A Laughter Club Community Group
We would like to invite you to join our group! A Laughter Club is for people who understand just how serious a matter humor is to one's survival and even to one's success in life. We share jokes, riddles, short stories, and other laughter-provoking thoughts. We have one simple rule: If you wouldn't say it to a child because it contains inappropriate...
"I can get you three days and two nights in Rome for one hundred dollars," said the travel agent. "Why so cheap?" asked the customer. "The days are September 14, 15, and 16. The nights are September 22 and 23."
There was a young person named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.
An English traveler, asked by Australian immigration if he had a criminal record, expressed some surprise that such a qualification was still required.
When the fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people. "Do you take children?" the man asked. "No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards."
Please feel free to add your travel humor here! :-)
There was a young person named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.
An English traveler, asked by Australian immigration if he had a criminal record, expressed some surprise that such a qualification was still required.
When the fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people. "Do you take children?" the man asked. "No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards."
Please feel free to add your travel humor here! :-)
An airplane pilot discovered that a lady he knew had never been up in a plane, so he offered to take her for a ride. In order to make the ride as thrilling as possible for her, he executed a series of loops and spins.
When they had returned to the field, the lady got out of the cockpit very unsteadily and said: "I'd like to thank you very much for those two rides."
"Two rides?" asked the pilot. "You must still be dizzy. That was only one ride." "Oh, no!" said the lady. "It was my first ride, and my last ride!"
A seasick tourist!
Dead silence followed.
After a few minutes, the pilot came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. But, while I was speaking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of hot coffee and spilled the coffee all over my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach shouted back, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
Engineers. (engine ears)
Wouldn't you turn red if you were seen changing in the middle of the street?
Because it was wheely, wheely tired.
OR is under construction
The journey of a thousand miles begins with an argument on how to load the car.
Two wrongs never make a right but three will get you back on the highway.
An airline cancelled a flight due to weather. Of course passengers were up at arms about the delay and the long line they had to wait in to rebook.
All of a sudden a man pushes to the front of the line, slaps his ticket on the counter and says 'I HAVE to be on the next flight and it HAS to be first class!' The clerk looks at him and says 'I'll be happy to help you sir but these other people were here ahead of you and I have to help them first.' the man, irate, said loudly 'DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?'
The clerk picks up the intercom and says 'May I have your attention please. We have a gentleman here at the counter who does not know who he is. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the ticket counter.' The other passengers were in hysterics, the man turned beet red and said something I can't repeat here. The clerk said 'I'm sorry you'll have to wait in line for that too.' The man stomped off the other passengers still had to wait but they weren't mad any more.
Passenger: No, I haven't.
Pilot: Well, here's some chewing gum. It will help to keep your ears from popping.
Pilot (after the plane had landed): Did the gum help?
Passenger: Yep, it worked fine. The only trouble is, now I can't get the gum out of my ears.
Having detailed the concept of attitude control, there is another method which you may prefer. For reasons that will become apparent, it is recommended for those pilots that have large, easily cleaned cabins. Known as the "Cat and Duck Method" of instrument flight, it has received much publicity and is considered to have a great deal of merit by those who have not tried it. No reports have been received from those who did try it, and none are expected. Pilots are invited to assess its merits objectively.
Basic rules for the C & D Method of instrument flight are fairly well known and are extremely simple. Here's how it's done:
1. Place a live cat on the cockpit floor, because a cat always remains upright. It can be used in lieu of a needle and ball. Merely watch to see which way the cat leans to determine if a wing is low, and if so, which one.
2. The duck is used for instrument approach and landing. Because of the fact that any sensible duck will refuse to fly under instrument conditions, it is only necessary to hurl your duck out of the plane and follow it to the ground.
There are some limitations to the Cat and Duck Method, but by rigidly adhering to the following checklist, a degree of success will be achieved that will surely startle you, your passengers, and even an occasional tower operator.
1. Get a wide-awake cat. Most cats do not want to stand up at all. It may be necessary to carry a large dog in the cockpit to keep the cat at attention.
2. Make sure your cat is clean. Dirty cats will spend all their time washing. Trying to follow a washing cat usually results in a tight snap roll followed by an inverted spin.
3. Use old cats only. Young cats have nine lives but old, used-up cats with only one life left have just as much to lose as you do and will be more dependable.
4. Beware of cowardly ducks. If the duck discovers that you are using the cat to stay upright, it will refuse to leave without the cat. Ducks are no better in IFR conditions than you are.
5. Be sure the duck has good eyesight. Nearsighted ducks sometimes fail to realize that they are on the gauges and go flogging off in the nearest hill. Very nearsighted ducks will not realize that they have been thrown out and will descend to the ground in a sitting position. This manuever is difficult to follow in an airplane.
6. Use land-loving ducks. It is very discouraging to break out and find yourself on final for a rice paddy, particularly if there are duck hunters around. Duck hunters suffer from temporary insanity while sitting in freezing weather in the blinds and will shoot at anything that flies.
7. Choose your duck carefully. It is easy to confuse ducks with geese because many water birds look alike. While they are very competent instrument flyers, geese seldom want to go in the same direction as you.
Source: GSP Digest #279 (16 September 1990).