Totally fell for the cow suspense one, thanks Catsliptoes LOL

Two pilots are flying a plane, they get low on fuel and get clearance to land. As they get close to the runway, one pilot say to the other, give me 1/4 flap down, then he said give me 1/2 flap down, they get right on top of the runway the pilot says, give me full flap down and lock the brakes. they land on a dime, the one pilot looks at the other and says " wow, that is the shortest runway i have ever seen." and the other pilot says " I know, but look how wide it is."

Ha! Good sense of humor! Thanks, BigBigRod!

LMAO!!! thanks people......needed that.

One time I spoke to a butcher and asked him if he had pickled pigs' feet. He said yes, and I said it must be hard for him to find shoes.

Why don't candle trimmers work from Monday through Friday?
Because they just work on wick ends.

What kind of person starts at the top and works their way to the bottom?
A wallpaper hanger.

What's the difference between a surgeon and a hairdresser?

A surgeon buries his mistakes and a hairdressers mistakes grow out :)

Too funny!!

What line does the Witch get into at the supermarket?

the HEXspress.

What does a Witch do when she bought something she doesn't like?

She HEXchanges it.

What does the Italian witch say after removing a spell?

'Hexa gone.'

Window washer ALSO start at the top and work their way down.

Got another one for you;
A friend of mine was at work when her boss came up to her with one of those last minute, gotta go out today or else jobs. The woman said 'What would I have to do to get you to drop everything and do this immediately?' My friend hardly hesitated and said 'I want Brian Dennehey (the actor) chained naked to my bed.' The woman blinked and paused for several seconds and said 'THEN would you do it?' My friend said 'No I'd have to go home for an hour but I promise it'd be the first thing I do the minute I got back.'.
To this day we tease her about it.
Hope this doesn't offend anyone.

Sorry for the last one. It was a bit more mature than acceptable. Shoulda thought a bit more before posting it. :-(

Where does Humpty Dumpty work?
In an eggplant.

Abbie: The fellow I used to work for is the politest man in the world.
Addie: Why do you say that?
Abbie: He sent me a memo that read, "You're fired. Best regards!"