Why wasn't the vampire working?
He was on a coffinbreak...

What do skeletons say before eating?
Bone Appétit...

What does a child monster call his parents?
Mummy and Deady...

Where do fasionable ghosts shop for sheets?
At bootiques...

What ride do spirits like best at the amusement park?
The roller ghoster...

What do you get when you cross a ghost with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn't give a hoot...

What fairy tale do ghosts like best?
Sleeping booty...

What kind of spirits serve food on a plane?
Airline ghostesses...

What kinds of ghosts haunt skyscrapers?
High spirits...

Why did the skeleton climb a tree?
Because a dog was after its bones...

How do you make a witch scratch?
Just take away the W...

Where do ghosts go swimming?
The dead sea...

Why was the witch's cat giggling?
Because it was a giggle puss...

What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
Hope it's Halloween...

What do you call a skeleton stone age family?
The Flintbones...

What did the witch say to the midget vampire skeleton?
Bony little bloodsucker, aren't you?...

What's the difference between a fisherman and a sick ghost?
One catches his dinner, the other one loses it...

Did you hear about the new Dracula doll?
Wind it up and it bites Barbie on the neck...

What did the t.v. news reporter say to the ghost?
Everyone dead! Boos at 11...

What is a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor?
Veinilla...

Why is a haunted handkerchief so scary?
Because it has boogers...

What did the three vampires order at the bar?
Two bloods and a blood light...

How did the priest make holy water?
He took some tap water and boiled the hell out of it...

What do you give a vampire with a cold?
Coffindrops...

What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?
A pumpkin patch...

What kind of shoes do ghosts from Texas wear?
Boots...

Why did the Cyclops have to close his school?
He only had one pupil...

Why isn't Dracula invited to many Halloween parties?
Because he's a pain in the neck...

Who is a skeleton's favorite emperor?
Napoleon Boneaparte...

Why did the vampires cancel their baseball game?
They couldn't find their bats...

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi...

Which monster likes to fly kites in the rain?
Benjamin Franklinstein...

What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
I'll have two beers and a mop...

What did the mummy say to the detective?
Let's wrap this case up...

Why was the witch kicked out of witching school?
Because she flunked spelling...

When a witch lands after flying, where does she park?
The broom closet...

Where was satan's son born ?
Deathlehem...

Why can't skeletons play music in church?
Because they have no organs...

How do you tell twin witches apart?
You can't tell which which is which...

What do you call a dead chicken that likes to scare people?
A Poultrygeist...