter, He will put the right person in your life. That has been my experience in all matters.

Good Luck!

Ask one of the ones you don't know, the ones you do don't seem to come without complications :)

Hey c'mon Maat you know perfectly well what you should do, you just are trying to find an 'easier, softer, way'. You need to understand that you cannot 'heal yourself' - if ya could you wouldn't be here right???

Being around AA f2f meetings for a year means that if you really DON'T know where to go from here you might want to try a different meeting 'cos yours ain't carrying the message!! Make sense??

Listen, take the bull by the horns, check out how happy and alive a woman seems and then ASK HER. It's really that simple. Your non-drinking time will run out real soon if you are not careful and what your drunk head will tell you is 'S**t that AA place never worked or I wouldn't be drunk, ain't no point in going to them dumbass meetings.' You would have, at that point effectively signed your own death warrant.

PLEASE sort it out and join the rest of us trudging the road of happy destiny!!

PM me if I can help at all


Lyn

Yes my suggestion is to read the dr opinion specifically the 2nd letter adressed to those of us who are alcoholic and then at your next aa meetings ask if there is anyone who has done all 12 steps out of the BB who would be willing to help you with the steps. Ask it at every meeting till you get someone to take u thru the steps.