aa friends Community Group
Welcome. If you come to visit for the first time and have some questions feel free to ask. PM someone if you like but don't stay a stranger. We were all in the pit. We know a way out. No condemnation and no hammers. Just ask and prepare to make a load of friends.
If someone is going to control me, it might as well be me.
Ours is, and must be, a selfish program. Our recovery must be the most important thing in the world to us. Sometimes friends and loved ones are confused and hurt because we spend so much time and energy working at our recovery. It's hard to explain why, yes, we must go to another meeting; no, we can't skip it just this once.
But however difficult, however hurtful or confusing to others our behavior might seem, we must take care of our own needs first. We're no use to our friends and family if we've relapsed, and no use to ourselves, either. Our choices must seem like selfish ones. Our recovery must come first, before the demands of others or even our own comfort. We need to keep our new determination, and work toward a new way of life.
Before, we told ourselves we'd quit tomorrow, that something would happen to make us change. Now, at last, we have the tools to arrest our addiction, but the tools will only work if we use them.
Today help me be in control of my own destiny.
Ours is, and must be, a selfish program. Our recovery must be the most important thing in the world to us. Sometimes friends and loved ones are confused and hurt because we spend so much time and energy working at our recovery. It's hard to explain why, yes, we must go to another meeting; no, we can't skip it just this once.
But however difficult, however hurtful or confusing to others our behavior might seem, we must take care of our own needs first. We're no use to our friends and family if we've relapsed, and no use to ourselves, either. Our choices must seem like selfish ones. Our recovery must come first, before the demands of others or even our own comfort. We need to keep our new determination, and work toward a new way of life.
Before, we told ourselves we'd quit tomorrow, that something would happen to make us change. Now, at last, we have the tools to arrest our addiction, but the tools will only work if we use them.
Today help me be in control of my own destiny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGmLfS0un5Y
Peace be the Journey my friend.
The big book tells me that the root of my problem is selfishness and self-centredness so why would I counter that by doing a program that is selfish. The key to the program - moving away from selfishness, towards selflessness (relieved of the bondage of self).
I totally agree that we must put our recovery and spiritual fitness first because without that we are in trouble. It may seen selfish to others but in undertanding the program I understand that i am not doing that for myself in a selfish way but rather with the main aim of being well enough to be helpful to others
Think it is really confusing, especially newcomers, when we tell them that the problem is selfishness but that the solution is a selfish program. Also it is hard in recovery to learn to balance our own wants and needs with those of others. The implication that what we are doing because we absolutely have to for our recovery is selfish makes that balance harder to grasp IMO.
Nicky, I agree the terminology is confusing to newcomers, but it needs to be explained to them that the term "it's a selfish program" is being ironic, because it simply means we must concentrate on ourselves and get sober and stay sober, so that we CAN be there for those we love and employers etc. Amd in doing so we become selfless.
And I think an important phrase that goes with this is, "We can't give away what we haven't got", ie we must work the program, be well enough and educated enough in the program, before we can Pay it Forward and help others.
Missed you all while I've been gone. It's been a while but I am with ability to be on-line once in a while now. My spin on this one is a strong one, just my experience, but as usuall I am but one member and this is my OPINION.
For me ......This is a Self-caring program. I do my best not to mistake selfishness for self-caring, nor self-caring for selfishness. Our disease has a horrific, deadly component , self-centered---ego-centric, causes and conditions, selfishness and self-centeredness most of us being concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity. That we think is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate.
Self care is a whole different ball game.... it is usually noticed by it's God-Centeredness and Other-centeredness. If I am going to a meeting to stay well and carry our primary purpose, to remain connected to the program which saved my life through the fellowshiping at a meeting, to help save someone else God may put in my path for that purpose... then i am being self-caring, By working the program and doing life I am being family, spouse, friend, A.A., God-Centered and other-caring by being responsible, remaining sober and into ... being a part of recovery, a part of life and my family. If I am going to a meeting to get away from my life, my spouse, my kids, and if I spend all my time away from my family and my life outside of the rooms of A.A. ...... If I am remaining apart from..... with the excuse or self-delusion that I must do this to remain sober and in recovery..... I am being selfish and self-centered. We may not spend as much time with our families when first getting sober... but after we have this thing we are hopefully becoming a part of life again.
In Love Light Truth,
'Stubborn' TerrieAnn
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