A MOMs loss by ADOPTION Community Group

This group will hopefully provide a place for all of us parent's that have lost their children by adoption(either by choice or by state enforced). Adoption of a child is a proven painfull daily thing to live with. This site will be for anyone who lost their kids due to states taking them away or the adoption by choice!

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Personal Challenges
/ A MOMs loss by ADOPTION Support Group

What Do i Do??

deleted_user
deleted_user
My children haven't been adopted but they are in foster care. The state took them from me on december 8 2008. They say that they have reason to believe that my husband has hit my 8 month old son at least once, I told them that I will kick him out of the house if they just give me my 2 kids back and they said no that is not an option because they don't believe me. My 4 year old looks so unhappy and we are in the process of getting them with family although they are now saying that my dad and my mother in-law can not have the kids when I asked why they said because they both said they don't believe that anybody hit the baby, I then said what does that have to do with anything its just their opinion and they said because of that, they don't believe that they would follow the court order and protect the children. My question is what does their opinion have to do with that? I've been trying to call my court appointed attorney and she has not called me back. I don't think that they have the right to do that, and I dont know why they would'n give me the kids if it wasn't me? I don't understand how these people work, can somebody please help me?
deleted_user
deleted_user
ok i know you are scared to death right now...i have been in your shoes at one time...what state are you in....and if tha attorney will not talk to you..you have all rights to have the court give you a new one...first thing is first there are a few steps that you can go ahead and do now before the court orders anything...

1) get a psych exam done on both you and your husband..you can have this done at your local mental health center...they may charge you like 40 bucks you will just have to see...

2) get ahold of your local childerns home scty...and ask them to come in and do a home study..and to see if you two need anger mang..

3) do not sign anything unless there is someone there to go over the legal terms of everything if you dont know ask...you can always have the right not to sign anything..

4) go to every court date..even if you are told you are not needed there at all...

please do not give up this is going to be the hardest fight in your life but you can do this...i am here if you need anything at all
deleted_user
deleted_user
Me and my husband already have a mental healt and phsyciatric evaluation scheduled and my husband is in a 26 week angre managment and domestic violence workshop My lawyer finally called today but I was not home so my husband talked to her and she said there is nothing she can do about it right now and thats all she ever says about everything so I am going to have to find a new lawyer she thinks because we are young we don't know our rights and thats what they all think so my husband's lawyer says hes going to find stuff out. My mother in-law is hiring an attorney to fight for the kids. I am not giving up I would never those are my kids and I know its a hard fight but i need to do what I have to in order to get them back, and they see that I am trying every way possible to get them back. Also since they say its not me I asked if I move to Florida with my sister so that I am far away from my husband will they be able to give me my kids back she said she is going to talk to the attorney of D.S.S. I am in NY so that shouldn't be a problem. Thank you so much for your reply. I also want to add that I have a home visit scheduled for next wednesday.
deleted_user
deleted_user
ok it sounds like you are doing a great job...now just keep it up and dont stop fighting...you will get through this and it is great that your family supports you in all of this..but i most add you are looking at a year long fight if not two..they will come into your home once a month.make you take classes....but it will be ok...i am praying for you
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you so much but I am hoping that I can get them on January 27th when I go back to court because they don't have enough evidence, and I just found out my mother in-law got a lawyer today and has an appointment with him next thursday and he said to her that they should have been placed with family by now. so we will find out more when she sees him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
OMG, please don't believe those jerks!!1Do your best to do what they want and when you have the chance get the hgell out!! Do they have your children? I am a very recent to the system!!! Those jerks said do what I tell you and we will give your babyback(kinda like a hostage situation)_those people depending where you are ;located are like vermons!!! Out to eat your bones!!! Do what they tell you, but if you have your children with you run likr hell!!!! Get away from the situation!!! Really, I thought, I would regain my daughter, however, here I am 2years later alone and scared,lost and my daughter gone till she is 18yr old! I fought the system for 2 + years and still lost my daughter, The entirs time I always felt I would get my daughter back! Those people are the new black market!!! Do whgat they tell you to do completely and 1000%regardless of whom-ever! You have to prove you want your children and that means to them for any reason, no mattedr the circumstance!!! OMG< I cannot believe you are going through the night mare!!! I am here if you have any questions, you im or e-mail me, I HAVE SOON FINISHED A CASE SIMILAR TO THIS--IF YOU NEED INFO JUST E-MAIL ME! i WILL HELP TH BEST I CAN!!!! I'M SOOOOOO SORRY YOU ARE IN THIS ANBD I WILL DO ALL I CAN TO HELP YOU THROUGH AND GIVE HELPFULL ADVISE!!!!!JUST E-MAIL ME!!! i AM HERE AND HAVE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE NOW!!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
IF I HAD IT TO DO ALL OVER AGAIN,I WOULD!!!FIRST WHERE ARE YOU, WHAT STATE? I WAS IN ARIZONA! THEY ACCUSED ME OF THE SAME AND TOOK MY BABY AWAY FOREVER! ASK WHAT YOU CAN DO IN REASONABLE EFFORTS? JF---E-MAIL ME NOOOOWWWW!!! I WILL TELL YOU MY SIMILAR STORY!! i NEED TO TALK TO YOU!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
jf, please talk to me through e-mail! My story is sooo alike, find someone take your kids now!!!!!!!!!!!!! How many are there?
deleted_user
deleted_user
don't give up till the end!!I did not! I lost in the end, but i fought like hell!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
and just for te record my father in law spent 100,000+ on our private lawyer and still I lost my daughter in the end!
deleted_user
deleted_user
JF, you are doing great. Keep up the good work. I was a foster mom. There are good foster homes, some are great. The system wants kids with family. If they don't like your MIL, pick someone else. Yes, your sister in Florida would work. Have your sister go to DSS in FL and get a home study done there. Get a legal separation from your husband and some how prove to the courts that you are moving to FL. Maybe drive down there and get a FL driver's license. After your sister gets custody, your husband can move down to FL and reunite with you and there is not a damn thing NYS can do about it. They will NOT follow up what happens in another state. They are too busy and going over state lines is too complicated. Besides, they have no evidence.

I was a foster parent in Glens Falls, NY.

Get in counseling and never ever admit to any thing, even raising your voice. They will use it against you. Yet you need to be in counseling to prove you are tring to resolve your family's mess. I can't stress enough how GOOD being in counseling will look to the judge. He will see you have nothing to hide.

Email me if you want. Good luck
deleted_user
deleted_user
Anybody know if JF is still around or what...?! Just concerned.