I remember reading this for the 1st time and totally related.
I drank for the effect nothing more nothing less.

I started out caring what I drank. It was important to me to drink the best whiskey I could buy. When it was all said and done I was drinking wine that had never even been introduced to a grape. On the side of the highway. That effect consumed my very being. Good post gjm Greg

Yes, totally for the effect, although I built constructions in my life to have the facade that it was for social reasons, drinking after work on Fridays with colleagues and bosses, absolutely distraught when the booze came to a close when everyone else was going home to have a life, normal to drink that way when young - but when most of my friends peeled off that level of drinking to have a real grown-up life - I went on, as did others who are now dead, in the end in skuzzy public bars with people as sick as me - even then using being in a social (Ha!) situation to convince myself that it was all fun and that I was a "party girl".

But the reality is that I was a blackout drinker from age 14 to 32 when I got sobe rin AA. For me, "drinking for the effect" was drinking to blackout, to unconsciousness, be it still standing unconscious - even conversing, or falling down and passig out blackout. I don't think I'm a social drinker. Whaddya reckon??

When I was younger, I didn't really care what I drank. When I relapsed, I glamorized the whole thing, drinking expensive wine out of fancy crystal glasses that belonged to my parents. Well, not a single glass exists anymore. Towards the end I didn't give a shit what I drank, and it was about getting as much as I could for the money.

"They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks..."

That ease and comfort was so brief for me!! I can never forget what the alcohol did TO me and set aside what the alcohol did FOR me. A lie. An outright lie.

And I think whos, the disease is so cunning that on those fleeting nights when things were fun, funny, outrageous, silly, with no damage done - the disease makes us remember those fleeting times, and there is that ever present desperation to re-claim those glory moments. Fruitlessly and tragically.

I identify with that wendy "tose fleeting nights" If i woke up and could remember going to bed tha first thought that came in my head was I cant be a alki but it convenienly forgot the majority of times when I had no recolection of when and how I made it to bed

I identify with that wendy "tose fleeting nights" If i woke up and could remember going to bed tha first thought that came in my head was I cant be a alki but it convenienly forgot the majority of times when I had no recolection of when and how I made it to bed

I identify with that wendy "tose fleeting nights" If i woke up and could remember going to bed tha first thought that came in my head was I cant be a alki but it convenienly forgot the majority of times when I had no recolection of when and how I made it to bed

rivalino, for years before the end end of my drinking, I was in a double bind, if I went out and drank to blackout I had to live with the EXTREME nature of the events which unfolded, the next day and in many cases, had to resolve issues arising from a given blackout over a long period. But conversely, if I came home, very drunk, yes, but not in blackout I was furious that I hadn't gotten my "full measure" of alcohol that would take me to that ultimate place - blackout. I as Soooo sick.