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gjm 03/21/2010

"There are cases where our ancient enemy, rationalization, has stepped in and has justified conduct which was really wrong. The temptation here is to imagine that we had good motives and reasons when we really didn't. We 'constructively criticized' someone who needed it, when our real motive was to win a useless argument. We sometimes hurt those we love because they' need to be taught a lesson, 'when we really want to punish. This perverse wish to hide a bad motive underneath a good one, permeates human affairs from top to bottom.

"Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 94

drafter 03/24/2010

The first time I read that, I just went, Whoa! That's me!

CoogeeMum 04/13/2010

This was me to a tee. Rationalisation came as second nature and was a tough one to crack. These things in sobriety just don't correct themselves, they take practice. But first I had to be aware of my behaviour, that was a bit of an eye opener to see how I had to prove I was right, at others expense. Being wrong was unthinkable.

deleted_user 04/13/2010

holycrap G! Have you been talking to my sponsor?!??! lol! Seriously...WOW!

"we sometimes hurt those we love because they need to be taught a lesson" wow! wow! wow! I sent my 19 year old niece a very NASTY email and I got her told pretty good...I read the email to my sponsor this weekend and after the first sentence he asked if her response was "f*** you B****" and welp, yep...that was her response! :)

We talked about my motives and what I REALLY wanted to achieve by telling her off...that's some scary shit right there.

Good timing G thanks!

deleted_user 04/17/2010

I was told in the beginning to write a letter to whoever was bugging me, but dont post it. I tried hard but I did post 1 or 2!!!

okiyoe1 04/19/2010

Yes!!! for me when my motives Are focused around what i think needs to be , explained or corrected I'm at a lot of times Just putting up a front based on ulterior motives....Either wanting a reaction , a pat on the back or someone to believe, the twisted tales I tell.....in hopes of acceptance or" See I know what and why I do ....what i do" ...Cause 9 out 10 times I'm just guessing .....what's my business and what's your business.....Hmmmmmm
Billy

okiyoe1 04/19/2010

But don't tell anyone Lol!!!!!

deleted_user 05/04/2010

You really seem to be hitting the nail on the head with a number of character defects I had a look at recently that I completely glossed over first time round in the steps.

I found a very revealing pattern in myself when I felt threatened or challenged by someone:

Fear to Pride to resentment and Anger turned inwards leading eventually to self pity simultaneously turned outwards in the form of arrogance, intolerance, self justification, argumentativeness and rationalisation, dishonesty, delusion, self importance, inconsideration, grandiosity and opinionatedness, threatening behaviour.

All within a few seconds of someone saying something that pricked my ego.

Most of this stuff seems to be down to an inability to handle fear in my case and my ego and head short circuits.

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