pretty much says it all..

Love it Love it Love it. I am embracing massive change in my life - I want it to come.

I think one of the things AA does to us is that it makes the uncomfortability factor there for the rest of our lives once we have started to live the Steps. We hide less in diversioanry tactics (one of which was drinking) and it means if we feeel disconfort that is indicating change is necessary, we are more likely to take on the change - even if at times it's kicking and screaming - but at least we do change. And it gets easier over time.

We cannot "rest on our laurels" as the Big Book says. In recovery I firmly believe I cannot stand still, I must move forward, however slowly. If I stay stuck at where I am, I am in danger of relapse. Moving forward means seeking spiritual improvement and therefore change - evolving into a more spiritual being.

But once a need becomes clearly apparent
in an individual, in a group, or in AA as a whole,
it has long been found out that we cannot stand still
and look the other way.


I've come to realize that things change whether I give them permission to or not. Its better if I just go with the flow instead of diggin my heels into the ground. Now, whether I actually DO this is a different story altogether.

As far as groups changing, again, it just kind of happens. I am leery when one person or a small group decides to make radical change [anyone experience anything crazy like this with the whole "let's go nonsmoking" thang?] But there must be a happy medium somewhere....

Satori, one thing I have seen is an individual take over a group and do a "sermon" at the start of every meeting (which had previously been a great meeting and well attended) and run ther meeting to his own agenda every week. This man was very sick and I think a lot of us were hoping he would eventually pack up and go away and we could go back to where we had been. He was certainly too scarey for me to approach. So, the inevitbalr happened, people started peeling off and the meeting died. I saw it as a shame and it was, but it also natural for meetings to pop up and operate, some t eventually die and then new ones pop up.

When I am unwilling or unable to accept change in my life there comes a lot of tension and difficulty inside me. But it is so amazing when I can find that willingness to accept it! I feel so much better - but usually I don't get to that point until I have hurt to much already - unfortunate in that! oh well. Someday I will figure it out better.

It is human nature to fear change. We all like to be in a state of homeostasis and be consistent. I am most definitely the biggest advocate for consistency. I have to have a set schedule and I freak out if it becomes slightly off kilter. Unfortunately, life throws these changes in. Now whether it is to grow and become better, I'm not sure. I'm not entirely convinced that each change is good.

I think I may be looking at it from a different perspective. It's these changes that sometimes drive me to seek refuge somewhere, to get away from everything and take a break. Usually that break involves binge drinking and heavy regret the next day... but eventually I learn that the changes are the way they are and I need to embrace them.