Three male dogs encounter a beautiful female poodle and immediately fall in love. Well aware of her own charms and her effect on males, she announces, "I want a mate with brains, therefore I will only date the dog who creates an imaginative, intelligent sentence using the words, 'cheese' and 'liver.'"

The black Labrador retriever quickly responds, "I love cheese and liver."

"How childish," huffs the poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

She turns to the cocker spaniel who responds tentatively, "Uh, I hate cheese and liver?"

The poodle shows her disgust. "That's no better than the other sentence! What about you, Mr. Chihuahua?"

The tiny dog grins, turns to the other two males and says, "Liver alone! Cheese mine!"

Question: Why did the banana cross the street?
Answer: Because it was being chased by a pineapple!

A man walks into a doctor's office and is sent immediately to an exam room. The doctor enters and looks him over. The man has a green bean sticking out of his left ear, a carrot sticking out of his right ear, and a celery stalk sticking out of one nostril. "Doc, ya gotta help me, I'm in awful shape - what do you think it could be that's wrong with me?" The doctor looks at the man with a very serious expression on his face and says, "Well, for starters, you're not eating right."

Old doughnut makers never die, they just get tired of the whole business.

'Waiter! There's a fly in my wine!'
'Well, you did ask for something with a little body, sir.'

So a ham sandwich walks into a bar and says, "Hey, bartender, I'll have a saspirilla. The bartender takes a long look at him and says, Hey, we don't serve food in this establishment."

Wise man say, "He who eats cookies in bed wakes up feeling crummy."

Ted: I read in the newspaper that a woman ate six dozen pancakes.
Ned: Oh, how waffle!

oh my beaumont...I actually found your last two jokes incredibly funny and laughed out quietly. :-)

Glad to be of service!

Question: Why did the apple turn over?
Answer: Because it saw the jelly roll!

My old outdoor grill cooks food so unevenly that half of a chicken gets burned while the other half flops around eating my corn.

Disclaimer: No animals were harmed during the making of this joke.

"Never eat more than you can lift." -Miss Piggy (Kermit the Frog's beloved in the Muppet Show television series & Muppet movies).

Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realises the germs in our drinking water.
But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to?"
"You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."
The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."

When a parsely farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?

A customer said to the waiter, "Please bring over the manager; I can't tell if this is coffee or tea. I ordered coffee, but it tastes like gasoline."

The waiter replied, "If it tastes like gasoline; it's definitely coffee. Tea tastes like turpentine."