Maat has been my experience that the only way to handle this type of scenario is through the group conscience. Are you part of this group. Maybe you could go to the group conscience and raise it there as a concern. Talk about how it feels when one person controls the meeting and how you feel not wanting to be there or go back.

Then Maat ask for clarity on what is supposed to happen and how it is supposed to be.

Once you have done this in a respectful and loving way all you can do is hand the outcome over to the group conscience.

G8

Hiya Maatie,
I hear ya! It's kinda like a "captive audiance", he/she saying "you have to listen because I'm chairing!!!" On the other hand , I try and think that sometimes people have absolutley no one else to talk to all day long. They maybe are in situations that don't provide much interaction, so when a group presents itself all attentive ( to the steps) it sometimes gets "high jacked" by the speaker or sharer..or ummm commintatior...lol. I try to put my self in the frame of mind that this person NEEDS to be heard, really all anyone ever wants is to be heard & respected. Granted this is a little over the call of "chairing "the group...to keep a dialoge going
but I find compassion & care, and really knowing that person just needs to be heard...well then I kinda can put my "rules" speech away. If this helps keep him/her sober, then acceptance of them, just as they are will lead to some releife for me in my feelings . If though, I find I start to resent, or have bad feelings about the meeting, well then I just move to the next meeting. Where I live, there was only one lunch time meeting, so too hard to find another, so I just ended up volunteering to chair for the whole month, after all it is a group,service work is for everyone, your not suppose to deny service work or have it be "one person only" that makes meetings work. The other thing we did, was we changed ,and had the chair person "call-on" people to share....hopefully they raised their hand to share. That allowed limited sharing so everyone would get a chance at input and it would not be the (fill in the blank_______ show) It also helped cut down on the double-dip sharers, It is after all only polite to allow enough time for all of those who wish to share, time to share. Also my meetings don't allow cross-talk, it's all topic , not certain person situations, that was defered to your sponser. Hoped that helped sweet-pea, Best 2u---sunny

Those dang pontificaters!! :)

Is he on this forum? lol!

I think what Gr8ful said makes sense and would be the most adult way to handle it. Try that and if that doesn't work, take a squirt gun with you next time and everytime he starts to pontificate...squirt him in the eye! Or tap him on the shoulder and whisper "excuse me, could you shut the f up please? Thanks!"

Seriously-I think G8 said it best...he's more grown up than I am..hee hee... :) Love ya girl!

What the hell is a pontificater? Do we have them in the UK!

Pontificater is my word....and it means "one who pontificates" lol! And OH YEAH!!! Y'all got 'em in the UK there bluesy...LMAO!!

I was teasing maat for using that word, I can do that cause she's my friend & understands me..hee hee..

Ah right still not sure how one would go about pontificating, does it mean waffling about crap? I know It has nothing to do with this thread but its good to learn new words! I can use it in all my meetings tommorow! LOL!

pon·tif·i·cate= To express opinions or judgments in a dogmatic way.

dogâmatâic=asserting opinions in a doctrinaire or arrogant manner; opinionated.

Sad when you need to define a word in the definition. lol

Thanks for the advice all...one thing I wonder though, if I am to bring it up to the group, do I do it when he is there or not? If he is there, I KNOW he will get defensive and most likely yell, no matter how I put it and if he's not there, I would feel like we were talking about him.
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I HATE when that happens, especially when I am the one Pontificating and all the people get up and walk out on me and the last one out turns out the lights and locks the doors and I have light a candle and crawl through the window and... and ...

Pretty much the perfect description of a bleeding deacon.

http://www.doubletongued.org/index.php/dictionary/bleeding_deacon/

I thought that seceraties were supposed to rotate, so that he/she did not get the sense of ego and it being their meeting. You could use that one at the group conscience.

Maat I personally would bring it up if he was there, then the group through it's conscience can address it in a meaningful way.

Or do what HC said squirt him with a water pistol and I can get you some squid ink to make sure it stands out lol.

G8

Sometimes our addiction finds other outlets like food or in this case the sound of his own voice

We do not have secretaries who run meeting here in Connecticut...we have chairpeople. They usually chair the meeting for 3 months. What I have done with people who must comment after each person talks is to take them aside, explain to them that this is not their meeting but our meeting and that everytime they talk for 3-5-10 minutes after each person, that means someone who needs to share cannot. Usually one of three things happen......they get the message and things run smoothly, they continue on like nothing happened, or they give up the chair and leave for other meetings. I would suggest taking him aside and explaining to him that his is not God.....in other words as my sponsor Birch in San Diego once told me......GET DOWN FROM THE CROSS, THEY NEED THE WOOD.....If this does not work or you are not comfortable with it, find someone with more time than one, ask them to help you do it...maybe two people will help him hear. A group conscious is a last resort....but should not be counted out.

When it comes your time to share, make it clear that after 1-2 minutes of sharing your attention doesn't allow you to hear whatever the person says after that.

Or, make a suggestion to the babbler that he keep his sharing brief so that others may have a chance to share.

The one who chairs the meetings at our group reads a set of guidelines before the meeting. One of the guidelines is that "the coffee station is now closed until after the meeting ends" and another is "to keep your sharing brief so that others may have a chance to share."

Some people emphasize the idea of keeping your message brief by stating it twice (people usually break up in laughter when this happens). Regardless, some people will continue to share a lengthy message unless actually approached and given the suggestion that they their message has a better chance of being heard if they make it brief.